Project Athena | Reviews

Her Family (Emmanuel)

Author: Shriya1813

Reviewer: Denyefa4

Genre: Action

From what I gathered, "Her Family" is a Mafia novel that revolves around Adrianna, a mafia queen who lost her child. After a few years, she finds her child again, but the child has been deeply scarred emotionally, physically, and mentally, deviating from the expected princess persona.

Firstly, I want to express my appreciation for the concept of your book. I enjoy reading about strong women who can hold their ground, as well as men who value women. Your book embodies these qualities, and the cliffhangers at the end of each chapter kept me engaged. Well done!

Let's begin with the cover. I find it unattractive and casual. While it features a young lady and a child, which aligns with the book's theme based on the blurb, it fails to do justice to the entire story. As a mafia book, consider enhancing the cover with mafia-themed characters, dark imagery, and other thrilling elements that will captivate potential readers. Additionally, although the book may primarily revolve around Adrianna and Isabella, there is much more material to work with, so explore those avenues to make it shine.

Regarding the blurb, I felt it lacked coherence and could be improved. Instead of mentioning the characters' names and then providing backstory, I suggest integrating the names within the backstory itself. For example: "Isabella Rossana Moretta, an 11-year-old who has known nothing but pain..." Furthermore, I found myself confused about the spelling of the main character's name. In the blurb, it's spelled as Isabelle, while in the chapter about the characters, it's spelled as Isabella, which led me to believe they were two different individuals.

Moving on to the first chapter, I noticed that you often told the readers what happened or was happening instead of showing it. There was a lack of proper descriptions to help readers visualize the scenes, and the amount of information presented became overwhelming. I suggest summarizing the part about Isabella's past and using it as an opening line. For example: "Ever since she was four, Isabella has been shuffled from the streets to an orphanage, and through various abusive foster homes. And her current situation was no different. Startled awake from her restless sleep..."

In chapter two, similar to my previous point in chapter one, there was a lack of descriptive elements. It's important to paint a vivid picture in your readers' minds, particularly when it comes to characters, places, and events. How can readers become invested in a character if they can't visualize them? The only character description provided was either vague or insufficient.

In chapter three, you could incorporate Isabella's details as a soliloquy by Damien instead of listing them as if writing an essay. Additionally, you could italicize the paragraph following her credentials to convey it as a thought or inner conflict. Furthermore, the quick switch between Isabella and Damien's points of view was jarring and disrupted the flow. Consider focusing on one point of view for a while before switching.

In chapter four, you wrote from Adrianna's point of view without first introducing who she is or explaining the relevance of the subject she was discussing. Similar issues were present in chapter five, as I mentioned earlier. Please address these concerns.

Regarding grammar, your writing was simple and understandable. However, your punctuation usage was inconsistent, as you frequently inserted a space before punctuation marks and began the next word right next to the punctuation.

In conclusion, I recommend sticking to either a third-person or first-person point of view consistently to ensure a smoother flow in the book. Your book concept is promising, but it requires further development. You're on the right track, so keep up the good work.

I rate "Her Family" 2 out of 5 stars, as it is a work in progress that still requires significant polishing. If you support feminism and have an interest in the mafia, I would recommend giving this book a read.