Dawn of the Unconquered Sun (Part 8 of the Ignaius-Saga)

Veritias

They were escorted from the tavern and made their way back through the streets of Apricia toward the Palace of the Sun. As he had been all day, Variel kept a hold on Tanier's arm, and though he looked around, he wasn't meeting anyone's eye. The way Variel was clutching to him made Tanier fear for the worst, even if he did not have the faintest idea, what "the worst" could actually be. He was not aware about anything recently happening that could have upset Variel that much - or so reluctant to talk. It was a long walk back to the palace and it was not easy for him to control his impatience, but he new that rushing Variel would make matters worse. So he waited. They were greeted by the palace staff that passed them on their way up to their room, asked several times if there was anything they needed.

Then, at last, they were alone.

Variel stood by the table for a time, just staring at its surface. When he spoke, he didn't look up.

"....I know what triggers my power..."

It was strange how he didn't feel satisfaction for his discovery. That in itself was a complete paradox.

"What?", asked Tanier and his voice carried some of his impatience.

Mentally he was running scenarios through his head, wondering what could possibly be so bad or so embaressing and it was a good thing that he did not have much time to speculate, befor Variel replied:

"Veritas."

Variel spoke the word in a voice that would have been inaudible had the room not been so quiet or had Tanier not been impatiently waiting for it. It almost sounded as if he was muttering to himself, and in a way, he was. Then, he looked up at Tanier to explain.

"It is truth that drives me, or rather, the need to seek or reveal it. Since reading Xero's diary, and even more so since discussing it with Vis, I've been trying to analyze each instance of my power manifesting. Every time I feel it rising in me, it is the result of realizing that something is being hidden, a lie is being told or has been told, or that someone is believing a lie. I believe I've told you before that I myself cannot lie, and this has been true throughout my whole life, to the great frustration of my brothers."

Slowly, Variel sat down. "When I was a child and I discovered the sack of stolen messages in the stables, I knew that my nanny had been stealing and hiding things from my family. She had tried to hide it from me, tried to keep me from going to the stables to discover it. At Ond, Nevalla swore to us that - if you signed the paper - we would be released unharmed. Instead, you signed the document and he ordered me killed. I... don't consciously remember it, but I can only guess that part of my mind was still somewhat aware. When Vance turned on me and made his threats, I knew he had been plotting in secret, that he was participating in a deception. When I demanded the truth from him, he refused to divulge it, which only made me angrier. Until I knew the truth of your fate and the scene itself, my power did not subside."

He stopped for a few moments, gathering himself together to finish listing his examples.

"Before that, in the council chamber at Stoneshield, I made a huge discovery about myself and the roots of my power. You may remember what happened to me, how it... for lack of a better word, empowered me. Later, when we met with the Disciples and I asked them why they wore masks, that woman claimed it was to make them all the same, to conceal their identity so that they were not individual. That was simply not true. The masks and the purpose they were supposed to serve were lies and they concealed the truth of someone's identity. When I confronted Elina, she provoked me and even suggested I lie about how I felt concerning her father's death. Thinking about him infuriated me because of all the lies and scheming he had done, and that on top of the knowledge of her lie about me brought out 'Ignaius.' Then... today... it finally hit me as we spoke with the councilman, when you mentioned the false path or false truth the Disciples cling to. When it was worded that way and I thought about it in that light, I felt the power return... and now... Now I understand how to summon it..."

At last, he looked directly at Tanier and fell silent. He was waiting for a reaction. He didn't exactly expect a negative one, and in fact, he wondered if the king would be perplexed at how somber Variel felt in regards to this discovery. After all, his purpose was to find truth, and he had just discovered the truth of that purpose. Even Variel thought he should feel pleased and triumphant. Instead, he was afraid.

"That's it?"

The king had patiently listened, now he smiled at Variel, truly happy and relaxed, now that this thing was out.

"That is beautiful."

He reached out for the young men, pulled him a little closer and kissed him.

"I was afraid it may be something horrible. Like sacrificing babies. Why were you so upset about it? We were searching for so long and now you found something. That is great."

A part of him immediately started to ask for proof, for a test, but he could wait. First he had to find out, what Variel's problem was.

Variel tried to take comfort in the king's embrace, in that kiss, but his thoughts and fears wouldn't allow it just yet. He wanted to be able to rejoice, but he couldn't. Not yet.

"I think a small part of it may be that I am now fully responsible for this power. I know what causes it and may even be able to twist my own thoughts to summon it at will. I suppose I should feel safer, but even
knowing what brings it on doesn't mean i won't hurt people with it. It doesn't necessarily mean I have control. It just means... I know what happened when I lose control."

Then, he pulled in a shaky breath, ready to reveal the larger part of it. He looked up at Tanier, looked him directly in the eyes.

"But you have lied to me. You hid that plot from me and let me believe that you and my family were at war, that my world was splitting in two around me. When I think of it - even now - I feel the power ignite
inside me and begin to boil. But... something stops it, like sealing a top on a pot of water ready to boil over. It freezes in my chest, and then very slowly begins to subside. In its wake I feel..." He paused to
search for the right way to describe it. "I feel... empty and hollow, while at the same time, there is pain. It's not just emotional pain either. It... physically hurts until I can find some way to truly distract myself from it."

At that point, he tore his eyes away. He was already feeling that pain, the process he had described occurring even as he spoke of it. "I told you that I understood why you lied to me, and I meant that. Even now, I know that a man in your position sometimes has to lie or hide the truth, and this is what terrifies me. I can't say for certain what is preventing me from losing control with you... Maybe it has something to
do with my feelings for you, but how long before the pressure is too much. How long before the water bursts the seal, and what would have been an overflow becomes an explosion? I fear the same with Vis. By his nature, he is secretive and conceals things from those he does not fully trust. I believe that he means to protect us, but I worry that my power won't discriminate. Xero's didn't..."

Tanier held Variel closer as he seemed to long for comfort. As he listened, he was asking himself, if he should be concerned. Maybe he should. Variel clearly was. But somehow he could not find even the faintest shadow of concern in his heart.

"So I can never lie to you again?" he suggested in a lighthearted tone. "You may be surprised to hear that I rarely lie. So this will not be too hard."

Then he continued more serious: "I know it is more complex and it may not always be easy, but I mean it: It is not a bad thing. I told you I do not want you to live for vengeance, no matter what. I am completely fine with you living for truth. We will find out better and better how it actually works. And I can't help to feel that it will make you a great weapon against the Disciples."

To him the matter was settled for now. He kissed Variel. Probably it was too easy to believe that every problem could be solved with a kiss, but so far it had worked quite well and it expressed quite good how he actually felt. This was the biggest step forward in a long time and he was truly happy. The way his hands came up to gently rub Variel's shoulders clearly indicated that he was not much interested in further discussing the matter right now. What he wanted right now, was Variel.