To my Dearest Friend

dramatic, bland and tasteless

'I don't know Akiva, perhaps I have done things I regret. Maybe he simply felt trapped here in England, here with me.' Akiva looks at me. 'Do you really believe that or do you want to believe it so it doesn't hurt so much?' I frown. 'can't you shut off you ideas for once and let me be absolutely dramatic' He laughs. I smile. 'Do you always use humour to deflect?' I sigh. 'Come on, you don't have to act like Freud.' Akiva laughs. 'It seems you do use your humour.' 'Of course I do.' I say jokingly. I like Akiva the most when it's just us two. It takes a long time before he opens up to people. But after that you see the joy he experiences about everything in this world, I admire that. It feels refreshing to me. I love akiva, not the same way as I love Cyril of course but he is a big part of my life. We're almost always together, we are like brothers. He has taught me a lot and he learns alot from me. I smile. Tonight is the first time I go to a ball since the accident. Akiva is coming with me. I'm gladhe is. I'm scared I'll do something stupid.

I look at my closet. I don't know what to wear. I decide on normal white tie but I do use the one with a green carnation embroidered on it. I look at myself in the mirror. I look so bland. I sigh, how can I make this stand out more. I look through the whole closet but I find absolutely nothing. I decide to look in the closet in the room my father would sleep in when he was here. I open the closet and I'm really surprised by all the colour inside. I find a beautiful white blouse that's made of silk. It glistens in the light, I put it on. I look in the mirror. I find a reddish purple ascot. I pair it with beautiful dark green pantalon, a green waistcoat with red, pink and purple flowers. I grab a green tailcoat. Why does he have these clothes? I find a corset. It seems to be the perfect colour by all this. It seems very weird. The top isn't on there there. It's only the middle part. I try it on. I look in th mirror, how strange, I've never see seen a corset made for a men, But it does make you look more elegant. So I decide to put in under the waistcoat. A staff member sews  the waistcoat a bit tighter, just so it is perfect for me. I look in the mirror. There's no way I'm bland now. I smile. I walk out of the house, Akiva is already waniting for me. I see the look of surprise on his face, I haven't put on my overcoat yet. You look rather....' 'Stupid?' I ask.  He shakes his head. 'You look beautiful if I may say so.' I smile. 'You may.' I say while putting on my coat and stepping into the carriage.

We arrive at the ball. My sister screams my name. Immediately running towards me. 'Frances!!' I hug her. 'How are you?' I ask. She smiles and I know she is just happy I'm here. 'Have you met Akiva? I ask, she shakes her head. 'I don't think we have.' Akiva says. She smiles. 'Come on in.' Akiva looks impressed by the estate. I get it, it is impressive. I hand my coat to a member of the staff. Frances looks surprised. I smile at her, she doesn't respond. We walk into the ballroom. I instantly see people looking at me, and there are multiple people whispering. I smile, I don't know why I enjoy this. I guess it brings me joy to shock conservatives and especially father. I walk towards my father. Frances put her hand on his shoulder, he turns around. I see his eyes change from joy to anger when he sees what I'm wearing. I smile. 'Thank you for inviting me father.' I say, rather coldly. He smiles, but I see the fire in his eyes. He wants to say something but my mom takes his hand and says: 'We're happy you chosen to come Yves.' 'Thank you mamma. This is Malachi Meier. A friend and a talented doctor.' My parents shake his hand. Eleanor and Enoch suddenly approach us, Enoch hugs me. 'Hey big guy.'I say. 'Where have you been?' He asks. 'Sorry for not sending any letters Enoch. I really should have.' he smiles. 'It's alright.' Eleanor gives me slight nod. She is wearing a surprisingly masculine dress. 'You look beautiful tonight miss Blythe.' I say smiling. Eleanor looks at Frances, Frances smiles back. 'Thank you Marquess Monatageu!' I smile, I wonder if she's mad at me, she never used my title before, or perhaps my father told her to do it, he's obsessed with his ducal title. 'You also look rather ravishing.' she says with a smile. I smirk a bit. 'Would you like to dance miss Blythe?' I ask. 'With a stupidly beautiful face like that I can't say no can I marquess?' I take her hand and lead her to the dancefloor. we start dancing. 'Did you wear this to get a reaction out of your father?' She asks. I look down for a moment. 'Perhaps miss, it shall be a mystery to you' She looks me in the eye. 'I may bepublishing a book Eleanor.' I see her face change, she is envious, I know it was her dream to become a published writer too. 'congratulations' she says. 'How has my sister been doing since I disappeared?' 'She misses you a lot Yves, just like Enoch. You stabalized their lives. It hurt them when you chose for yourself.' I feel tears in my eyes. 'Perhaps you're right, perhaps I am selfish Eleanor.' I look her in the eyes. I see she did not expect that. 'Surprised miss? first person to admit that they have been wrong?' 'No, just first men, first upper class men.' I smile. 'Maybe I am not as bad as you think dear. Sometimes being selfish is the only way to stay alive' I say. 'Who are you calling dear.' She says smirking. 'Well I seem to have made the grave mistake of calling you dear.' I say playfully. She smiles. I am almost certain we both don't feel anything for eachother but there's this playfullness that makes being with eachother and dancing one another bareable. I geuss I just love her knowledge of literature, she is a bright young lady with a lot of potential. " Perhaps we can look into one of your books with a famous lirerairy friend of mine.' I say. Her eyes instantly light up. 'Would you do that for me.' I shake my head. 'I do it for the best friend of my sister. I honestly don't do it for you, I actually do it for her. Never forget how important she is to me.' I look at Frances. 'I would gladly lay down my life for her if I must.'

a little later Akiva's dancing with Frances, I'm talking with my mother when my father walks up to us. 'What are you wearing in God's name.' I smirk. 'Oh father, you should not take the lords name in vain.' 'Stop pestering me you...' He doesn't finish his sentence when I see my mother is looking at him in a specific way. I lift one of my eyebrows 'Father, most of these things I have found in your closet.' His face drops. His eyes quickly shift from me to my mother. 'That doesn't make them acceptable, you look like a.... a' 'Enlighten me father, what do I look like?' 'You look like a girl dressing up to be a boy!!' I feel myself starting to laugh. I cannot hold it in. Some people are looking me at me. 'Well father, what would you want me to look like? a girl who is simply a girls?' 'Yves don't push it.' My mother warns. 'Seriously father, tell me how come you were allowed to look like this and when I wear it it is absolutely ridiculous and tasteless. You are calling yourself ridiculous in a way.' 'Yves. The next time I see you I expect a short haircut and only the ocassional colour in your wardrobe, otherwise you will face concequences. You will conform with my standards even when not living here. If I must I will cut your hair when you don't do it.' 'Father, that is not fair.' I say under my breath. 'Life is not fair.' He whispers back. 'now smile before gossip starts to spread.' he says. I feel my mouth obey him but deep inside I am screaming. Was this a stupid idea? Why did I do this. I do not want to cut my hair, it is and has a has always been my pride and joy. I am feeling so bitter and hateful. Is this the first step into becoming like my father?