Sometimes Love Isn't Enough

Falling

I can't believe he's fuckn cheated
again, I really can't. I am currently sitting in our suite dumbfounded when I hear a knock on the door.
"Fuck off Brendon! I don't want to see you".
"Carlyn, it's Patrick. Can I come in?"
"Only if you're alone. I don't want to see either of those 2 dicks!"
I hear Patrick sigh.. as he comes in.
"Carlyn, I'm so sorry this has happened again. I don't understand him."
"I feel so stupid, Patrick, like everyone's been laughing at me behind my back. Does everyone know?"
"No, it was just Brendon, Elise & Pete latterly. Apparently, he's been trying to get Brendon to tell you. He feels terrible.".
"Patrick, can you get Skai for me, please? She's due a feed and change."
"Yeah, I'm also staying with you tonight. I don't want you to be alone, especially now."
"Thanks, Patrick. I appreciate that."

**Patrick's POV**

I head next door to get Skai and gather up some clothes. "Brendon, I'm taking Skai to Carlyn. She's due a feed and a change before bed. I'm also staying in your room tonight to keep an eye on her.
"Thanks Trick, how is she?"
"How the FUCK do you think she is?? At least he has the decency to look ashamed.  "Seriously, Brendon. Try to get some sleep, and if you want to live long  enough to see Skai grow up, I would wait at least until the morning before trying to speak to her. I'd also lay of the alcohol if I were you." I tell him, indicating towards the bottle in his hand.

**Next Morning**

I have packed up our stuff from the room as we are due to check out soon. I'm glad Patrick stayed last night. I hear the door open and see Brendon coming in. "I need fresh clothes...."
"Get what you need and fuck off. Your stuff is packed, ready to go to the venue. Skai and I are leaving soon. If you're not ready, you can make your own way there. I'm not waiting for you!"
"Carly.... we need to talk..... about last night.."
"You've had plenty of time to talk over the last few months....."
"I know, and I'm sorry .... I should've...."
"Yes, you fucking should have, but it's too little too late.." I shove him out the room and lock the door. Fuck Brendon Urie!!

