You loving me is my biggest flex ~Part 2

13.

(Song: It'll be okay~ Shawn Mendes)
(Or the song: Another love~ Jaymes Young)

She felt miserable.
Utterly miserable.
Her heart laid before her on the carpet, in multiple different shapes and colors.
She had tried the whole night to puzzle it back together, to find the missing pieces, to feel clean, to feel whole.
But as it laid there she realized something: It was broken.
It was such a funny and fucked up truth that she had begun laughing roughly.
It was broken beyond repair.
It laid there on the ground, shattered into billion pieces and she was never good at puzzles. She sucked at it.
And now she sucked at pulling herself back together.
No tape, nor glue could put those pieces together again.
And so she cried surrounded by her own shards. Her knees bruised, her eyes swollen red and glassy.
Her phone was on constant vibration.
Uni could wait.
Her friends could wait.
Right now she did not want to see anyone, nor speak with a single soul.
She wanted to sink deeper into her despair. Spiraling into the pitch black hole her heart had become.
How many scars could she justify because she loved the person holding the knife?
And she actually already knew the answer: an endless amount of time.
She loved him so dearly that she had forgotten how badly love could hurt.
How could love be so beautiful yet so cruel?
It was perfect and then everything went downhill.
And the worst part of it was thinking that maybe everything had been a lie.
Avarine had been there before her.
Was Aresu a simple distraction?
A summer-fun-to-go?
Was that perfect-love only in her heart?
That whole truth was bitter on its own.
But what made it worse: she was the same.
She had kissed JJ out of pure revenge, using him as a distraction. And her "sorry" was not enough in the slightest.
Dear heart, why him?
Why him...
Because Rafe had fucking showed her how wonderful love can be.
He showed her the sun.
He had showed her the beauty of herself and her body.
Never before had she felt to self-conscious.
So brave.
So beautiful.
And now? Now she felt like a wreck. Like a mess. Haha...funny.
But what was there to do?
Looking at the dirty floor was not going to make any difference.
An apology? To whom?
Aresu buried her hands into her hair and ripped at it, once again bawling her eyes out.
She had no strength left in her limbs, body feeling useless and heavy, tears dry and unwelcome, cheeks raw and red from crying and a splitting headache had crept up to knock on the "get on your nerves"-door.
Everything was perfect!
She hadn't slept at all and she was madly happy that her family was gone on a trip these days, because what if they had seen her like that—too weak to stand up, too sad to dry the tears, too broken to function properly—well, better not.
There was nothing to fix. Broken things are being thrown away these days. And that's what she fucking wanted right now. Throw herself away with all the problems and agony it brought.
Moving up to a more straight position she sighed heavily while shivering.
One baby step at a time...
It took her ten minutes so stand up. And three more minutes to finally lay inside the bed and cover herself up with the blanket.
The phone slipped from the mattress onto the floor, the clattering a visible shock to her.
But right now she did not have the strength to pick it up again, so she laid there, blanket pulled up to her nose, eyes watery and looking into true nothingness.
That's it, I can sleep now, she thought.
Sleep never came to her.

Joo that's so heartbreaking. Sorry for putting you through that, girl <3 here's a tissue, luv:
🧺
Here's the Outro for even more heartbreak: