Brunette Bitch (beeduo high school AU)

I followed thinking aloud without hearing the sound

ranboo pov:

Walking, pacing. 

I was pacing back and fourth, to and fro, trying to think about something other than that horrendous beeping noise, or him. 

Back and fourth.
Back and fourth.
Back and fourth.
Back and fourth.

And suddenly, I never went back. I walked off. But I never seemed to fully grasp that concept. I just kept walking on and on, never stopping, never thinking. Stuck in a state of never ending. 

Fourth,
fourth,
fourth,
fourth.

No backs. Because you can never take something back. You can't be stuck in the past. You have to be constantly in the present. But the present is always becoming the past. From the future, it goes into the present, and just like that, in a second, it's already the past. And it's tiring always trying to be in the moment. Because the cycle never ends.

Future,
Present,
Past.

Repeating times infinity. And people are always asking "Why are you so tired all the time?" It's because society's needs are far too much. You have to do your homework, you have to get a job, you have to pay bills, you have to look pretty! You have to obey people you don't care about. You have to be on time, you have to endure whatever people have to say about you whether mean or nice. You have to be unique, you have to be positive, you have to live up to society's impossible standards, you have to go to college, because if you don't then you're uneducated and a waste. You have to spend money to get what you want. You have to be conventionally pretty, you have to be kind, you have to be smart, brave, cool, friendly. You have to put up with tiring people, incompetent people, people who can't stand not being the center of attention. You have to be all of these all while having 3 tests, and an entire essay due in two days. All the school only gave you a week in advance. And when you finally try your best, your hard work is always brushed off, and told you are "Not doing good enough," and "We're you paying attention in class?" 

And you're always being compared to other people. People who aren't you. You can't compare someone who has multiple tutors, and has a perfectly stable family, to someone who has a broken home, no stable source of income, and only 5 pairs of pants. It's not the same. No one is exactly the same as another, so why are we still comparing? It's dumb, and Useless, and Stupid, and Idiotic. But we still have to prevail, or else "You're not trying you're best," or, "You could be so much better if you just-________." What happened happened. You can't compare what I've done to something that happened in a different timeline. You have to make do with what you have. And you have to help them build up and become the person they can be. That you know they can be.

But no. Reality is, you go to hell for 12 years, putting up with bullying, teachers who understand math, and physics, but not common sense. They give you tasks that are too much, for too little. You put up with depression, thinking you're not good enough, and only for that thought to be backed up by annoying other students, picking at you and whatever you're worth. And when you get out, you're bugged with, "What college are you going to," "What are you going to do for a job?" "Oh, you don't have a job yet? Odd." "You don't want to go to college? Well how are you going to get a good paying job, and get married?" You're never enough, and your wellbeing is based on toxic standards. You're never enough. You get a job, and have to put up with incompetent people. Karens. Annoying people who judge you, even when they're obviously worse than you. People who judge, people who snicker, people who make fun of you. Until you finally get to go home, sleep for less time than recommended, then wake up to do it all over again. You're worked to the bone and barley make enough to finally retire a decade before average. It's tiring, and endless and all we're told to do is, "Chin up, it's not that bad!" 

And people don't understand that people have home issues. Sometimes the place they go after working for far too long isn't much better than their work. They have abusive families, neglectful parents, and terrible cheating partners. And they have to brush that off? It's unfair.

God it's so unfair. There's a million more things I could say about how bad the world we live in is, and it's what occupies my mind. I never think about going back to the hospital to Tubbo, or Tommy. I just keep moving on. Until I'm at the edge of a forest. Wondering if I should go in, or turn back.

964 words

sorry if this a very heavy chapter, but what did you expect? anyways i love ranting about how fucked up the world we live in is! dont you!?!?!

but seriously, i love you guys, so dont let dumb teachers, incompetent bosses, or karens ruin your day. keep on moving forward. just think about the people who are there for you. like me! im always here if you need me:) just remember, you're doing your best and that's enough. you're enough. you may not know me personally, or trust me at all, and i get that, but believe when i say this now. you're beautiful and you dont have to change yourself for the world (unless youre rude than please change that) so keep going, and be yourself. and go do whatever you need to do!:) i love you guys, you're seriously the best