Project Athena | Reviews

They Came With Secrets (Nadia)

Author: GirlinPajamass

Reviewer: SardonicBeauty

Genre: Mystery/Thriller

They Came With Secrets is a mystery/thriller book, which revolves around the life of Cassi, Jack and Ace.

The story captures the beauty of a mystery/thriller without any doubt. The blurb has key elements that add to a story right in this genre - Intrigue, suspense, and tension.

From the first chapter, Cassi is thrown head-first into the horrors which seem quite normal in the town. The tension between her and her mother adds a touch of depth, showing how Cassi's character shaped into who she is today.

Coming to the technical parts of the story.

First, the cover is absolutely perfect and stunning. It has an air of mystery and a vintage/retro theme which works perfectly with the story.

Second, the blurb of the story is engaging and short. It gives enough information for the readers to get into the story and figure out the mysteries.

Third, the grammar for the most part is okay. The book is primarily written in the present tense and it works. However, in some parts, you have used 'was' or the past participle of the word which is not right.

For example, "Either way, I was bound to get hurt." Here, rather than using "was", you can use "am". The meaning will remain the same, but it won't point to a past incident.

Another, "I could fall over from exhaustion any moment from now." When you use "could" here, it indicates the character falling from exhaustion in the past, in a past incident. But since your story is written in the present tense you should use "can" here.

There are small mistakes similar to these throughout the chapters, editing them will make the flow of the story smoother.

Fourth, characters. The characters are okay and Ace is the most intriguing character out of all three. Apart from him, the other minor characters portray their evilness well, showing the true nature of the town.

However, one thing that lacks the most; Cassi's character development. I have read quite a few chapters throughout which Cassi has no character development. The way she was in the beginning, she remained the same. Given the kind of town she lives in, and how everything happens, it would make sense to make her character a little more smart. She starts as a character who can be pushed around very easily, has low self-esteem, etc. After 11 chapters, she remains the same, without any sign that she is maturing.

Now another thing, which I have seen very common in stories, kids not listening to their parents, or going to a party alone, marks as a change in them. Or, making it look like they are growing a backbone, I am not sure if that was the motive you were going for, but if you were, that is not right. Since this book is a mystery/thriller, there are countless ways through which you can show change in her.

Her mother's character and Gaia feel very hollow and rushed. Especially her mother. I hope in the future chapter you have added more complexity and depth to her character.

Fifth, plot. I will say, the start of the story is amazing. It is perfect, even. But as the story progresses, it slowly loses the air of mystery that the scenes have. The scenes which led up to the party, for now, feel forced.

One thing about the mystery genre is that you need to show how the characters unravel them and get the answers. It can be a slow progress, but it has to be there. So far, the only research Cassi has done is about Ace's dad, nothing else.

There are a lot of hidden mysteries in the town, which you can explain as well. For example, you mentioned people being in cults, but you never expanded on them, at least in the first 10 chapters. You can expand on that, and show more cases that can lead to the mystery surrounding Ace.

The pace of the plot is slow, if we consider what she needs to do to help Ace. But after chapter eleven, new characters are introduced and it is very unclear to read.

For this, you can edit the chapters, and focus on one thing at a time. One is the mystery of Ace. Two, Cassi's personal relationship with all the characters. Three, mysteries of the town. Four, new character introduction. Five, mysteries surrounding Cassi or the incidents that are happening to her.

Explore all of these topics in your chapter to make the plot more cohesive.

Overall, this book has a lot of potential. You just need to focus more on the characters, their traits, emotions, and how they react to things. The core idea of the plot is very strong, but it lacks execution. Make a point, and take it through step by step about what incident you want to portray in a chapter. Each incident will leave an impact, remember to add that as well. Those add layers of complexity to the characters which again helps in making the story more engaging.

This book without a doubt has a lot of potential, and I'd love to read what you have in mind for the next chapters of this book. I'd rate his book 4 stars out of 5.

Good luck!