Marvel (MCU only) Stories

Never Disturb A Sleeping Hawk

Summary:

Pietro decides to dump a bucket of water on Clint while he is sleeping. It does not go well. 

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After an extended mission, Clint couldn't make it back to his room before he passed out on the common room couch.

Pietro, being the little shit he was, chose that moment to pull a prank. As a form of team bonding, the Avengers often issued Prank Wars. Everyone recognized and agreed that
no place (other than missions), and nothing was off limits regarding the Wars.

Despite no definitive rules, most of the team followed unspoken rules. For example, no bothering people currently in the shower- switching out products before a shower or blasting a freshly clean person with baby powder and glitter, however, were free game- and sleeping people are off limits. Already, the team barely got a decent amount of sleep. Nobody
wanted their sleep interrupted so they didn't mess with someone else's.

That day, Pietro chose death.

Tony and Steve watched from the kitchen as Pietro crept up behind Clint's couch. He cradled a bucket of ice water in his arms.

'He's dead.' Natasha thought.

Wanda hid behind the snack bar, prepared to temporarily remove her brother's powers as soon as he woke Clint. Pietro's last prank covered Wanda's entire room in baby doll heads, knowing they petrified her. She was thirsty for revenge.

Pietro wickedly smirked before he emptied the bucket on Clint's face and chest. Clint flailed and toppled off the couch. He turned to the cackling Avengers with a glare.

"What, you didn't see that coming?" Pietro asked.

Without a word, Clint grabbed his bow and quiver from where he dropped them on the floor. Pietro zoomed out of the room.

Wanda released her magic in a flood. She couldn't see it but was sure Pietro face planted when his speed suddenly cut out.

Clad in a sopping wet pair of Steve's sweatpants and one of Bruce's sleep shirts, Clint gave chase. Too lazy to do his laundry, Clint was a notorious clothing thief.

He took the elevator down to the ground floor. He didn't know where Pietro had gotten off to, but he was confident he could find the fucker if he started from the bottom and combed every inch of the tower. Pietro may be fast, but Clint was a motherfucking super spy.

The interns and other staff were startled when Clint sprinted into the lobby swinging his nocked bow around.

"Kid, where are you?" he yelled.

A blue flash ran by Clint. "I'm over here, old man."

Clint drew his bowstring back, prepared to take a shot.

Pietro's eyes widened in fear and surprise when he ran at the rate of an untrained human instead of his usual super speed. "Damn it, Wanda. Make up your damn mind. You had just given me my powers back."

Emboldened by the lack of running, Clint stalked closer. He unleashes his arrow. It hit true. Pietro was flung backward by the force of an explosion of glitter, which covered everyone in a five-foot radius.

"Shit, old man. That hurt. I thought you might actually shoot me." Pietro attempted to wipe the rainbow glitter from his hair and off his face.

"Believe me, I've thought about it," Clint snarked.

Pietro gave up on removing the glitter from his body. He stripped off his preferred skin-tight shirt, ignoring the crowd's swoons, and used it to scrub his hands and face. "Look at what you did." He gestures to a large mark on his abdomen.

Clint shrugged, not the least bit apologetic. "That's what you get for dumping water on me while I was sleeping."

"My bad. I thought you looked a little parched." Pietro felt his powers unleashed from Wanda's control. He knocked Clint to the floor as he sped past. "You didn't see that coming?" he asked again. "Thanks for giving my powers back," he whispered, knowing Wanda would understand the gratitude without hearing it.

Clint scooped Pietro's abandoned shirt up as he chased him once more. People dove out of the way as HawkEye chased a shirtless Quicksilver through the tower. Not a single person was confused about what was happening. Anyone who works in the building eventually got used to unusual or chaotic events at all times of the day or night.

The last tower-wide event was the week before when the Winter Soldier chased the Falcon because he stole his arm (the metal one, not his real one.) Captain America chased the Winter Soldier to stop him from murdering the Falcon. Last, was Iron Man chasing the commotion, trying to video it all.

Clint unleashed a volley of arrows in the last direction he caught Pietro heading. All but two hit their mark.

Pietro retreated to the common room, hoping he would get a moment of reprieve before Clint caught up.

No such luck. Clint took the time to tuck Pietro's shirt among his leftover arrows before joining the others in the common room.

"Where's your shirt?" Wanda asked, unamused to see her brother in an undressed state.

"I gave it to a couple of crazy fan girl interns in the lobby," Clint lied, trying to get even with Pietro. Clint knew the fans would mob Pietro if he returned to the lobby with his abs on display.

"That's one of my favorite shirts," Pietro panicked. He sped off to retrieve his clothing.

Wanda expectantly held her hand out at Clint. He reluctantly fished Pietro's shirt out of his quiver and handed it over. "The brat will learn to leave me alone," he huffed.

He left the room to change; this time, he chose one of his shirts and stole Bucky's sweatpants. Bucky sleepily watched as Clint walked into his room, opened his dresser, snatched a pair of pants, and left. He shrugged, unbothered. It was well-known that anything not under lock and key was subject to theft from the archer. Not even Peter, at fifteen years old, was not exempt from thievery- Clint had stolen his socks on more than one occasion. Peter took to keeping his socks, which he was dearly attached to, locked in a box in a hidden part of his room, with the key on a chain around his neck.

Clint reclaimed his space on the couch, avoiding the wet patch from Pietro's prank. He started planning his revenge. Rabid fangirls were nowhere near enough payback for Clint.

...

"CLINT!" Pietro roared.

He stormed out of his room covered in Elmer's Glue and purple glitter (Clint had to add his signature color to the mix).

Clint poked his head out of the vent that led from Pietro's room. He smirked. He held the bucket formally full of glitter close to his chest while the bucket that had the glue sat beside him in the vent.

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Words: 1,116

Published: 9/6/23

Also posted on AO3 (Jasper_Raid)