Chapter 3: Headhunters

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Dipper Mabel, and I were in the living room, watching a show on television called Duck-tective. The show features a constable and a duck detective standing next to a telephone booth that has limbs of an unseen dead person sticking out. While watching the television program, Mabel knits a new sweater and Dipper eats popcorn from a bowl. Mabel reaches for some popcorn, but Dipper slaps her hand.

{On TV.}

Constable: I'm afraid your services won't be required here, sir. My men have examined the evidence, and this is obviously an accident.

Duck-tective: (Starts quacking, the subtitles read:) Accident, constable? Or is it...Murder?!

Constable: What?!TV announcer Duck-tective will return after these messages.

{Back to us}

Mabel: (Drops her sweater and gasps) That duck is a genius!

Dipper: Eh, it's easier to find clues when you're that close to the ground.

Mabel: (Hands on her hips, squinting at Dipper doubtfully) Are you saying you could outwit Duck-tective?

Dipper: Mabel, I have very keen powers of observation. For example, just by smelling your breath, I can tell that you have been eating (Sniffs) ...an entire tube of toothpaste?!

Mabel: (Her mouth covered in sparkling toothpaste) It was so sparkly...Soos Ramirez: (Runs in) Hey, dudes, you'll never guess what I found!

Dipper: Buried treasure!

Mabel: Buried-- (laughs and pushes Dipper playfully) Hey, I was gonna say that!

Soos: (Leading the twins to a door) So, I was cleaning up, when I found this secret door, hidden behind the wallpaper. It's crazy bonkers creepy! (Opens the door)The room is filled with several different wax sculptures.

Dipper: (Shining a flashlight around) Whoa! It's a secret wax museum!

Mabel: (Fingering Wax Sherlock Holmes) They're so life-like.

Dipper: (Shines flashlight and points to Stan) Except for that one.

Stan: Hello!

Dipper, Mabel and Soos: (Scream in surprise)

Stan: (Chuckles) It's just me, your Grunkle Stan!

Dipper, Mabel and Soos: (Scream even louder in fright and run away)

{Timeskip}

Stan: Behold the Gravity Falls Wax Museum! It was one of our most popular attractions... before I forgot all about it. I got 'em all! Genghis Khan, Sherlock Holmes, Genki, (Looks at a wax sculpture of Larry King) some kind of, I don't know, goblin man?

Dipper: (Shudders) Is anyone else getting the creeps here?

M: No, not really.

Stan: And now for my personal favorite: Wax Abraham Lincoln, right over-- (Looks at the melted glob of wax on the floor, which is under sunlight from the window above it) Oh! Oh no! Come on, who left the blinds open? Wax John Wilkes Booth, I'm looking in your direction! (Bends down and puts finger in wax; sighs) How do you fix a wax figure?

Mabel: Cheer up, Grunkle Stan. Where's that smile?

Stan: Egh.Mabel: Beep, bop, boop! (Cheerfully pokes Stan in the face)

Stan: Ow.

Mabel: Don't worry, Grunkle Stan. I'll make you a new wax figure from all this old wax!

Stan: You really think you can make one of these puppies?

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