If This Isn't Love

23: OCTOBER 2017 - This Time, That Time

"Lu," Seokjin said breathlessly after he caught up to her just outside the club's door.

Luisa gulped. "Why are you out here? You should be with your fiancée."

"You said you wanted to talk."

She shook her head. "It's not important."

He grabbed her by her shoulders. "What did you want to say?" His tone was impatient.

She shivered and moved away from him, breaking the contact.

"You're cold," he said, lowering his voice. "Let's go back inside." Although it had been a warm October, there was still a chill in the air. He wished he'd brought a jacket to place over her. He began to take off his doctor's coat. "Here. It's cold and---"

She held up her hand. "No. I don't need your coat. I'm fine.  I-I was just going to ask about you...and Emily," she said stiltedly.

Seokjin stared at her for a moment then shrugged his coat back on. What did she want him to say? She had been adamant that he stay with Emily. Now all of a sudden she kissed him and looked at him as if she couldn't be without him.

But now her eyes were hard again as if she were angry. He sighed. "Damn it, Luisa. That time we spoke you made it clear for me to go back to Emily and do what she wanted. You made it a point to say we were just friends. You told me that. I texted you. I called you, but you didn't answer me."

Luisa took a few deep breaths. "So, just because I didn't answer, you got engaged?"

"Let me explain."

She shook her head. "No. There's no need. You owe me nothing. I'm just your friend, remember? If this is your decision, then I'm...happy for you. That was a beautiful ring. Emily is very lucky."

He exhaled. "Lu. It's not what you think. Let me explain. We should talk. Let's go somewhere. It's cold out here. You don't look too good. Are you okay?"

Luisa smiled. "Oh, I'm fine. Fine. Listen, I better find Meg and Sel. I should go back in. They might wonder—"

"You kissed me," he said abruptly. He was not going to let her off easy this time.

She froze. She wouldn't meet his eyes. "Never mind that."

But he wouldn't let it go. "You kissed me, and I swear that if you kiss me again, everything will change." He took a step closer. "So, go on. Kiss me."

She bristled. "No! I don't know what will change this time. You're engaged to another woman."

She was upset, so he decided to try another tack. "Lu, why didn't you ever call me? Why didn't you talk to me?" he asked softly. "Not even a damned text. Why?"

"I forgot," she shot back weakly, knowing that it was a dumb response.

"Sure," he replied. "I've called you several times, but you never wanted to talk to me. I've left messages. You never reached out to me. I even knocked on your door a couple of times. You always said you were too busy. Why?"

"Jin, I have to go back inside," she said petulantly. "Good seeing you." She moved past him.

"No, wait."

He grabbed her arm above the elbow. "You don't get to do this, you know. You can't just kiss me whenever you want and then walk out of my life. Why do you get my hopes up and then dash them to the ground?"

She whirled around. "That's not what I did."

"That's exactly what you did," he countered. He felt his heart racing in agitation. He let her arm go when she bristled at his grip. "You do it all the time. You've been nothing but a mystery all these years. I'm confused with the hot and cold treatment. Why can't you just talk to me and tell me what you want? I know what I want, but you won't discuss anything with me. Just talk to me. Why did you ignore me?"

"Does it matter now?" she snapped.

"It's always mattered," he countered.

She glared at him. "I don't think it matters anymore. You ran off and got engaged. If that's what you want, then that's that. I'll be happy for you. What else can I say? What else can I do?"

"If you'd kissed me like that a few months ago—hell, a few weeks ago—it would've been game over," he said and pulled her into his arms. His voice dropped down to a husky whisper. "If you'd kissed me like that the last time I saw you, you wouldn't have been able to walk the next day if you know what I mean."

She gasped and pushed herself away from him. "Is this all you ever think about? Do you think I just want to sleep with you? That sex is the only thing that matters?"

"Of course not," he replied. "The sex is the frosting on the cake, but I really, really care about you, Lu. I know you never wanted to hear it, but I think it's more. I think it's love. I always thought we'd be good together, but you keep pushing me away." He sighed. "After all this time, don't I deserve to know why?"

Luisa breathed in and out for a minute. "Maybe. But now you're engaged, and it serves no purpose to talk about what-ifs. If we want to maintain our friendship, we have to forget about the past. We certainly cannot talk about love. We...had a one-night stand. There's nothing there." She took a few steps before stopping. "Congratulations," she said over her shoulder.

"Luisa, stop!" His voice was so commanding that she came to a halt.

"Look at me."

She reluctantly turned to face him. Her expression had softened. She bit her lip and looked away as if she were stopping herself from saying or doing something.

"This thing with Emily," he began, "is not what you think. This so-called engagement is something that is making her happy right now, and it's given her the motivation to keep fighting. I'm just doing what you told me."

She looked at him. "So, you don't plan on marrying her?"

Seokjin shook his head slowly. He walked until he was right in front of her. His hand clasped her shoulders. "Stay with me."

He felt her shiver again. He rubbed his thumb over her collarbone and saw goosebumps break out over her low-cut costume. His breath became shorter. She leaned closer to him.

With a low growl, he brought his lips down on hers. It was a frenzied kiss, full of so much pent-up longing. His body was heating up to an uncomfortable degree. He bit her bottom lip, forcing her to open her mouth. He lost himself in the passion.

"I need you, Lu," he whispered urgently when he came up for breath. "Let me come over tonight. We need time to sort all this out." He pulled her back into his embrace.

She swayed in his arms.

"I'll see you tonight," he murmured into her hair.

Suddenly, she pushed him away. "No. I won't do that. I won't sleep with another woman's husband."

"I'm not her husband," he exclaimed.

"You might as well be," she replied. "I won't be the other woman, Jin. Don't do this to me."

"You're not the other woman," he insisted. "You are the woman." He leaned down to look into her face. "It's not cheating. I'm not married."

"You're engaged. It is cheating. And I am not the woman. Not while she wears that ring and thinks you're getting married," Luisa choked out. "No one will understand."

"I don't care about anyone else," he shot back. "This is about us."

"No. Just no. I can't. We have to forget about all this."

Then she rushed back into the club and disappeared from his view.

Seokjin clenched his fists and growled in frustration. Some people lounging around the entrance glanced at him, but he didn't care. He no longer cared who witnessed his breakdown.