To my Dearest Friend

How much?

Yves montague

I'm reading a book when the bell rings. I'm quite confused because I'm not expecting anyone. I open the door, two uniformed man are standing there. 'Goodmorning Lord Montague, This is detective Skinner and I am detective Millover, could we come in?' he asks. I frown, 'Of course gentlemen.' I say, I close the door behind us and look at them as they look at the big hall, clearly at least a little bit impressed.

'We are here to inform about this letter.' One says. 'I am sorry gentleman but what letter are we talking about?' My smile drops as they hand me a letter from Cyril. 'I don't understand,' I say but the detective looks suspiciously at me, 'Would you mind if we would look around?' one of them asks.

'Yes, I would mind' I hear someone saying behind me. I turn around, It's my father. 'Yves, I'll handle this.' He walks towards the detectives. 'Your grace,' both of them make a curtsy. he dismisses it with an arrogant wave of his hand, my father has mastered the art of being an aristocrat. 'What seems to be the problem gentleman?' He asks as he puts on his pince-nez and starts to read the letter. 'Father I...' With a slight movement of his hand he shuts me up, he takes the off his glasses and massages the bridge of his nose. 'So your grace.' One begins but my father only looks up and says. 'How much?' 'Father' 'Go away Yves, wait in the study.' I listen to him, his whole appearance is screaming authority right now. I am not sure whether to admire him, be proud or scared.

I walk away, afraid of what my father might do, how he will react. Afraid of the blood I will taste again in a minute, even though I believe he has changed it turns out I am still afraid of him, Why shouldn't I be? There's still so much of that man inside him, how do I know he won't forget the promise he made me. I am frightened and why shouldn't I be? How am I going to explain this? He'll hurt me or if I'm lucky disown me. And let's be honest, I do not know much about the world withour generational wealth.

I look around m me, the room reflects nothing about me, well almost nothing, the books do reflect me, so that's good. You could also say that this room reflects my childhood, the way i was brought up in the storm of society. I still feel so foreign here, I do not understand, Even though I promise to have healed myself and taken away the pressure of society I see that that won't be possible. Society is still here to put their pressure on me and I will never be truly free, maybe Cyril was right and should've run off a long time ago. Would I be happy?

I would have to missed so many people back here, I would have never healed the relationship between my father and I. I would've missed so much, I wouldn't have met akiva, I wouldn't know that Frances has somebody she loves, but maybe, just maybe this heart that is festering inside of me would have bloomed, instead of Died. I sigh can we ever truly know? I wonder. There are so many possibilities, would  he have abandoned me too? Cyril, Would you have hated yourself just as much as you do now? I wonder, Will you always hate yourself? Or is that only the case when you cannot obtain your dreams my rain? But I would wonder these things forever and still I would never find and answer, not for you, and not for me.

My father enters the room and closes the door behind him. His broad back radiates anger and disdain. 'Father I can explain, I am sorry but....' He cuts me off. 'Listen to me Yves, listen very closely, you must keep Cyril safe, I can keep your name out of the press and out of any court but Cyril....I won't be able to do the same for him and I am quite certain his father won't do it either.' I frown, 'Don't you want an explanation?' I ask, my father scoffs and chuckles. 'My son' he puts his hand on my cheek. 'Did you really think I would not notice?' I am speechless. 'I too have been young Yves.' he says wiping a away a tear.

Although this makes me feel better it also begs another question. 'Father, if you understand.... why did you hate me?' He chuckles, a bit nervously. 'I am old, I am bitter Yves, I have always been, you were what I wished to be and I.. I was my father.....The one I promised not to be.' He takes a deep breath. 'I am truly sorry Yves, I promise I've always seen you as stronger than anyone, you were exactely the son I wished to have, you are perfection. but that is not what we are talking about right now.' I nod.

'We are sending cyril to Paris, they're a lot less harsh back there. Meanwhile, we will look for a house somewhere in the countryside of France for him so he can have privacy there. You need to be absolutely certain he does not return to England, we need to keep him safe, that is our first and most important priority. secondly we need to be able to get him somewhere accesible as I assume you want to visit him once in a while.' I nod, 'He has till sunset tomorrow to leave, and would prefer it that he'll be long gone than. I can arrange eveything Yves. The only thing you need to do is convince him to go and never ever return to england.'

'Dad,' he looks at me, 'if you love me, who has given them the letter.' He looks down, 'I have my suspicions Yves.' I frown and think for a second 'I think it's my sister' he says with a frown, trying to hide the tears in his eyes. 'Yves, why do you hate my sister so?' He asks with a concerned look on his face, I smile trying to hide the fact my heart is relaesing the poisonous ink of memories and my lungs have stopped breathing. 'She taught me everthing father, and than I really do mean everything. Even things that only adults should know.' I look down, hoping he understands my hyperbolic way of speaking. He puts his hand on my shoulder. 'I am sorry to have forsaken you, you must have felt so alone' He says, hiding the tears he is harbouring in his heart, 'It must have felt so lonely' 'I always had Frances to care for' I answer with a smile, 'Took my mind off of things.' 'It's unfair, I should've been there. I wish I could change it'. he says. 'You're here now, and that is enough dad.' he hugs me

'I'll arrange everything, now go save your love' we saya with a mile. I wont to chork her but before I can he puts up his hand, stopping me. 'It's the least I can do after years of doing nothing. You deserve better' I smile, We do deserve better.