FORGOTTEN MISTAKE

CHAPTER 03

CHAPTER 03

“Bakit hindi ka pa bumabangon, Sorelle?”

Hindi ko namalayang umaga na pala kung hindi pa kumatok si Mommy sa kwarto ko. I haven't gotten any sleep in the last two nights. I thought I was going to be able to take some time off from thoughts since it's weekend, but thereʼs no such luck.

What happened last Friday just wonʼt leave my mind. I wasted two nights revolving my thoughts about it. Kahit napapagod na ako dahil paulit ulit lang naman ang mga tanong sa isip ko, hindi ko pa rin matigilan. I still canʼt stop thinking about it.

Hindi naman siguro ako namamalikmata o nagha-hallucinate noʼn. When I get a glimpse of his face I already know itʼs him. Iʼve known him for too long to not recognize his face right away so I'm sure itʼs him. Hindi ako pwedeng magkamali.

Thoughts piled up in my head again. Hindi ko inakalang makikita ko pa siya ulit dahil matagal ko naman na siyang pinatay sa isip ko. Burado na siya sa lahat. Not once have I ever think of him, ngayon nalang ulit at nakaka-frustrate iyon.

Takot at kaba ang nararamdaman ko, hindi saya o ano. Takot dahil maaaring bumalik ulit siya sa buhay ko. Hindi naman kasi ako tanga. Alam kong nandoʼn siya para sa akin. Maybe he heard Iʼm going to school again. He has sources so Iʼm not surprised he found out right away.

Whatever happens, I only have one thing on my mind and that is to stay away from him. I canʼt let him ruin my life again. Once is enough. Hinding-hindi na ulit ako papayag.

Iʼll do everything to not be involved with him again.

“Bilisan mo at lumabas ka na! Nandito na sila!” katok ulit ni Mommy sa pintuan ko ang siyang nagpa bangon sa akin.

Bumuntong hininga ako. It wasnʼt a typical sunday for our family. Ganitong araw naman talaga bumibisita ang mga churchmates nila Mommy para sa home mass o bible study, kaya lang mga kamag-anak naman namin ang bibista ngayon.

Hindi naman ako pala simba kagaya nila pero wala akong choice dahil gusto nila Mommy kumpleto kami roʼn. Ngayon nalang din kasi namin sila makakasama. Baka mapagalitan na naman ako kung hindi ako susunod kaya naligo na ako.

Wearing an old simple white dress, I looked at my reflection on the mirror. Bagsak ang katawan ko na sinabayan pa ng napaka putlang balat. Hindi na kasi ako pala-ayos sa sarili ko. Noon siguro. I always make sure to take a good care of myself. You canʼt make me leave the house without perfect brows and red lip stain. Though I always knew I had a perfect bare face and didn't need make-up, I still preferred it.

Pero ngayon hindi ko na iyon gusto. Iʼve come to accept my natural bare face, dull lips, and not-so-thick brows. I no longer need to spend hours doing my hair and makeup. Even at school, I prefer going with undone hair and a bare-faced version of myself every day.

Dinampot ko ang hair brush bago marahang pinadulas iyon sa mahaba kong buhok. Hindi ko gusto ang pagiging maamo ng mukha ko noon. I feel like it made me look weak, which is also the reason why I prefer using strong make-up on my face before.

I have a very round eyes. Pinapagitnaan iyon ng diretsong hugis ng kilay at mayayabong na pilikmata. My delicate appearance were further emphasised by my bowed-shaped lips and narrow nose. Sabayan pa ng maputlang kutis at itim na itim na buhok.

Sa totoo lang, ngayon ko nalang ulit nakita ang itsura ko sa salamin. Ever since that incident, hindi ko na magawang tingnan ulit ang itsura ko. Nandidiri ako. I feel like that mistake is embodied in every inch of my body and no matter what I do, it can't be removed.

“Sorelle!” sigaw ulit ni Mommy.

“Palabas na po!”

Binitawan ko ang hair brush bago na lumabas ng kwarto ko.