If This Isn't Love

5: DECEMBER 2015 - Longing

Dinner had gone great. Seokjin drew out the conversation before asking for the check because he didn't want the evening to end. He still hoped that Luisa would spend more time with him.

God, she looked amazing! She didn't seem as closed off as before. Back in school, she was always the quiet one, always the one looking around the group and seeming to find fault with everyone. She had a habit of scrunching her lips like a little kid when there was something or someone she didn't like. He recalled seeing that expression once or twice when he spoke or made a joke. No one else seemed to have noticed, but he remembered. He kept his eyes on her face the entire evening on the lookout for that little pout of disapproval and was happy that he hadn't seen it. Yet.

"So, have you ever thought about going back to your hometown?" he asked as he swirled the wine in his glass.

She put her wine glass down. "I have, actually. My parents ask me weekly about moving back home. I know that teachers are needed, but I'm actually thinking of applying for graduate school. Study while I continue to work."

"Well, that's great," he said. "A master's in education?" He wanted to ask if there was a special someone, and if that was another reason she hadn't left, but he didn't want to sound desperate. She'd never called him back after that wonderful night, so he had to accept that there was nothing there.

"Educational leadership," she replied. "If and when I do move back home, I want to apply for an administrative position, a place from which I can enact real change in the education of the community. South Texas has always lagged behind the rest of the state when it comes to education, and I'd like to change that."

He realized he was staring at her while she waited for his input to their conversation and blinked rapidly. "Oh, wow. I definitely think that you will. You're one of the smartest, most dedicated women I know, Lu. And you have incredible determination. If that's what you've decided to do, then I know it will happen." He busied himself with his wine glass, feeling self-conscious after that gush of words. He glanced at her briefly to check for that disapproving pout, but all he saw was a smile.

"Kim Seokjin," she whispered. "I never knew you could compliment a girl on anything other than her face or figure."

"Hey!"

"Sorry. I meant to say, thank you. That came out all wrong."

He leaned his elbow on the table and rested his chin on his hand. "I could compliment you in other ways if you'd like." He admired the way her large brown eyes sparkled in the dim lighting of the restaurant. "More wine?"

She pressed her lips together. "I really shouldn't. I've had too much already."

"No, you haven't," he said, "but if you have, even better." He sent her his best, heart-stopping I-can't-wait-to-get-you-home grin. "I still have that bottle of wine in my hotel room."

She looked down for a moment. "Seokjin, we said only dinner."

"You said only dinner."

"You, uh, said scout's honor," she stuttered. She seemed flustered.

"I was never a scout." He reached across the table and held her hand. "All right. Let's show our cards. Lu, why didn't you ever call me?"

She tried once to pull her hand back then stopped. "Was I supposed to?"

He rubbed circles on the back of her hand with his thumb. He felt the little shiver that ran through her and smiled inwardly. "I didn't want to pressure you, so I told you to call me whenever you wanted. I didn't want to impose myself on you."

"What about now?" Her voice sounded breathless. Enticing.

He straightened up in his chair, still not letting go of her hand. "Am I imposing?" When she didn't answer, he smiled. "I know it was some time ago, but I have to be honest with you: I still think about you, about that night."

"You do?"

"Don't seem so surprised."

She looked down. "I just...I thought you'd have moved through several women in the last six months."

"Seven."

Her head snapped back up. "Seven women?"

He exhaled with a chuckle. "Seven months, you dork."

"Oh, you counted?" She flashed a brief, nervous smile.

"I'm still counting." He squeezed her hand. "And I'm still waiting." She gave his hand the slightest of squeezes, and his heart beat an irregular tattoo inside his chest. He was sure she could tell how he felt even if he wasn't too sure himself.

She took a deep breath. "Seokjin, I—" she began, but her phone rang. She gave a little jump and extricated her hand from his. "Um, just a minute," she said as she fished around her purse. She pulled the phone out and glanced at it.

He saw that she was deciding whether to answer or not. She finally muted it and stuffed it back into her purse. When she looked at him, her demeanor had changed. Whereas just a minute before her eyes were sparkling with possibility, now they were opaque with reservation.

He sighed. "Boyfriend?"

She shook her head. "No. Not exactly. It's still early."

He felt a cold pang in his chest, but he masked it with a smile. "Well, I hope things work out well for you, Lu. I hope he's good to you."

She stared at him, her large brown eyes searching his own. Then she nodded with a sigh.

He downed the last of his wine and signaled the waiter. Seven months and counting.