To my Dearest Friend

Be happy for me

My beautiful Yves,

Firstly I want to thank you for your heartfelt letter. You were right the french marvel just like we do at them. You must know that however happy I seem to be in these letter I dwell on not having you here. Yesterday was my first ball and oh Yves, I met somebody extraordinary, he makes me thinks of you, but even more... free. I will try to describe him, imagine you are standing in a saloon it's only you and the person right in front of you, at first glance their face looks like they are a woman, they are even wearing the slightest bit of make-up. Can you imagine? He was wearing a blue suit but notb dark blue like you do so often, a suit as blue as the summer sky. His feminine hands wrapped in see-through lace gloves, over these gloves he wears several rings, and that's not the only jewelery he so proudly wears, imagine a string of pearls glistening in the moonlight around his neck and pearl earrings. His green eyes never look at you for more than half a minute. He is mesmerising, with his long lashes and long white blonde hair. I hope you can imagine him. He is part from the Polignac family. I will be visiting him again Friday. I hope you are happy for me.

I'm sorry, I am ignoring your feeling of dread. Of course I get your points but darling it's not like you're out of sight out of mind. Thank you for your encouragement by the way.

Je t'aime.

Thank you for the novel. I loved it I read it in one sitting. Arthur Co nan Doyle is a genius. I was thinking of giving you something from parts but I couldn't think of something. So with these letter I attach ed some of my first attesa attempts at at amateur Photographing.

I already am living it,

to my darling dearest,

your dearest friend, our Cyril Courtenay

Every time I receive my letter from France I seem to feel a little relief. It's not that I don't have faith in him but Paris, you know, it remains Paris. And I'm just regular Yves. I open the letter in my study. I feel a tear prickling my eye as he says that he dwells on not having me there. He misses me. I take of my cravat and sit down on my divan. He met somebody extraordinary. I feel my face smile but everything feels numb. I'm glad he met... I can't finish that sentence truthfully. I want to throw the letter across the room, he describes him like he is something out of this world. who is this guy? You just met him Cyril, think for a second. Have some common sense! What do you think he has to offer? he seem to be somebody who wouldn't even read a book. He needs the whole day to decide what to wear! he wouldn't get you cyril, there are not many people who would and that's why we have eachother. I want to say that to him but I know I should be happy he has found somebody interesting there. I feel my heart beating in my throat. I'm not mad I am nervous for him, he doesn't know anything about this person. But I decide to discard my feeling and read the rest of the letter. I smile, I'm not out of sight out of mind, why does he use the french expression? can't he say he loves me? the only difference is that je t'aime can be both I love you and I like you. He never ever said it, he always found a way to avoid it. I am thinking too much, how would it be possible to love another man! it is not, well, I know people who love eachother but some would argue that is only for pleasure. But this feeling, I have never had it with somebody else. Did he have it with me? is that a weird thing to ask? We have shared all things possible what would we be called? I don't know. Does he know? Does he want to know? Do I want to know?

I grab a paper and put it in my typewriter. Who are we?I start to write out every try ends up in a melancholic letter or something worse. I genuinely want to be happy for him but these feelings are like honey they stick to you. It makes everything feel icky. Why do I feel this awful way. I can't stand it. I have never believed in something as superficial as love but when I met him, he lit up my world. Does this person do that for him? Because if so he deserves it.