Purdy love? (boyxboy)

Love me more

ANDY POV-

The next morning Ashley sleeps soundly next to me. I look at him, his tear streaked face, the look of serious pain etched into his beautiful face. I reach out and touch his cheek. I don't stroke it. I just touch it to be able to feel his warmth. Today, Ashley and I decided to just stay at home, we won't be visiting CC. Ashley said he doesn't want to because he's unsure if he can even look at CC.

About 3 hours later ash finally wakes up, I had already gotten up, made breakfast, eaten, showered and now I was laying back down. He rolls over and kisses me lightly on the lips. "They really hurt" he croaks. I let myself frown. "They will for another few days" I say lowly. He moves around until he's looking at me. "The pain is still in my heart" he says and I look at him confused. "It doesn't get rid of pain, why did you?" He asks, I close my eyes "I" I don't know what to say. "Andy?" Ashley says "it gets rid of the pain temporarily" I tell him. "I just thought if I did it every time I began to feel pain I would stop feeling it" I said.he kissed me three times.

It's around 11:30pm at night, we are watching the end credits of a movie, mainly because I was too lazy to get up and change it. It feel kind of like old time I'm lying on Ashley and he has his arm wrapped around me. My phone buzzes in my hand and Ashley looks at me as if waiting to answer it. I lift my arm up, and as if in slow motion I answer it without bothering to look at the contact, to be honest I think it's one of the boys wanting to know why we never visited today. "Hello?" I ask. The words that I hear stops my heart. "G-get your ass d-down h-here" CCs tired cracking unused voice comes through the phone, I rip the phone away from my ear and look at the contact and surely enough CC's contact comes up. I push the phone to my ear again and slap my hand over my mouth. "Give us a minute" I say to my sobs.

When I hang up ash looks at me, because I'm crying he thinks the worst, "Andy-" he says approaching me,ni guess he was going to kiss me. But only a smile spreads along my face and I run my hands through my hair. I lean over and just land a billion kisses all over ash. "Let's go see him!" I beam. The look of realization over Ashley makes me so happy. Grabbing the keys we both stride out of the room and into the car. "CC called" I say smiling at the name CC.

We get there and Jennifer the nurse who we know well...sadly...smiled at us. It wasn't of pity off sympathy either. Ashley made sure he was the first to enter the room, myself trailing behind. CC is sitting up, breathing all by himself, smiling,drinking,laughing. I cannot hold it back anymore. I squat on the ground being unable to stand and run my fingers though my hair.

I eventually stand up, CC holds Ashley's hand and is smiling at him and listening to his rambling. He still looks weak and just unstable, but I know he is much less pain. CCs facial expression changes when Ashley mumbles something and moves away from CC's hand that must've slipped and whacked his leg. "G-get out" he said directing his eyes over to jinxx and jake. He didn't say it mean, he just said it. Jake smiled and left jinxx trailing behind. I go to leave but CC stops me. "Now,s-show me" CC demands looking at ash. He looks at me tears brimming his eyes. I nod and make my way over. He slowly undoes his belt and looks straight at CC as he does so. Pushing his pants down but leaving his boxers. I see my bandaging poking out.

When I look back at Ashley he has unwrapped my bandaging but allows his boxers to cover them. "A-Ashley" CC says firmly. Ashley finally lifts his boxers up , he won't look at his own thigh. Yet I cannot pull my eyes away from them, is this what I looked like when I did this? The deep lines scatter his thigh like rubbish. Eventually I do manage to pull my eyes away, I look at CC once again. He cries for Ashley. His shoulders shake and his face moulds into scared pain. Ashley ripping up his pants and not bothering to do his belt back up is at CC's side. "I only did it once" he keeps repeating, "Andy helped me" he keeps saying. "I will never do it again" he says. I look at CC for a moment. He shakes his head slowly, not angry, just upset. He looks at Ashley again. He doesn't even have to ask, Ashley answers. "I was told it stops pain" he says. CC shakes his head and opens his arms out for ash, Ashley hugs him softly not wanting to injure him more.

Ashley pulls up his pants again and looks at me, he comes over and kisses me again, I feel the sadness in his kiss so I hug him. Ashley goes outside for a moment for a breath, jake is showering and jinxx is in the room with me. "You scared us" I finally talk to CC. CC let's out a sad chuckle. "It w-was my f-fault, I-I hope the o-other guys isn't in t-trouble" he says. "Well, we will just have to hope he isn't" jinxx says.

Jake comes back in holding a bottle of water for CC and hands it to him. "Was ash out there?" I ask he shrugs, "no" he says. I get up and look outside of the room, and I don't see ash, I walk around the hospital and I still don't seem ash. I call him repeatedly. And he doesn't answer. I'm worried by now and after going I say goodbye to CC I left, I didn't bother telling him about the ash situation because I can't stress him out.

I get into the car and I slowly drive all the way home, I am aware that it is 4:50 am In the morning but I'm generally worried. I get inside and drive circles around the hospital. 'Dont cry,don't cry' I think to myself. I drive to our home and I swing open the door not bothering to lock it. I look in every room until I reach our room. In a red envelope I read;

Andy,
I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you as much as I have for the past few months we've been together. Every time I see your sad face I die a little on the inside. You can deny all you like but you must accept the fact it's true. To tell you the truth I have been think about doing this for many months. I would have preferred to kiss you one last time, to say goodbye one last time. But every time I had tried saying goodbye. I couldn't. I'm not okay, the big, strong, amazing, determined Ashley, has never existed. I'm hurting you so much and there is no avoiding it. The day I hit you in the hospital that is when I decided to start witing this letter. The look of betrayal on my friends faces and the look of hurt in your eyes. CC laying in the bed and I knew, we all knew that the last thing he saw was me putting you through pain again. You can come and try find me but by the time you have even seen this envelope I've left. I'm already out of LA and heading somewhere else. To change and be a happier nicer man. But don't be surprise if you find that I've killed myself. I love you so much babe. I'm begging you to move on from me because I'm not worth it. I want to be able to walk past you one day and see you smiling and being happy, because you only deserve happiness. I will always be happy if your happy. I love you more than I can ever scream. But I'm sorry

Ash xx

I collapse, I don't feel anything. I just sob loudly a few bangs on the walls tell me so. My heart feel broken in two and I can't even breathe properly. I rip at my hair and I scream begging for Ashley to be able to hear me but I know he won't. How could he have been so sad around me, how could he have been wallowing away in his own depression and I have not noticed. Images of his smile, his laugh, his body, his voice, him. Just flash through my mind. He was so sad. So lonely. I was not a good boyfriend. I curl into a ball and sob.

I still haven't really moved at all for the past three days. I haven't gone to see CC. I won't answer calls. I'm not even eating. I get up to go to the toilet, and I eat a little everyday but I feel so sick I throw it back up. When the doorbell rings I run to answer it only to be disappointed when I look through the peephole to see jinxx or jake. I get excited to see ash every time. But he isn't coming back and then I go and cry some more. I long to feel his warm arms holding me.

But I know I will never be feeling them again

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HEYO
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