With Michael

Chapter 40 - Paul & Linda III (Part 1)

20th of October, 1995
Brooklyn is 29, Michael is 37

Brooklyn: Depression is a funny thing.

You think you're happy, but then it brings you down, and you feel helpless.

So helpless that you cry yourself to sleep every night. You avoid the people who care for you the most. You feel alone.

The wind dried the fresh tears that rolled down my cheeks, making me shiver.

I tightened my hoodie around me and held the swing handle in fear I would fall.

If Michael went to his giving tree when he wanted to disappear or be alone, then the hidden Neverland swing set was my place to do just that.

And just like the giving tree, the swings were totally isolated.

I breathed heavily when I felt the pressure in my heart again.

"Brooklyn?" Michael called.

Honestly? My husband was the last person I wanted to be with. And still, all I was dreading for was his loving hugs and kisses.

I haven't seen him all day. He was so busy with work, and Jason, too.

Michael appeared through the tree that surrounded the swing set, the small smile on his perfect face fading when he saw me.

The grief took over everything. My thoughts, my heart, my entire body. It made me numb.

He sighed and took a seat on the swing next to me.

"What can I do to help?" he asked, putting a hand on mine.

Bring back my brother and find a way to stop me from killing our babies.

"Nothing."

"Brooklyn, baby, please. There must be something I can do."

I took my hand away from his touch.

I met his glossy eyes. Seeing him holding back his tears broke me even more. He is crying because of me.

"You can't, Michael. Just... Just let me be alone." I said.

"You know I'm not gonna do that."

I sighed, "Then I'm going."

Of course, as soon as I stood up, he pulled me so I would face him.

"Stop pushing away every time this happens."

"What do you expect me to do, then?" I blinked. "Spend every second with you and see you suffer?"

"Suffer?" Michael raised his eyebrows.

"Yes. Suffer. I know how much you want children. I can't even imagine how hard it is for you to watch baby after baby die, knowing it's all my fault."

He should hate me. He should leave me. Any other man would.

My husband grabbed both of my hands tightly, "But it isn't. You know it isn't. And yes, you should spend every second with me. It's the best way to get through this. This is something we're going through together. This is not about me or you, this is about us."

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath.

"We will have children. Brooke, listen to me. We will have children, I just know we will. You were just dealing with so much. We couldn't avoid it even if we tried." he continued.

He was right. Chris's passing was too much for me to handle.

My husband pulled me by my waist and sat me on his lap.