To my Dearest Friend

Walk away

I'm down in the dumps so I decide to treat myself to a good dinner. I've been avoiding Émile. He has invited me to dinner and some other things but I always come up with something that is more important. He always accepts it with grace but he knows I'm avoiding him. He is not daft. I arrive at the restaurant. I sit down at my table when I notice Émile sitting at another table. Oh no, this cannot be a coincidence. I feel so ashamed right now. Why God? can't something be easy in my life? Ever? I have never eaten dinner quite so fast. 

I stand up and walk away. I sigh happily as the night air hits my face but than I hear his voice: 'need a ride home Cyril?' I smile and shake my head. 'No thank you.' 'I insist.' he says. We walk toward his carriage. 'you're avoiding me.' I nod. 'I am.' 'But you haven't told the police, you could've' I nod. 'Why?' We step into the carriage. 'It was a mistake Émile, kissing you was a mistake.' 'Why?' 'I'm not like that Emile.' 'Do not.' I see his eyes change expressions it's an expression I could only describe as saddened anger. 'Do not what?' I ask. 'you can tell me all you want but don't tell me you don't know what it is like to feel like this. Tell me you don't like me, I'm alright with that. Don't pretend Yves was just a friend. You're betraying yourself in front of somebody who is one of the only people in this society who knows how it feels to be a disgrace, a deviant, a stranger in this society. Don't betray yourself.' He knocks on the carriage, the carriage stops. He opens the door. 'If you don't like me, fine, walk away sir Courtenay, I dare you.' I can't get myself to walk away,I feel like there's a burden pushing me down. I don't know what to do, I can't get myself to walk away. He looks me in the eye. 'You kissed me too Cyril. You're still free to go. If you go now I will never bother you again I will tell no one, I will not hold a grudge.' 'No, I won't walk away.' I say. He smiles and closes the door. 'What is your address Cyril we can drop you there.' 'What do you think about a glass of wine at your place first?' he smiles. 'I agree, that's a better idea.'

I sigh as I put on my beautiful pink beige peignoir. I grab a bottle of champagne. The morning sun shines in my face. How am I so wise and stupid at the same. I know Cyril will not love me, I am a replacement for Yves. You need to be both deaf and blind not to see that. I don't care. I won't care. As long as there is someone who gives me love and doesn't use me I'm okay with it. I look in my mirror and loosely braid my hair. I put on blush. I smile at myself. What a beautiful fool. I put on a lilac suit. I like this colour, I should wear it more often. I want to go to the library when the bell rings. I open the door and there stand my parents.

'I didn't expect you, father, mother.' 'We were near, we missed you so we decided to visit you.' my mother says. 'I see sir Polignac, would you like something to drink?' You might think why does he call his father sir? it's normal, I have always called my father sir. 'No thank you son.' We sit down in the living room. 'We wanted to ask you if you'd like to visit our chateau. Just to show some face there.' I sigh. I look at my father. he's the only one in the family I look like. He has short white hair and blue eyes. People say I'm a reflection of my Father I don't take it as a compliment but also not as an insult. My father is a beautiful man. He has a beautiful face with one big scar through his right eye, I'm not sure from what but it makes him look ferocious. His right eye is a bit more green than his left one making it even more interesting. My mom is an beautiful lady but not very different, she has green eyes and black hair. she looks like my sister. My sister is older and still lives in the chateau. 'I'd like to be there. Can I take some friends to show them the chateau?' My father nods. I love my father, he has always taken care of me, he has always been very involved in our lives which is rather stange in this time. But I love him for it. 'I'll be at the chateau when you wish sir.' They invite me to dinner tonight and I agree. Luc will be there too.