Hollow

Chapter 6

I was so angry at Timmy that I walked away to god knows where. How could he be so rude? All he cares about is himself... maybe he doesn't get how grief works, neither do I, but I started to get used to the stages.

Miss Torelo told me the stages I may have, and It's been five months and I still can't accept the fact that she is gone. I miss her stroking my hair, yelling at me when I do something wrong, I miss us making fun of black and white movies, or snuggling on the couch until I fell asleep. I miss her accent, I miss her weird quotes that I never understood, I miss helping her in the garden, I miss the times when she got mad when Timmy kept coming with his muddy boots in the house, I miss her cooking... I just miss everything. But, she's not here to see that.

One thing that Ma'am taught me that I never believed was heaven and hell. I don't think it is possible to go to one of the two different dimensions based on behavior and character. I believe in god, but I do not believe in the afterlife. I do not believe in ghosts or spirits. I just think if you die, you just..die. That's what makes it so sad. You can't have any more experiences anymore. Everything is just over. No memories. As soon as you close your eyes, everything just stops.. Life is over. Your time of having life is up.

But, I think Ma'am deserved way more of a lifetime than she got. She deserved to watch me grow up, and she deserved to live until she couldn't do anything anymore, she deserved to travel way more than she had. Even though I hate to say this, she deserved to see her son again. Not for my sake, for her's.

"Reunite"

"reunite"

And I still hear them till this day. I now have a phobia of being alone. I never shut the bathroom door l the way. It's like, everytime I am alone I hear the same thing, the same voices.

I can't sleep in the dark living room at night. I can't sleep next to Timmy because I know he can't protect me. I only sleep next to Mrs. Torelo because I feel safe, because I know she could.. I don't know. I just feel more safe with an adult.

Timmy thinks I sleep in the living room because I pretend to fall asleep in the living room at night. I am very sleepy during the day. But I don't want it to seem like I am taking his mom away from him, I don't want him to think it's weird with a teenage girl sleeping next to his mom. He doesn't understand. He's just a kid, how could he?

As I watched movies when I was younger, I always wondered what it was like to have a mom and a dad. It's like I have been living in the early 19th century. Ma'am taught me oldschool. I had never seen a touchscreen phone because of where we live. Next to nothing. The market in the street was only like grocery stores. And Ma'am only said I could watch cartoons, and only cartoons. I have never seen a movie or show with real actors and actresses.

I have only been to a grocery store once. But Ma'am quickly took me out.

It's like I was in the movie, Tangled, where I was sheltered for years, just minus the evil mom and the boy and the lost princess part. Ma'am never let me see a "kissing scene" before. I only know the kisses where Ma'am kisses my forehead, or my cheek. Before you ask, no she did not show me the part where Rapunzel and Flynn kiss after he cuts her hair.

I tried to sneak in and see it but, the house is small and the living room has the only T.V. Not to mention Ma'am was on her rocking chair like 98% of the day. In the LIVING ROOM.

Ma'am always told me,

"you know what to do if I die" '

even though she taught me. I really do not know what to do anymore. She is not here to guide me, and even if Miss. Torelo is helpful, She doesn't know what Ma'am taught me.

Sooner or later I may have to leave, I have known Miss Torelo my whole life but I know it won't last long. She didn't sign up for this and I don't have any money to give her. I can't keep making her spend money on me, its not fair.

She said she will do anything for me and I am like her daughter. She doesn't want me to leave her and go to my parents.

I guess Mrs. Torelo is like a mom to me... is she?