Chapter Thirty-Two
JENNIE
My heart beats like crazy, hearing the nerd I used to love, speak out for literally the first time since she came back into my life. I never know that she's still deeply in love with me, given the fact that she has never expressed it to me clearly since she came back.
The marriage is either about her anger toward me for choosing Mino over her, or the fact that she just wants to make it up or simply wants to hurt me back.
My tears stop falling when she leaves the door. Being with her for not fully two days, I feel ambivalent about that partly because I don't know how to act around her. Should I forget all things she has put me through, and forgive her like that because she still loves me?
I walk outside to see Lisa's back as she is cooking us dinner. So, I ignore my heart that always tells me to walk closer or to give her warmth of love or affection. Something inside me tries to voice out that she deserves it. She deserves my love.
But, how about Mino?
Does he deserve to be abandoned like this when he always supports me no matter what?
I sigh.
I am in a dilemma now. Hopefully, I would get out of this soon enough, and one day, I would choose the right decision whether to leave or to stay.
Suddenly, Lisa turns to look at me. She smiles a bit, but doesn't say another word. Part of me wants her to tell me more about herself. To explain herself. To justify herself. That I was wrong the whole time, thinking that she is just selfish when she left me to pursue her dream.
There is nothing wrong with that, of course, and I would totally support her completely. The thing is she doesn't trust me enough to tell me the truth.
Now, I want her to tell me more. That she had more reasons than just 'I am not enough for you, so I left' kind of reason.
Because I can't accept it.
It's not enough.
Her face is calm and serious, not the perverted and mischievous like at the mall anymore. Sometimes, I wonder which one of her that is really her. She changes a lot. Everything about her, including her mood.
"I cook us dinner." She frowns, maybe having seen me spacing out like an idiot I am.
I shake it off before answering her as calmly as I can be. "I don't eat tonight."
"Okay." She turns to the table, preparing one plate for herself.
That's it.
Just okay?
Not the possessive type of Lisa, anymore.
I grab my purse as I turn to leave but not before I have to say something I should not have said. "I have a date. Don't wait for me..." As soon as it slips out of my mouth, I know it sounds wrong, so I hurry to explain. "I have a date with-"
"You don't have to explain. Just go. Have a nice date," She says, leaving me standing there as she slams the door of the bedroom shut. A little louder than I have expected, I might add.
See, she doesn't even wait for me to tell her that I am actually going out with Rosé and Jisoo. She just assumed that my date would be Mino. Always with Mino. What makes her think like that to me?
Even if I don't love her anymore, I am not that gross to hang out with Mino all the time because we were couple before. I have broken up with him already even though I have never told her this because Mino still hopes that we would get back together, and telling Lisa about that would make her feel prouder and more hopeful than she already is.