We arrive at the venue and head straight to the dressing rooms. The guys are getting ready for soundcheck when Nicole sits down.
"Carlyn, are you ok? What's going on? We all heard you screaming at Brendon last night. You could cut the atmosphere in here with a knife, and Brendon looks an absolute wreck."
"A wreck?? Hes fuckin lucky hes still breathing Nicole and the reason why has just walked through the fucking door!"
Before anyone can register what's happening, I am on my feet heading straight towards Elise. Brendon has obviously guessed what's about to happen, but before he could reach me, I've already smacked Elise in the face.
"What the fuck Carlyn, have you lost your mind?" Elise asks, shocked at what I've just done. I go to hit her again, but Brendon has grabbed a hold of me.
"Carlyn!....Don't..."
"Don't what???? Hit her?, hit you?.....WHAT BRENDON?? You've fucking caused this!!"
"She's pregnant....."
"Oh I fucking know! ...... " Everyone in he room is stunned at my outburst. Nicole has Skai, and she's looking at me for answers. Elise starts to speak, "Carlyn, I'm sor...."
"Don't YOU FUCKING DARE tell my you're sorry  I don't want to hear it. You must think I'm stupid!" She looks over at Brendon for help....
"Don't even bother looking at him. I know everything. I found out last night! You slept together!! There's a chance that the baby is HIS!! Fuck here I was trying to support you, meanwhile, you've been screwing my husband behind my back, when I was PREGNANT!!! You both make me sick. Yes, everyone, you heard right. My husband has been screwing this......this whore!!"
"CARLYN!! That is enough......" he shouts at me.
"Enough, Brendon......ENOUGH!!! Oh I'm just getting started,  and by the way you stupid bitch the dating scan is only a guideline not an exact date of conception."
Just then Pete and Patrick come running in....."Pete can you take Carlyn to your dressing room?" Brendon asks trying to shove me out of the room and calm things down. Pete tries to take my arm to pull me out.
"Carlyn, come on...." I turn round, and my fist meets his face with a whack. He looks stunned.
"Oh, and do NOT get me started on you, PETER!!! I trusted you with my life. We were friends!! And what do you do?? You keep quiet about all of this. You have no idea how I feel just now. I feel, like I've been kicked in the gut!! This, this I could almost expect from HIM!!! He's done it before.. But YOU??? I never saw that one coming. I get that he's one of your best mates, but covering from him!!! I expected better from you!!" By this time, I'm a crying, snotty mess purely through anger. You could hear a pin drop in the room. I take Skai and head towards Patrick, leaving the room with him.
After soundcheck, Brendon comes looking for us. I see him pick up Skai and come over to me.
"Carlyn... can we...can we talk?" I look up from my laptop.
"Piss. Off. Brendon." I sigh.
"Are you doing your CBT?"
"Nope, I'm looking for flights home for myself and Skai. I can't remain on tour with you and her. I'm done....."
"Carlyn, you can't leave, I need you both here with me.."
"You should've thought about that before FUCKING HER !!!. I'm leaving and you're not going to stop me!!. I'm sure she'll keep you warm at night hell you'll even get a second chance at experiencing pregnancy!"
"Fuck.Carlyn. How many times do I need to tell you the baby is not mine??"
"You don't know that for sure, Brendon. Who arranged her scan? You? So you could put your guilty conscience to rest. Did you not hear me earlier, Brendon??? The first dating scan is not definitive it's a rough estimate. The only way to know for sure is through a paternity test!"
"I'm not letting you leave, Carlyn. You've just been diagnosed with PND, just started meds, and you are in no fit state to be alone raising Skai just now! I know what it's like starting meds, remember??"
"Yes, I do, and you've just added more stress to that list. Josh will be there. He would happily help me!" Just then, Brendon gets his 5 minute stage call. "Carly, please don't book anything. We will be back in L.A. next week. If you still want to stay home, then you can," he says, leaving for the stage. "I won't stop you."
"Too bloody right, you won't," I shout to his retreating back.

Skai and I are in the dressing room. The show is playing on the TV monitor. To look at Brendon on stage, you wouldn't guess that anything was wrong. It's time for I Can't Make You Love/ Dying in L.A. when I hear Brendon begin to speak.
"Tonight, I'm gonna change things up a bit. I want to dedicate this next song to my wife, who's currently backstage. This is one of her favourite Harry Styles songs. Carlyn I know I've fucked up and I'm so sorry!. I love you more than anything....this one's for you. The guys on stage aren't quite sure what's happening.

I'm in my bed
And you're not here
And there's no one to blame but the drink in my wandering hands
Forget what I said
It's not what I meant
And I can't take it back, I can't unpack the baggage you left
What am I now? What am I now?
What if I'm someone I don't want around?
I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling
What if I'm down? What if I'm out?
What if I'm someone you won't talk about?
I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling
You said you care
And you missed me too
And I'm well aware I write too many songs about you
And the coffee's out
At the Beachwood Cafe
And it kills me 'cause I know we've run out of things we can say
What am I now? What am I now?
What if I'm someone I don't want around?
I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling
What if I'm down? What if I'm out?
What if I'm someone you won't talk about?
I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling
And I get the feeling that you'll never need me again
What am I now? What am I now?
What if you're someone I just want around
I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling
What if I'm down? What if I'm out?
What if I'm someone you won't talk about?
I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling

As he goes into Dying in L.A., I'm sitting unaware of the tears falling from my eyes. I love Brendon, but I just can't see how I can  forgive him for this. 7 years ago, I gave him a second chance. I thought we had put it all behind us, but to think he might have another child with someone else, that's a game changer. He's broken my heart for the last time.

**A.N.**

I know Falling wasn't released until 2020, but for the purpose of the story, I made it earlier.