Brunette Bitch (beeduo high school AU)

Peace of mind

ᖶᑘᗷᗷᓍ pov:

Ranboo had asked if I wanted to come with him and his moms to her grave in two days. I felt it would be a little insensitive. I didn't want for me to be a burden on him. It would be rude. I mean, she's never met me! She doesn't even know who "Tubbo" is! I said yes, just because if he needs support or comfort, I'd have to be there. It's my duty, the least I could do after hurting his feelings earlier in class. He said it was fine, but I still feel like he was lying to make me feel better.

It's in two days, so I hope I can figure it out and set my emotions straight. But for now, I'm in my last class, not my favorite because I literally know no one here, but the teacher's okay. So that's that. 

Walking back home was alone, Ranboo had to go home because their moms wanted extra help, so much for home alone time. So here I am. Tommy's driven home today, The rest of the gang don't go the same way as me, and so I walk alone, greeted my Lani and Teegan.

"Tobyyyyyy, we have a party in two days can you drive ussss?" She smiled. Ugh, of course the same day. Well, I need to go with Ranboo, but I can't just say no the my sisters. (i would)

"Uh- what time?" I say hoping it isn't to close.

"Like right after school, the car ride is like a hour, it's out of state, but we have to be there! You know Rina, the girl from elementary who moved away? We were best friends!" 

Shit. I would have to drive back and then pick them up. 

"What time do you come back?" I say slightly hesitating. 

"It's a sleepover, dad will pick us up tomorrow, he can't do it that day there because he has to work overtime."

"Oh, uh sure!" I say not thinking. 

"Okay thank you!!" They smiled happily.

"Yo-you're welcome." I say hesitantly reaching my hand out. I sigh, Fuck, what do I do, what do I do?!?! 

I start getting up the stairs to have a mental breakdown or something, but my dad stops me.

"Toby? Are you okay?" I stop in my tracks. This man has known me for all my life, I can't escape from this.

"Y-yeah! I'm super excited to drive them!" I smiled. Of course a fake one, but it felt kind of nice to smile, even if it wasn't real.

He raised a stern eyebrow. I knew I wasn't getting out of this. I sat on the stairs and looked at him through the handle bars. 

"Can they hear?" I say quietly. He looks a little to the side and shakes his head, saying 'no'.

"Ranboo has a stillborn sister, and in two days it would her 20th birthday. I was invited to her tribute, and I wanted to pay respects." I sigh. "It's at the same time, driving them and driving myself back would take two full hours, and I can't leave school early."

He nods and sighs as well.

"I can't miss this work day. If I get it, I'll get a huge promotion and I'll get a higher paycheck! And you know it's been hard paying for everything. I'm so sorry Toby, I'll try to figure it out for you." 

"N-no I can figure it out!"  I smile. 

"Are you sure?" He asks.

"Y-yup!" 

"O-okay..." He says giving me a comforting smile. I smile back and leave to my room.

"Fuck, fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckkkk," I cry dropping everything and curling into bed. 

"What do I do?!? Why did I say yes?" I shout, hoping no one can hear. 

Everything starts hurting. My body scrunches up instinctively and my sobs start falling harder than before, more more more. Past memories and all my mistakes were haunting me, and their back to beat the shit out of me. My fingers were tingling and I was shivering. I pulled my blankets closer. All I wanted was answers. And someone to hold me. I held my blankets and pillows tight to try and simulate Ranboo. Someone holding me. I miss all our happy times. I miss being with him. I love being with him. And I might mess all of this up.

I hear my phone ringing. Ranboo's calling me. 

He can't see me like this.  My nose is running, My face is all wet with tears, and I'm looking like a hot mess. And only hot because of how close I'm holding my pillows and sheets. It hurts me to do this but I ignore his call. Of course it's followed by a bunch of messages and pings, but I can't be bothered to think about him. I'm already ugly crying, but now, breathing becomes hard and I can barley control my facial expressions. (it smells like someones deep frying donuts outside my room but it's 7 am so i highly doubt that's happening D:)

I really want to talk to Ranboo, for comfort, but I'm at the point where I can't even smile anymore. I'm ugly crying so bad, it's hard to smile at all, So I don't respond. 

I still cry and cuddle closer, imagining Ranboo's here with me gives me some peace of mind.

906 words

hi! this chapter only took me 2 hours to write, which is farrrrrr less time then usual. it usually takes 4-5 hours and i dont think this too bad too!