Devil's House

An Uneasy Morning

When Chester opened his eyes late the next morning, he was still feeling despondent. The day before was a bit of a blur. He'd spent most of it fighting off jetlag and a headache - something even his short nap after the group argument over Punk Rock Dicks hadn't cured. The day, which was supposed to be a happy reunion with his husband, had dragged by as they managed to get Chester's suitcases unpacked and laundry done in between Ryan and Jason's turns with the washer and dryer.

Now it was Sunday, and that meant it was another free day before Chester needed to go back to work tomorrow. Usually the weekends were a welcomed break. It was time to be at home. Time to spend with Mike, catching up with each other from their limited time during the busy weeks. It was swimming in the pool and eating out on the back patio. It meant playing with Julien and taking Cheese on walks at the beach. And most of all, it meant date nights with Mike. The weekend usually encompassed most of their sexual activities. It was their time together when they could stay up late or disappear in the middle of the day to consume each other.

But Chester didn't feel like being consumed. At the moment, he didn't even want to be touched. He shut his eyes as he took a deep breath. He wasn't sure what time it was, but their room was already coming to life with light, and that meant Cheese would need to go out soon, and Chester was actually okay with having an excuse to get up. Mike was pressed up against him, his arm slung across Chester's hip, his hand lazily hanging close to Chester's crotch.

Any other morning, Chester would be prone to encourage the sleepy touch to his normally naked body. But this morning, he was thankful he'd left his pajamas on last night. It wasn't a matter of not missing his husband, but the inability to get his inner kittens lined up enough to make anything sexual happen. Even affection he was used to giving and receiving with Mike - deep kisses, smacks to both their asses, touches to nipples and stomachs and legs - it was all a little too much, and Chester didn't want to be a tease when he knew those things wouldn't lead anywhere. At least not yet.

I just need to get over it, he grumbled to himself, though it was half hearted. We need to talk about it more, but I don't really fucking want to, he decided with a yawn and a small shift as he stretched one leg further away from Mike's. This wasn't the first time Chester had found himself in a place of not wanting to give or receive any kind of touch or affection to or from his husband, but this time he knew it had nothing to do with his meds. This was all in his head - in his emotions - and that felt even harder to control.

I don't want to hurt him, Chester thought as he debated if he could slink out of bed without Mike waking up. And I know I am. Why can't I let this go? So he watched an old YRS video...

Chester frowned with a shiver the moment that thought skipped across his mind and with it all the memories from Punk Rock Dicks both before and after it was filmed. Memories from years ago when he was still so young and scared of Mark Wakefield while he was surviving the weeks thanks to Ryan's love and friendship. And memories from the not so distant past when so much was uncovered and dug up because Punk Rock Dicks had resurfaced back into his life from out of nowhere like an unwanted ghost. It was hard to think about how that same video was used in his place while he was in New York, broken and trying to once again make his boss proud.

It was heavy, and Chester wasn't sure what the right words were to describe how he was feeling to Mike. It was defeating, especially since it wasn't just about the video. It wasn't just about his husband watching something so personal to him without his presence or his consent. Mike hadn't just gotten off to Charlie Bang that night instead of him. Mike had taken it a step further with his backlash at Jason. That had been its own kind of disturbing, and Chester was still trying to figure out how he felt about some of his husband's comments towards Jason, who as far as Chester could tell, had been uneasy and regretful about how things went - two things Mike hadn't shown. Two things Chester wasn't sure Mike would have been if Jason hadn't had a change of heart about things the next morning.