To my Dearest Friend

Roses

I am sitting in the garden of our estate. The roses smell good. I've always liked their smell but never their appearance. I think they are used as an excuse to not know the language or flowers. Everybody knows it means you love them. They are utterly easy to understand, they are a default flower. My mom adores them, she has them in every colour imaginable. I always preferred the white ones with a bit of red at the top. They seem more serene than the others. I take off my glove and softly touch the rose. Cyril has always liked roses but he understood my disregard of them. I've always admired flowers and how awfully simple their life is while we give them so much meaning. For me, a lily could remind me of the day my Grandmother died, for somebody else it would remind them of the day they met their loved one. I feel a hand on my shoulder. It's my mother. I turn around and look down, ready for her to make excuses for my father. 'No one is forcing you to stay here.' she puts her soft hand on my cheek. 'But ultimately we are your home my Yves, my love, My life.' 'I know that mother.' I feel the tears in my eyes. 'It doesn't make it any easier. If it does anything it makes it a lot harder.' 'I know that, I really do my Yves. Just don't hesitate to come back, ever.' I look up trying to hide my tears from her. 'The hardest thing is how much I love him, how much I love you, how much I love being with him. I still admire my father, I've been brought up to do so." 'We love you too Yves, I love you so much, your eyes, the way you look like your father, the way you question everything, your elegance, your manners, your beautiful hair. My god even if you could I would not want you to be any different. And if I were to wish it it would only to make things easier in this Society for you. My son, I love you, never change. Not like I did not like your father did. Be Yves, I tried to raise you like it.'

I pace through the study. 'I don't know Akiva, I have no idea what to do. 'You don't have to decide now Yves, healing is a process especially when it involves multiple people.' 'So what are you saying? 'Do not rush, don't rush so you have more time. don't force yourself to like it. After a while it should and hopefully happen automatically.' I nod. 'Did I say the wrong thing." Akiva shakes his head, 'feeling is not a crime sir Montague, and hopefully it will never be.' 'I wish it was, emotions are incredibly complex.' 'Isn't that what makes them beautiful Brey? what makes us human?' 'I don't know Akiva, perhaps our willingness to create and be remembered is what make us human, our need of being known, our need of a legacy, a need of adoration.' 'We might never know.' He responds. 'Perhaps it's our desires that make us humans. But we are only two examples of what it means to be human' Akiva says. 'What do you mean?' 'Not all humans are humans because they think alike, the real question here is not why are we humans but when does an animal become human? Is it simply biological? or is it a state of mind? Think about it Yves.' 'You are a complex creature Kievele' 'I think the same of you Brey." I say

'Akiva, I realise I never ask about your family.' 'not much to know about it.' 'Really? I doubt it.' He smiles. 'mamele died a few years ago, Tateh is retired and lives by the coast out he doesn't know a lot anymore. I was the youngest of four children.' 'Oh wow, He nods, "my sister is the only one who is still alive today, all of the others died although we have always been quite affluent. I was born in Russia, Don't remember a lot about it because of we left because of the laws against our people.' 'Oh, I'm sorry. 'I do speak russian though.' I nod. 'After that we moved to Germany because of their advances in laws to include them. But nationalism ruined most or it, we decided to move to England but we liked it so much originally we wanted to go to New York but I liked it here so much. I didn't want to leave. My mother agreed and we stayed here. I registered to the church of england as long as I was at oxford while still secretly following my faith. But I didn't want any disadvantaged. I laugh. 'Right you were.' 'Right I was.'