Hollow

Chapter 32

Last day. Today was the last day in Greenville. The last day sleeping on the couch in Miss Toledo's small home. We all actually slept on the couch because it is the only thing we are leaving behind.

We all were not going to be at home though, each of us had some things to clear up on before we left.

Miss Toledo had to say goodbye to some work friends- and transfer some things, Timmy had to go say goodbye to Suzanne and spend his last day exploring the things he never got to explore, and me.. Well I'm going to attempt to remember everything and leave it behind, overall.. I was going to end my grief, once and for all.

I decided to visit the house where it all started, where my life started. Ma'ams house was now empty with mice now living in it, and spider webs floating all over. This dirt and ugliness in there didn't scare me, it was the memories.

As I stepped on the floor, it creaked. Bit by bit the small steps I took made the loudest noises.

I started all the way in the backyard. I looked at it. The backyard wasn't the best looking, there was holes in some places where Timmy would try to find worms, and.. The garden.. It was all messed up.

I started to remember how me and Ma'am would garden.. It was so fun for us. It was our thing. The last time I was there was when I was making soup for dinner... Timmy asked if I wanted to come for dinner.. And I said no.

I looked at the shed, where I created my little corner, years ago I put up a little sign on the shed that said "Hollows Hangout" I would put a bunch of pillows and blankets in there, it was so dirty, and the entire time you would be in there the only thing you would be inhaling, was dust. So I always had to leave the door open. I remember Ma'am making cookies and bringing them out to me and Timmy to eat. She also brought out chips and dip.

I then made my way inside, where the bathroom was right next door to the back. I went inside, the mirror was cracked, with glass that was shattered on the floor, I was scared to look inside the tub because I thought I was going to see rats or something unpleasant. The bathroom reminded me on when Ma'am used to brush my hair and remind me how beautiful I was. It reminded me on when I was learning how to do my own hair because Ma'am would always make my hair look ugly.

I chuckled, thinking back at that.

I walked into the next room, Ma'ams room. It was empty but I can remember where everything was. Her huge king-sized bed would be taking up the most space in here, there's not much to remember in here, Ma'am wouldn't be in here much. But, I remember where I would check if she would be asleep and I would sneak into the kitchen to eat sweets, or sometimes I would attempt to find a show with a kissing scene on TV to watch.

Then.. go up a bit down the hall turn left, and there you will find the kitchen. Ma'am was always here cooking something new. I loved the kitchen. It always smelled like nice gravy with roasted chicken. It smells better than it sounds. Every morning, Every evening, and every night this kitchen had a new scent. I looked towards the countertops, where I would sneak up on the counters and get a snack I wasn't allowed to eat at night, I remember the time I fell off of it, and Ma'am got up to wrap my hand in the middle of the night. "Clumsy fool!" she used to call me, or "Sneaky fool!"

Oh.. the small table. I think they forgot to take this out of the house... its still here. I looked at the small table where me and Ma'am would sit and talk, the last time we both sat there was when Ma'am told me that lie on why Lonnie was never around, its when i first found out his name. I remember myself just storming out of the kitchen, I tried following my past actions and then that lead me to my room.

Oh... my room. It was my favorite place ever. I haven't had a room to myself since Ma'am was alive. I have been sleeping on a couch for seven months. I miss my room. I miss crying under the covers, and waiting for Ma'am to come to cheer me up and lay next to me. She made me feel the safest, she made everything okay again. I turned, my window reminded me of Timmy, the last time he snuck through my window was when I yelled at him for talking about his dumb rats. I looked where my mirror used to be, I used to use that mirror a lot, if it was either to examine myself or to see how much bumps would be on my face.

I looked out my door, where Ma'am called the last time, where she bribed me with chicken alfredo to come down and eat with her.

Then I made it to the living room, the rocking chair.. Thats where it all ended, this is where the last memories were. I examined the flower curtains that were still left on the dusty wall. Before i could think about the only thing I really wanted to think about, I thought about the time where Ma'am showed me her scrapbook with her and her husband, where I seen how nice she used to look. That was the last time we cuddled with each other. Then, the dark moment. Where i found her, where the empty feeling began, where I was traumatized for the first time, where I screamed the loudest, where the voices began floating around my head. When they said "Do it, do it, do it." I think that I was so upset that my mind wanted me to finish the rest of the pill bottle that Ma'am killed herself with. They didn't come back this time.

I looked back at this small, once cozy home. Me and Ma'am's home...

It's sad. I was used to seeing it out of Miss Toledo's window, and now this would be my last time seeing it. It was like I could see it exactly where it was, small with the sun always shining through the silk curtains, the birds chirping and the black cat who would always be lurking outside our house. Music would always be playing on the radio and ma'am would always be cleaning, I would always be watching T.V on the couch. I miss how things were. I'll admit. I really miss it. I was happy, and even if I felt some other things, I still miss the way I used to feel.

Maybe I do still really love Ma'am. Its something about her, something about her that I love. She gave me love that I never felt other than Lonnie. In the living room, I imagined us snuggling on the couch, gazed at the kitchen where I imagined us talking, looked at her room door, where I seen myself tiptoeing to the kitchen, the backyard where I seen us gardening, my room where we snuggled in my bed.

A tear ran down my cheek. I started crying. A lot. I was also happy I was letting everything out. A couple minutes passed and the last couple of tears were escaping my eye.

The last thing I can see is Ma'am. She's holding a flower basket she's smiling at me. Even though I should be mad at her, I waved goodbye. I could see her waving her hand too.

I made my way to the front of the house, took one last look at her.. And I shut the door.