All I Know | Bojan Cvjetićanin

8. Everything Is Going To Shit

Eva's POV

I hadn't planned to come up here when I left the other guys, but with all these racing thoughts I was having, the best place to be right now was on the rooftop terrace. It was one of my favourite places of the house, apart from the studio.

The place allowed for a great view of the surrounding fields, and although there was some light pollution, there was still a great view of the night sky.

I grabbed a bottle of water to sober up a little, that definitely couldn't hurt. I really didn't want to deal with another bad hangover tomorrow. I settled down on the lounge chair and took a deep content sigh as my eyes fixated on the stars shining ever so brightly.

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All of a sudden, I heard the door to the rooftop terrace close behind me, which snapped me out of my thoughts. I had no idea how long exactly I had been up here, but judging by the half empty bottle of water it couldn't have been that long.

I looked back to see what caused the sound and saw Bojan standing by the door. "I noticed the light was turned on here." He said as he walked up to me, his hand resting on the back of the lounge chair. "Everything okay?"

I nodded and scooted over so he could take a seat next to me. "I just needed to clear my head." I said and raised the bottle of water. "And try to prevent a hangover."

Bojan laughed and sat down, his arm finding its way around my shoulder. I didn't think too much of it. We'd been like this since the moment Joker Out got here, and there wasn't exactly much space on the chair. "Smart choice." Bojan mentioned. "How's the clearing your head going?"

"I was doing a pretty solid job until someone decided to disturb me." I said in a teasing tone, glancing up at him with a mischievous smile before scooting a little closer to him. "I'm yet to decide if the disturbance is a welcome one."

"Is that so?" Bojan laughed. God, I loved his laugh. "What do I do to sway your decision in my favour?"

"Nothing special. Just be you." I hummed and shifted my gaze back to the sky. "I love coming up here. I love looking at the sky, seeing all the stars, knowing what else is out there, it really makes me realize that we're just these insignificant beings on this tiny sphere in the universe. But like... it's not a feeling of powerlessness, it's a reminder that all my worries, all my problems, they are nothing but a fleeting moment in the grand sweep of time and space. And suddenly, those burdens feel lighter, more manageable. The world can be a chaotic place. Our lives are filled with stress, deadlines, and never-ending to-do lists. When I'm looking at the stars, there's a profound stillness in the air. It's as if the universe itself is taking a breath, inviting you to do the same, and appreciate all the good things in life."

"I don't think I ever thought about it like that." Bojan murmured as I felt his fingers gently trace the exposed skin of my upper arm. "I can see why you love coming here, it's beautiful."

The two of us quietly looked at the stars together until Bojan spoke up again. "I can't help but think about people who passed when I see the stars. How they're in a better place now, and they're watching over us."

I curiously tilted my head and turned my body, so I was able to properly look at him. Before I could say anything, Bojan continued. "Fortunately, I haven't lost that many people. I still have my grandparents who I visit as much as I can. But for those who aren't with us anymore it's good to know that they're not just gone, but they're somehow still with us, even if it's not tangible." He said, to which I could only nod. "How's the relationship with your family? Since you've mentioned things were rocky back when you quit."

To that question I could only react with a chuckle filled with sarcasm. "Even worse, I'd say. I only see them about once a year, things are civil, but cold. Like we're colleagues instead of parent and child." I said and shook my head at the memory of the last time I saw them.

"Sometimes family isn't the one you're born with, but the one you meet along the way. Lauren's family has been just that for me." I continued, my expression softening at the thought of them. "Lauren's mom was one of the first people I called after I decided to just put a stop to everything. She didn't ask why, she just wanted to know if I was okay. She told me she supported me no matter what, and that there was always a room for me at their place." I said and bit my lip. It was hard not to get emotional thinking back of that time. I was so damn lucky to have them in my life. "I could only cry when she said those things. That's all I needed to hear at that point, and she knew just when to say it."

"She sounds like a wonderful person." Bojan said softly as I felt him entwining our fingers together, his thumb rubbing soothing circles over the back of my hand.

"She really is." I whispered, slowly edging closer to him.

"I've tried to make things better with them, you know. I still care about them. But every time I try it's right back to what could've been. It's like... I'm okay with not being the main character. I can be the side bitch with no issues. But they just aren't willing to understand that."

"Hey, look at me." I heard Bojan say, his free hand now on my chin, guiding my gaze to meet his eyes. "Even if you decide to only do studio work in the future, you're more than a main character in my eyes. Just... Just look at you. You've been bloody nominated for a Grammy Eva. A Grammy. You're the furthest thing from a side character I could think of."

I was just about to reply when I felt Bojan's lips against mine.

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A/N

Little cliffhanger ;)

Jk, I don't do well with those ;) 

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"WHAT?!" I shouted as I pushed Bojan away from me.

Bojan's face was paler than I'd ever seen anyone's face be, his expression was full of shock. "You cannot honestly say that you haven't seen this coming?! I've been flirting with you for days!" Bojan shouted back defensively as he stood up. "Why didn't you ever tell me to fuck off if you've clearly never had any interest in me?"

"Oh, please Bojan." I scoffed and stood up as well. "You're touching everyone all the fucking time! If that's your idea of obviously flirting with someone you really need to step up your game."

"I've known those guys for years! Do you really think I'm like that with every person I've known for a week?" Bojan shouted back at me.

"How should I know?! I've only known you for a week!" I shouted at him. "What do you think would happen, we'll have sex once before you and that stupid band of yours leave and never come back?! Cause that's such a fucking great idea you genius."

"That's it, isn't it?" Bojan said, surprisingly calm. "You've built those walls so damn high that you'll never allow yourself to even explore the possibility to feel anything. What good it is to never be hurt again if you never feel anything at all. You can go write about books you've read and movies you've seen all you want, but all of it is just a big facade. When's the last time you wrote something based on your own feelings? Cause I sure as hell bet you haven't in ages"

"Don't you dare come at me for the way I decide to do my work!" I shouted towards him as I stepped closer, seeing red at this time. My anger was definitely helping to suppress the tears that were just lining up in my eyes. "I'm perfectly capable to write just as things are now." I said, although it sounded more like a groan. "Clearly this one night stand you were hoping to get isn't going to happen, so you can go now."

I saw Bojan ran his hands through his hair, or more like pull on it, as I heard him groan. "Who said anything about a one n... you know what, forget it." He sighed before finally getting out of my sight. The sound of the door slamming shut finally allowed me to collapse back into the lounge chair. Everything is going to shit...