To my Dearest Friend

Perception

I wake up, sunlight seeps into my room, disrupting my slumber. I reluctantly stand up, preparing myself for another day of misery and nothingness I look in the mirror, I look like a corpse. I laugh at myself. I grab the bottle of laudanum and hesitate. I put it down again I walk downstairs. One of the maids, Ophelia, has brewed a strong cup of of coffee to start my day. She gives me the newspaper. "You're a total lifesaver Ophelia, thank you for the breakfast." I have not taken a bite when the bell rings. "I'll get it Ophelia." I open the door. There stands my sister, 'Frances!' she steps into the house and I close the door 'What brings you here?' I say while turning around when I feel her hand hit my face. 'Ouch! What was that for?' I ask disgruntled. 'You leave for 'herbal tea' and you don't come back for a day, I thought you were dead Yves! I only knew you were okay because of Ophelia. Seriously if you would've died I would have killed you again!' I chuckle. 'I'm sorry my dear sister. I didn't mean to worry you.' 'well you did' she says angrily. I put my hand on her shoulder. She punches me in my ribs. which hurts a lot more than you might think. Well, it makes sense it's still black and blue and meier says one of my ribs in fractured. Frances looks guilty as I audibly gasp and my eyes flood with tears. 'I'm sorry Yves.' I shake my head. 'It's alright' I manage to say. 'I deserve it' I say. She softly begins to laugh. I laugh with her. We laugh uncontrollably, mostly to ease all the tension and stress. I kiss her forehead. I would always return for you. I whisper. I feel her tears on my shirt. I don't want to acknowledge she's crying, simply because it would embarrass her. 'You are such a bloody Foozler' (for all non-victorians it means clumsy asshole) 'I really am.' I say shortly rocking her back and forth.

'Would you like something to drink?' I ask. She nods and requests water. 'Father isn't too pleased with your sudden disappearing act.' I scoff 'He isn't pleased with much she looks at me with disapproved on her face.' I shrug 'it's simply true, Frances.' 'Don't be so hard on our father, he is only a human, you're not the easiest child to deal with.' I glance at her. 'If you say so.' I say bitterly. 'Dad wants you to travel for the company. He says you'll be more useful there.' 'What?!' She nods. 'I'm not going. Tell him that!' 'Why not? your first client is in Paris.' I feel my breathe stop. 'First you'll meet somebody to see if it's worth investing. After that you'll be allowed to travel to Vienna to have a little holiday to find yourself again.' 'When is this?' 'In about three weeks.' 'Tell him I'll think about it.' she nods. 'You can take somebody with you! Dad would be so grateful. He fully trusts your competence. He thinks he's been too hard on you.' I stand up and laugh. 'Why is he not here to tell me that himself' She doesn't respond. 'I'll think about it Frances. I love you. you're more than welcome to stay here.' She shakes her head. Father is expecting me. 'I love you too brother, take care.'

'WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS?' I'm pacing back and forth through Akiva's study. 'HE JUST THINKS HE CAN PUT ALL HIS WORK ON ME!' Akiva nods. 'And tell me what exactly is your relationship like with your father, normally? I scoff. 'Almost non-existent.' He nods. 'Tell me a little more about it.' 'He's a violent, selfish cowardly man' he nods. 'I can't imagine with those bruises.' 'I never said he hit me.' He looks at me. 'I'm sorry Yves but it is clear. you have a lot of money and you still wanted no doctors. So either sodomy or family violence, you don't have brothers, grandparents, and I'm not saying women are incapable of violence but it was clear you have a resentment towards your father.' I look at him. After a short awkward silence. "Wow, teach me that!' 'What?' 'What you just did?' 'It is simply seeing past the perception.' 'Teach me all you know Akiva, teach me how to not understand this world, teach me how to understand humans and their characteristics.' He smiles. 'It can take a long time.' 'I don't care Akiva, teach me about life, about your God, about your perception of this world.' 'If you teach me yours.' I smile 'we have a deal akiva.' 'I'm glad we have Yves. What is your full name if I might ask?' 'Yves Aubrey benedict Montague.' He laughs. 'Your parents aren't fond of easy names are they.' I laugh and shake my head. He grabs his copy of Gray's anatomy and there we are, on our way to understand more of this universe.