Project Athena | Reviews

Astrid: Limbus Obscuria (Emmanuel)

Author: wilwinterswrites

Reviewer: Denyefa4

Genre: Fantasy

Based on what I've read, "Astrid" is a book about a boy named Eli who blames himself for the accident that took his sibling's life. During the funeral, he discovers that his sister's soul cannot reach paradise because she was not anointed in a church before her death, and instead, she is in Lumbus, unable to Rest In Peace. Eli embarks on a journey to save his sibling and help her find peace, but in order to do so, he must first die. He decides to electrocute himself, thereby initiating his quest to free his sister.

I appreciate your active use of comparison, which enhances the reading experience. Your writing exhibits humor, making it lively, and you vividly depict the Catholic temple, allowing me to envision the service in my mind.

Let's begin with your cover. Based on the context of your blurb, I believe your cover should feature Eli, Dusty, and the other characters you mentioned who will be introduced in the book. Since you only mention Astrid by name in the first chapter without providing any further introduction, she shouldn't be the sole focus on the cover. Alternatively, you could remove her entirely, as she is the goal but not the main purpose of the book.

In your first chapter, I suggest adding more character descriptions so that we have a sense of who Dusty and Astrid are. When you introduce your characters, try to explain their features, allowing us to visualize them as we read.

In chapter two, I felt that the beginning doesn't flow or connect with the first chapter. We end the first chapter with Eli being forced into a car, but the next chapter starts with him in a temple, without any reference to how he got there, only describing the temple itself. I noticed this pattern throughout the chapters I read. You tend to skip events without providing the necessary context for readers to understand.

In chapter five, you used the phrase "the black-winged" without previously mentioning such a creature.

In terms of grammar, I didn't notice any errors, but there were some issues with punctuation. You have a tendency to double space between words, but you can address that by using tools like Grammarly or Quillbot. Additionally, instead of repeatedly using nouns like "boys," consider using pronouns like "they" to avoid repetition.

In conclusion, your book was an interesting read, but I think you should avoid beating around the bush and focus on the main points to keep your readers engaged. Also, it seems that your book explores more elements than just Astrid, so I would suggest considering a title change, as she is not the primary focus in the overall plot, although she holds significance to Eli. This assessment is based on your blurb.

I give your book a rating of 3 out of 5 stars. If you're a fan of action and adventure, this book is for you.