Sometimes Love Isn't Enough

Better Man

**Brendon's POV**

The last 2 days have been utter hell. Carlyn and I are going through the motions. The only time we speak is when it's about Skai. She's shutting me out completely. I certainly don't blame her. I am ashamed of the way I've treated her and to a certain extent Elise, but she was a willing participant in all of this. I know I had a cheek to get jealous of how close her and Josh are when I had already cheated twice, but it hurt. I can only imagine how she's feeling. Every time I try to talk to her, she shoots me down in flames. The shows continue as though nothing is wrong, but it's hard performing when your life is falling to pieces around you.

**Carlyn's POV**

I will be glad to get off this bus. It's really hard to ignore someone when you are living in a confined space with them. Josh has phoned me twice, but >
I've just let it go to voicemail. I can't talk to him just now. I texted him to tell him not to worry and that I'll be in touch soon. I need time to deal with things by myself. I'm deep in thought when Brendon brings Skai in for her nap. Now that she's nearly 3 months old, she's awake more and becoming more aware of everything around her. She's developing her own little personality. She gets more like Brendon every day.  She has his chocolate brown eyes and plump lips as well as his hair.
"Carlyn, we have to talk about this....we can't go on like this."
"I know, Brendon!, but you've hurt me so fuckn much. I'm still trying to process what you both did. I was 7 and 1/2 months pregnant, we had a stupid argument but I didn't go and fuck somebody else!. I blamed myself for your accident. All the worry we went through. I begged you to wake up, and I was so, so relieved when you did. I didn't care what injuries you would be left with. We would deal with it as a family."
"Carly, I am so sorry, I...."
"I'm not finished, Brendon. Now I feel like I never mattered. We NEVER mattered. The fact that you willingly risked our marriage and family for a cheap fuck, kills me. It's not as if we were neglecting our sex life, Bren. Fuck it never stopped us but obviously thar just wasn't enough for you. That's one of the things that hurts me the most. I. WASN'T. ENOUGH. Tell me, honestly, Bren. When you woke up, did you remember the events of that night?" I ask him, willingvhim to be him to be honest with me. He looks at me  sheepishly before he begins to speak.
"Things were hazy at first, but it started to come back in bits and pieces over the following days."
"Did you remember cheating on me with her?"
"Yes....but I thought if I pretended not to remember that I could forget about it, but then Pete told me that it was all on the security footage."
"So you remembered, and you still continued to act like nothing happened." I state in disbelief "You continued to sleep with me, make love to me, and plan for our future together. That makes me feel dirty, cheap, and worthless. I really thought you were a better man, especially after the last time..... I do appreciate your honesty, though, Bren." he reaches for my hand, but I pull away. "This isn't me forgiving you, Bren. When we get back home, I'm through with this. Skai and I are not coming back on the road. We need time apart from each other to decide what happens next. You need to deal with the situation you've created and the resulting consequences of your actions. I need to work on my Post Natal Depression and arrange counselling. This certainly hasn't helped the situation, but I need to do this at home, not on the road and certainly not on a cramped tour bus."
"I don't want you to leave Carly..."
"And I didn't want you to fuck somebody else Bren, but here we are...."
There's a knock and Mike tells Brendon that it's time for soundcheck.
"You'd better go..." I say dismissively, turningvaway from him as he kisses Skai so he can't see the tears that are forming in my eyes.  I know he's hurting, but to be honest, he's brought all of this on himself. Once he's left, I feel like a massive weight has been lifted from my chest. Once Skai is awake, I feed and change her and decide to take her out in her stroller for some fresh air.

** Brendon's POV **

Once the soundcheck is over, I head back to the dressing room and find Pete and Patrick are already in there
"Hey guys, listen, I'm sorry that you have all been pulled into all of this drama between Carlyn and I."
"How are things between yous?" Patri k asks.
"Not great, but we at least managed to communicate civily earlier. She's not coming back out on the road with us. Her and Skai are gonna be staying home."
"How do you feel about that?" Pete chimes in.
"Not great, I mean, I know why she's doing it. Seeing Elise every day, especially as the pregnancy is starting to show, is a constant reminder of what we've done to her."

**Petes POV**

As I'm heading back to our bus, I see Carlyn walking Skai in her stroller.  We've not really spoken since the night she found out about Elise.
"Hey Carlyn! you got a minute?" I ask.
"Yeah," she sighs
"Listen, I'm really sorry I never told you about Brendon and Elise....."
"I get it, Pete it wasn't your place to tell me. You were trying to get him to do the right thing by getting him to come clean. Don't get me wrong, it still hurts, but I do get it. I'm sorry I punched you. It wasn't your fault. You just got caught in the crossfire."
"Hey, I get it. No harm done. You have a hell of a right hook, though."I laugh. "I hear you're staying when we get back home. Are you gonna be OK?"
"Honestly? No, but it's for the best, Pete. I can't see her every day knowing that she's possibly carrying my husbands baby. It hurts too much. I've arranged weekly counselling for my PND. I need to work on myself and remove myself and Skai from this toxic environment."  she tells me as I give her a quick hug.
"We'll miss you, but you're doing the best thing for yourself......Friends??"
"Yes, Pete, we're still friends."

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*Time Skip 5 days*

It's good to be home. The guys have almost finished their week off. They're due to head out to start the 2nd leg of the tour in 2 days. I've just had my first counselling session, and the medication is gradually working. Brendon's been spending as much time as he possibly can  with Skai before he goes. Things have been slightly easier between Brendon and I now that we have more space to ourselves. He's been sleeping in the guest room or in beside Skai in the nursery. I know it's breaking his heart, leaving her behind, but I just can't go back on the road with him. We've arranged to FaceTime regularly for the sake of Skai. We haven't officially separated, but this time apart will give us both time to think things over and reassess our relationship. Tonight, we are having a get-together with everyone before they head to North America.  Josh and Tyler are coming coming over as they're joining the guys for this leg of the tour. Things between Josh and Brendon are, you could say,  somewhat frosty. Once I told him about everything that's happened, he was ready to beat 50 shades of shit out of Brendon, I told him I appreciated his loyalty,  but it was between Brendon and I and that it wouldn't solve anything. Plus, things are bad enough as they are, what with them being on this leg of the tour, without adding to them.

Everyone seems to have enjoyed themselves. Skai has loved seeing all her aunts and uncles again. She's become a little party animal, just like her dad. She's also become very vocal. She's discovered she can make a noise, a lot of noise. Brendon is putting Skai to bed whilst I  start tidying up. When he comes back, down, he hands me a rum and coke.
"C'mon Carly, leave it. We can get it in the morning. You've hardly sat down all day." I sigh, taking my drink from him following him to the sofa. "Look, I know I've caused this situation, but I'm really worried about leaving you. Will you be OK? With Josh coming on this leg of the tour, he won't be here to help..."
"I'll be fine, we'll be fine. We have Meagan, Jenna, and Gérard and Lindsay.
"I'm really gonna miss you both, so much...."
"Bren, I'll keep you updated on Skai, but I need you to take this time apart to really think about what you did, why you did it, and to seriously think about what you want."
"Carlyn, I ........."
"No, Brendon, I mean it, seriously think this through. What if you are the father of Elise's baby? What happens then? Do you want to be involved in their life? What about Skai and I? Where would we fit in.  I would never stop you. It's not the baby's fault. You also need to have a long, hard look at yourself.  Why have you cheated on me, not once but twice? Well, twice that I know of......." I say downing my drink, leaving him on the sofa nursing his drink, deep in thought.