If This Isn't Love

65: APRIL 2023: All Good Things...

Luisa fought to suppress the rising panic as she attempted to reach Seokjin for the tenth time. He hadn't answered his phone yet again, and despite leaving numerous messages, there was still no response. It was now one in the morning, and her worry deepened with each unanswered ring.

She had called Yoongi to check if they were still out together, but he informed her that Seokjin was the first to leave around ten. That was three hours ago. After that, she'd tried his office, but there was no answer there either. She even called his secretary's mobile, only to learn that everyone had left the office by eight.

Desperate to maintain some sense of normalcy, Luisa pretended she had simply forgotten what Seokjin had told her and ended the call before his sleepy secretary could sense her unease.

The next thirty minutes crawled by, each tick of the clock amplifying her worry. What if he'd been in an accident? The thought sent her heart racing. In a surge of anxiety, she began searching for the numbers of local hospitals, but just as she started to dial the first one, the sound of a key turning in the lock broke through her thoughts.

Seokjin stepped inside, visibly surprised to find all the lights blazing.

"Oh my God, Jin!" Luisa rushed towards him, enveloping him in a tight embrace. "I was so scared! I was about to call the hospitals—no one knew where you were! Are you okay?" She pulled back slightly, searching his face for reassurance.

But the somber expression on Seokjin's face sent a chill through her.

"Is something wrong?" she whispered, anxiety lacing her voice.

"Probably," he replied flatly, brushing past her, his keys clattering onto a table as his long strides carried him into the bedroom.

Luisa hurried after him, her heart racing. "Jin?" She gasped as he emerged from the closet, a suitcase in hand. "What's going on?"

He placed the suitcase on the bed, his gaze fixed downward. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just pack my things and leave."

For a moment, she blinked in disbelief, struggling to comprehend his words. "Leave? Where are you going? Has something happened?"

He looked up, staring at the ceiling as he let out a heavy sigh. "Luisa, I was honest with you about Youngsoon four years ago, yet you couldn't be truthful with me about what happened with Charlie four months ago."

Panic surged in her chest. "What...what do you mean? You said you didn't want to know."

"Lu!" he snapped, his eyes locking onto hers. "I didn't want the graphic details of your affair! But you should have told me that he got you pregnant!"

Luisa's eyes widened in shock. "What? How...?"

He cut her off with a dismissive wave of his hand. "It doesn't matter how I found out. The pregnancy scare. You let me believe it was mine. You never told me that it could have been Charlie's, that it most likely was Charlie's. Why? Why would you lie to me?"

Her throat felt parched, and she struggled to find her voice. "W-Wait. I didn't know. I mean, I couldn't be certain. It could have been Charlie's, but it might have been yours." She brought her hands to her face, overwhelmed. "I don't know."

"You should have told me." His voice was low, lacking any trace of emotion.

Desperation flooded her as she reached for him, gripping his arms tightly. "Jin, I wasn't trying to deceive you! I just wasn't sure. I know I should have shared my doubts—I do! But when it turned out to be a false alarm, I thought it was best to just put it behind us."

He shook her hands away, letting out a bitter laugh. "Yeah, put it behind us. And let poor, foolish Seokjin remain oblivious while his wife nearly brought another man's child into their home, pretending it was his." Anger surged as he flipped the suitcase open. "That's what's tearing me apart, Luisa. You would have kept lying to me if I hadn't found out. If it weren't for this false alarm, I'd be over the moon, thinking you were carrying my child." He spun around to glare at her. "My child! You can't just toy with a man's emotions like this. What about...Charlie?"

"What about him?" she replied, her eyes brimming with unshed tears.

"You would have kept his child from him?" Seokjin asked incredulously. "I'm no fan of his, but no man deserves to be treated this way. It's bad enough you'd pass off a baby as mine, but you'd deny Charlie the chance to be a father. Did you ever think about that?" He pressed his lips together, struggling to contain the tears that threatened to spill.

Overwhelmed by emotion, Luisa began to sob, her body shaking as she wrapped her arms around herself in a futile attempt to contain her pain. "That...that was never my...intention. Please, you have to...believe me," she choked out between sobs. "Please don't go. Don't leave."

He turned away, marching back into the closet. Moments later, he emerged with an armful of clothes. Without meeting her gaze, he began folding and stuffing the items into the suitcase.

Desperation surged through her as she grasped his arm, trying to halt his movements. "Please, Jin! Don't! We have to talk! You can't just leave!"

"Don't you think it's a little late for that?" he replied, his tone flat. Still, he didn't pull his arm from her grasp, standing there, his chest rising and falling with deep, shaky breaths.

She clasped his arm with both hands, her voice trembling. "You can't seriously be leaving. We can work this out. I never meant to hurt you. I'm so sorry it's come to this, but I know we can fix it. I love you."

"You lied to me, Luisa," he replied, his gaze fixed on the floor. "After we had sex at the hotel, you made me feel like shit, accusing me of cheating on my wife. You even accused me of hitting on the receptionist just to find your room. You forced me to relive that moment with Youngsoon, and then made me feel guilty for it. For eight long years, all I've ever wanted was for you to love me. I've loved you, desired you, yearned for you. And after all this time and all the hardships, you still don't trust me." In that moment, he finally met her gaze. "If you can't trust me, how can you truly love me?"

She could see the hurt in his eyes, glistening with unshed tears, and it hit her with stark clarity: she had misjudged everything, and she might be about to lose him forever.

After a few heavy moments, Seokjin gently pulled away from her grip. "I... I need to go. I need space."

"No! Don't leave! Please, Jin!" she cried, wrapping her arms around him again. "I'm so sorry. Let's talk in the morning after you've rested. Just don't leave me like this. Stay, please." She rose onto her toes, reaching up to kiss him.

Seokjin felt the familiar pull of desire surge through him, but he fought against it, determined not to yield to his passions this time. When her hands began to tug at his shirt, he seized her wrists, steady yet firm.

"No," he said, his voice resolute. "Don't do this."

"I'll do anything you want," she pleaded, tears streaming down her face. In a desperate gesture, she slipped her nightgown over her head, standing before him in nothing but her panties. "I can give you a reason to stay. Please, don't go."

He swallowed hard, shaking his head. "No. This isn't what I want. Why do you insist on trivializing my love for you? You think sex will remedy my pain? You're only amplifying my doubts, Luisa. If you believe our relationship hinges on this, then maybe you should be glad to see me go."

"No," she sobbed into her hands.

He turned away, moving to the chest of drawers, hastily tossing items into his suitcase, ignoring her silent plea as she stood vulnerable and distraught in the center of the room.

He picked up her nightgown and handed it back to her, then grabbed his suitcase and left the bedroom. As he trudged toward his car, the weight of his tears blurred his vision, each step feeling heavier than the last.

He had no idea what the next move would be.