Era of Ezri

Tough pill to swallow

August

The table edge had shown me no mercy as I recalled the pain I'd felt from hitting my head against the blunt but square edge that had knocked me unconscious.

I remembered feeling the aftershocks of an earthquake that shook Offrost yesterday and struggled to maintain my footing in my minimalist kitchen which left me nothing to hold onto.

While trying to keep my balance, a white light penetrated my sight, leaving me blind, and my unnecessary panic caused me to trip and fall towards my kitchen table.

I lifted my body upright and rested my back against the grey wall.

Not to my surprise, I could feel a headache brewing in the spot where a large knot was beginning to form, I couldn't help but groan as the pain descended to my eyes and temple.

I shut my eyes to try and relieve the ache but instead of finding a black void, I was graced with the image of an angel. A beautiful being with brown skin to compliment her black curls and full lips, her appearance embodied elegance and her face radiated a soft glow that was every bit enchanting.

I had the desperate need to reach out and run my fingers through those precious curls, no doubt that her hair would be just as soft and delicate as silk.

Even those eyes, although they were nothing far from sky blue, they captivated my very being and awakened something inside of me I hadn't felt in forever, a sense of belonging.

It was no secret I was an outcast. In this faction, nobody's appearance resembled my own, so when I'd first arrived as an orphan, I was aware blending in would be impossible.

Fortunately, I crossed paths with Haku's family who were indifferent to my looks, adopting me and allowing me to be part of something I would've been deprived of if they hadn't.

Despite having Blaze as a brother, it was hard to overlook the way the faction blatantly rejected me and often went out of their way to exclude me. Although I'd grown accustomed to being the odd one out, I still knew some part of me desperately craved to be wanted.

Of course, I never imagined there would ever be a day when people weren't horrified or shocked by my ghostly exterior.

I sighed, this bump wouldn't get any better without me treating it, the only problem was that the first aid kit was in a room I detested.

I dragged myself off the floor and approached the bathroom with anxiety in each step. As I reached the door with the curved golden handle, my hand shook but I pressed down and pushed anyway.

With a hardly audible creak, the door slowly swung open to reveal a sleek, pristine marble bathroom.

With urgency, I rushed into the room and went straight for the medical cupboard adjacent to the mirror, determined to be out of this room before I lost my composure.

I opened the cupboard door and hurriedly began sifting through bottles of anxiety and depression medication but couldn't find the balm I was looking for.

In my haste, my sleeve caught on a bottle sitting on one of the top shelves and like dominoes, every item next to it tumbled out of the cupboard and to the floor.

My movements became manic as I scrambled to pick up each item and place it back in its rightful place without looking towards the reflective surface I'd been trying so hard to avoid all these years but my effort was in vain.

As soon as my eyes caught a glimpse of my own reflection, my mind began to spiral.

Although the bathroom mirror hanging on the wall was coated in a layer of dust, I could still see a stranger staring back at me, it had been a long time since I'd confronted my own physicality.

I'd stopped using this mirror a long time ago and began using the small pocket mirror I owned instead, this way I could only see a small portion of my face at any one time, making it easier to cope with the shame I felt whenever I saw myself.

Instantly, I averted my gaze, relieved to no longer be face-to-face with my reflection.

But, a sense of embarrassment washed over me, I'd looked this way my whole life and found myself questioning how a man such as me had come to cower from his reflection.

My heart started to pound and my breaths became shallow in anticipation of the decision I was about to make. With a sense of determination, I looked back at the mirror, back at the creature that was me.

Trigger warning: Self-harm

I struggled to keep myself upright as tears formed in the corners of my eyes from the sheer disgust that overcame me.

I gulped, feeling as though someone was covering my airways with a thick fabric as the silence that once held the bathroom captive was replaced with the sound of my ragged breaths as my body quivered in distress.

Resting my hands on the sink, I stared at myself with repulsion, letting the tears finally fall as I cried out loud, there was no point in pretending I wasn't ashamed.

I hadn't accepted myself and couldn't envision a world that accepted me either.

I began to pinch and claw at the skin on my arms and neck in frustration, hating that I'd been born so freakishly different. I hated what I was and there was nothing I could do to change that.

Once blood had been drawn and my skin was coated in long red scratches and shallow cuts, I gave up my assault. It's funny, despite red being a sign of injury and pain, I preferred my skin this way, the colour was as close to normal as it would ever be.

Author's note

Finally got this one finished!

And if I've got Ezri's eye colour wrong, forgive me, I can't remember right now 😊😄.

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-Y