If This Isn't Love

19: JULY 2017 - Please

Seokjin stood in the apartment complex lobby staring wordlessly as Luisa checked her mailbox. They had only spoken briefly in the months since they'd had their one and only date. He knew that she was giving him space to deal with the issue of Emily's illness, but he wished she'd not distanced herself so much.

He'd left her several text messages that she'd responded to with only one or two words. It made him feel that she was trying to cut him out of her life. Maybe now was the time to address that.

"Hi, Lu."

She visibly gulped and shifted the mail in her hand. "Hello. How are you?"

He pursed his lips together. Should he really tell her how he was, or should he stick to the usual small talk? "I'm...not doing well, Lu."

"Jin, I—"

"I need you," he interrupted her. "I need to be able to talk to you. When I said I wanted to be with you, I wasn't lying. I can barely get through my days because I can't see you or talk to you or..."

Another resident entered the lobby and checked his mailbox, causing them both to fall silent. They nodded their greetings at him and waited until he climbed into the elevator.

Luisa pressed her lips together as Seokjin took a step closer to her.

"...or hold you in my arms," Seokjin finished his previous thought. "Please don't shut me out. Please."

"I'm not," she protested. "I just thought you needed time to sort everything out."

"I don't need four months to sort things out," he said, his voice echoing in the room.

Another resident walked into the lobby. Again, they nodded to her. When she was gone, Luisa sighed.

"Fine. We can't talk here. Let's go to my place." She waited for the elevator. They remained silent until they were inside her apartment. She heard him close the door behind them and turned to face him.

He pulled her into his arms.

Luisa knew she should move away, but she missed him so much. His touch was awakening the desire she'd kept locked away for months, and she was afraid she'd end up doing something she shouldn't.

"I've missed you," he whispered, leaning his forehead on hers. "These past few months felt like years. Please don't starve me like this."

She moved out of his arms and walked further into the apartment. "It was never my intention to hurt you in any way. I told you. I wanted you to have time and space to deal with the situation. How is Emily?"

"Fine, I guess. I don't know," he replied.

She exhaled and walked into the kitchen, coming back with two bottles of water. "That's not kind of you, Jin. She's dealing with a very serious issue. Don't be dismissive." She opened her own bottle and sat down on the sofa. "How is she really doing?"

"Yeah. Sorry." He ran a hand through his dark mop of hair and sat next to her. "She started her first round of chemo in April, and it's been rough. It takes her so long to recover only to have to do it all over again in a few weeks." He sighed. "Her father made some calls and–poof–I'm on paid leave of absence." He groaned. "I don't know how I'm going to get out of this. I want to help her. I want to support her, but I don't want a relationship with her. I certainly don't want to marry her."

"Marry?" she asked in surprise. "Her father wants you to marry her?" Her heart thumped loudly in her chest.

Seokjin shrugged. "He didn't exactly say it, but it was definitely implied. He talks a lot about where we're going to live when Em recovers and where we can travel that will be safe for her. Emily is so excited that she doesn't complain about the treatments anymore."