make-believe | jason newsted

iv

chapter four: a second chance

Jason did not get over her, and he wasn't going to get over her for a long time. 

Every time he laid down in bed and closed his eyes, she flashed through his memory, almost taunting him about the fact that he hadn't gotten to know her. 

It was starting to annoy him. It was so pathetic that he was so hung up over this girl. He didn't even get to know her, and for that reason, he should've gotten over her by the end of that night. 

There was no doubt she was the prettiest girl in the room. She managed to get everyone's attention on her like it was nothing. And yet, her eyes were only fixated on Jason.

There was something about her smile and her stare that had a hold on Jason to this point. She was so beautiful, and he just wanted the chance to tell her personally. 

Even more, he wanted the chance to be with her. Perhaps he was dreaming too hard in that department, how could someone like him be with someone as beautiful as her?

It was frustrating. Love was stupid. Was it supposed to take this long to find "the one?" Jason wasn't going to give up just yet, but he was getting tired of this waiting game. 

Anybody could be "the one." That girl could've been "the one," his bandmates could be "the one." Hell, even one of the groupies could turn out to be "the one." 

He really hoped that first scenario was true out of all of them.

In the days after their final show before they prepared to come to the studio, the band noticed that Jason wasn't as involved and excited as he would normally be.

They were supposed to start writing songs and jamming soon, bringing whatever inspiration they had to get the tracks and the music up and running. 

Jason, however, wasn't in the right mindset to do all of that. It took a lot of focus to try and be creative, and he was far from being focused right now. Creativity was something that could only come naturally.

That wasn't to say he didn't show up to try and contribute something, because he did. It's just that nothing good ever came out.

That was rare for Jason, he was always ready and willing to make music at any given time. He could write anything on command and it would almost always come out immaculate. But today, that wasn't the case.

The band brushed it off, letting Jason have time to himself and not worry about it for now. They simply thought that maybe he wasn't feeling well and they would get something out of him in the next session.

But every session was the same. The band came with whatever they wanted to contribute, and Jason came with nothing. He sat in his own private corner, keeping to himself and plucking at his bass.

He wasn't going to tell them what was upsetting him because they wouldn't let him live it down. It wasn't even about the girl anymore, it was about the fact that he so desperately wanted a companion. And he didn't even know why.

If he told them about the girl specifically, they would just laugh at him. Like he told himself before: he could have anything he wanted, he was on top of the world. And yet, he wanted love. And he wanted this girl the most.

In the downtime from the studio, he went back to the same place that he first saw her. Maybe she happened to live in the neighborhood and frequented the area often. 

Jason was really not trying to come off as a creep, but he was desperate in his search. He wasn't going around asking people like he did that night, but he kept his eyes peeled for a miracle.

That miracle rarely ever came.

It wasn't so bad sometimes. People knew who he was and he didn't mind making friends along the way or talking to pretty girls. 

But that wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to see her and her sweet smile. There was something more to her if she still had this hold on him. 

Just like all the times before, Jason quit while he was ahead. She wasn't going to appear magically out of thin air, it was getting late, and he was tired. As much as he hoped for something different, that was how it usually went. 

Being desperate for love made you do crazy things. For Jason, that was running around all over this city just to meet a random girl he fell in love with at a random bar.

Maybe she was just a figment of his imagination for all he knew. He wanted to be loved so bad, that maybe his mind ended up playing a trick on him and made this image of the girl of his dreams right in front of him.

If that happened to be the truth, that would be pretty fucked up.

But sometimes, people had to learn the hard way.