If This Isn't Love

66: MAY 2023: The Weight of Sadness

Luisa had never anticipated the end of the school year with such fervor as she did this time. Although her students were still in the midst of final exams, she had already mentally checked out. Gratefully, she had the foresight to prepare everything in advance, ensuring that her workload was manageable before her depression took hold.

She was especially thankful for Elena and Jimin, who had stepped up to help with classroom chores and other details. Without their support over the past three weeks, she knew she wouldn't have managed at all.

As she took one last look around her empty classroom, she began to gather her belongings to leave for the day. A quick glance at the clock startled her; two hours had passed since the students had departed. It felt as though she was hiding, reluctant to return to her lonely apartment.

Seokjin had only visited once since their abrupt parting last month. Two weeks ago, he had come to pack another suitcase, casually mentioning that he would be traveling for business for the next few weeks. He had appeared almost relieved to be leaving, while Luisa could only watch in silence, tears brimming in her eyes as he stuffed items into his bags.

That weekend, Selina and Megan came to visit after learning from Yoongi and Hoseok that Jin would be away for a few weeks on top of the three weeks he had already spent apart from her. They had been making regular visits, feeling a sense of responsibility for their role in the situation.

Luisa knew she should have come clean with Jin as soon as she suspected she might be pregnant. He deserved honesty, yet she had chosen to withhold the truth, making unilateral decisions about their future without involving him. Now, she was grappling with the consequences of her own arrogance.

Her friends spent most of Saturday trying to lift her spirits and distract her from her overwhelming sadness. They ordered copious amounts of food, insisting that she was wasting away. Though she attempted to humor them by sampling the various dishes, her appetite remained absent.

As they left that evening, Luisa felt a shift within herself. It was time to stop wallowing in self-pity and take control of her life. She recalled how she had lost four years in the aftermath of their last breakup and vowed not to allow herself to spiral into that kind of despair again. The thought of enduring another episode like that was unbearable.

The week after classes ended, Luisa met her friends for lunch.

"What do you mean you're moving?" Selina asked, her fork frozen mid-air.

"I'm moving," Luisa repeated firmly. "I'm downsizing to a smaller apartment. I need a neutral space to regroup."

Megan frowned, her lips pursed. "But what will happen when Jin comes back?"

Luisa sighed and set down her glass. "Look, I understand you think this is just a temporary disagreement and that everything will be okay soon, but I don't feel that way. He's never been this distant before. I don't even know if he will come back, and I can't just stay in his apartment waiting for him."

"But it's your place too," Selina said gently.

"It was our place," Luisa replied, her voice steady. "But he's not here anymore. Just like he needed space, I do too. I can't find peace surrounded by all the reminders of a fairy tale that doesn't exist. I'm terrified of drowning again, and I can't let myself lose control like that. I have to fight it, but it's so hard."

Megan reached out and gently patted Luisa's hand. "Sweetie, you do what you need to do. We're here for you, and we want you to know we'll help in any way we can—just tell us what you need."

Selina nodded in agreement. "If moving out is what you feel you need, then of course we'll support you. We love you, Lulu, and it hurts to see you so sad." She sighed, her expression turning serious. "I just wish Seokjin would express his feelings instead of running away from them."

Luisa shook her head. "I don't... I can't blame him. I love him too much to be angry. I just wish I had a chance to start over, to do things right. I know it's impossible, but I wish he would give me the opportunity to..." Her voice trailed off into a choked sob.

Megan squeezed her hand reassuringly. "It's okay. It's okay. Why don't we finish up here and do something fun? How about catching a movie?"

"Or we could go for a swim in my pool," Selina suggested. "Yoongi will be working late with his agency's new group. He told me not to wait up, so we can just relax poolside and sip on some margaritas!"

Both women looked at Luisa expectantly, eager to lift her spirits.

She hesitated, unsure if she wanted company. But a growing realization struck her: she needed her friends to keep her from spiraling into the abyss she was trying to avoid. Being alone would only pull her deeper into darkness. Finally, she nodded in agreement, and both women erupted into excited giggles.

By the time they arrived poolside at Selina and Yoongi's new home, the sun was just two hours from setting. Selina had been so happy when she and Yoongi had bought the house without her father's help. She said it was a modest place made very special because it was truly theirs. The sky was a brilliant shade of blue, and for a fleeting moment, Luisa felt the weight of her sadness lift from her shoulders. With a deep sigh of relief, she sank into the cool water until it reached her neck.

As night fell, the women reluctantly left the pool, but this time, Luisa's smile was sincere. She was grateful for her friends and the joy they brought into her life.

"Hey, why don't we go out?" Megan suggested as they shuffled inside, wrapped in their towels.

"To dinner?" Luisa replied, still feeling full from all the food and drink Selina had lavishly provided throughout the afternoon.

"No," the tall redhead said with enthusiasm. "Let's go dancing!"

"What?" Luisa's brow furrowed in disbelief.

Selina, regaining her composure first, chimed in. "Hmm. It's been ages since we've done that. Aren't we a bit too old for the club scene?"

Megan laughed. "I didn't say we'd be picking up guys! We can just dance together. There's a fantastic new place that caters to a young professional crowd. They have an impressive wine selection and a small dance floor that isn't swarming with college kids. What do you think?"

Selina pursed her lips, considering. "I guess. Yoongi won't mind."

"I don't know about this whole clubbing idea," Luisa said hesitantly.

"It's not clubbing," Megan insisted. "It's an upscale spot. Hoseok took me there last week, and I think you'll really enjoy it. You don't have to dance if you don't want to—I just thought it'd be a nice change of pace."

"I suppose," Luisa muttered skeptically. "I just have no idea what to wear."

"Banish that thought!" Selina exclaimed, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "We have plenty of time to stop by my favorite boutique!"

"You just want to go shopping," Luisa said, shaking her head.

"Absolutely!" the petite woman admitted with a grin. "And I think you deserve to treat yourself to something fabulous. We can do our hair and makeup here and then hit the boutique for outfits!"

Megan clapped her hands together in delight. "Deal!"

Luisa couldn't help but smile at their enthusiasm. Once again, she felt grateful for her friends and their unwavering determination to lift her spirits. And she almost forgot about Seokjin.

Almost.

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Friends, thank you for taking the time to read through my latest story. It is coming to an end. I only have a few chapters to go.

Thank you again for your likes. I am already planning my next story. It should be out in 2025.