make-believe | jason newsted

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chapter five: wishing on a miracle

Jason felt like a loser.

The days continued to go on, and yet, he was still hung up on the mysterious girl. With the way he was acting, you'd think that he was married to this girl for twenty years or something.

But that's what it felt like. It felt like twenty years had passed and he was stuck thinking about the one who got away. 

Wherever he went, he kept his eyes peeled. He was praying for the moment when he would randomly bump into her again. 

He could've gone anywhere, even places where he knew she wouldn't be, and still had hope that by some random chance, she was there.

He was still keeping this a secret from the guys. Besides, he had gotten better at maintaining his focus on their music again, so to them, whatever was going on with him before had seemingly passed over.

But when all was said and done, and he finally set his bass down, he would have a couple of minutes free of thought. And without warning, she reentered his mind.

As much as he wanted her out of his head, he never wanted to forget her face. How could he forget someone like her? 

But at the same time, he wished that for just one day he could be left with peace of mind. But not too much though because sometimes, you had to be careful about what you wished for. 

It was getting so bad that Jason contemplated seeking help to get her out of his mind. Clearly, this was something that was affecting him mentally, maybe he needed to go to therapy or something.

He never went through with it. People went to therapy for serious things, it would be embarrassing to go to therapy and explain his situation to someone. Plus, they'd probably look at him like he was too far gone for help. 

His mind continued to fester with the thoughts of the pretty girl. Her smile, her hair, the way she moved with such grace. She was one of a kind, and almost too good to be true.

But Jason saw her. He knew he saw her. There's no way he was just imagining things, everything about her was so real to him. 

Eventually, his mind had become so consumed with the mysterious girl, he ended up writing a song about her.

This song was only meant to be an escape for Jason, just to see if that would help his situation. He would keep it to himself, vowing never to show the band, even if they managed to find it someday. 

If they were to finish writing and recording the new album without bumping into her once, this song would then serve as a reminder for him. Something for him to look back on years from now.

The urge to write the song about her was fine, but it was putting the words down on the paper that was making things difficult. 

He barely knew anything about her, how could he write a song about her if he only knew what she looked like? He was sure there was more to her than just being attractive. 

So while she managed to stay the subject of the song, Jason had written about his longing for her. How he felt, how she was practically the girl of his dreams, and how she disappeared into thin air. 

Even if he bumped into her somewhere and found out that she had a boyfriend, he wouldn't be upset. A girl as gorgeous as her could probably get anyone she wanted.

But for Jason, what was most important, was that he would receive the closure. Of course, he would wish for it to be him, but at the end of the day, all he could do was respect it. He would have to move on.

He should've been moving on right now, but he wasn't. Instead, he was writing this song and making up all these fantasies in his head that probably wouldn't even come true. 

Some would call him delusional, and he wouldn't deny that he was acting a bit delusional. But his attachment towards her wasn't something he could just overlook. Maybe it was a sign.

A sign that maybe she could be his soulmate. That was a big maybe because if they were destined to be together, then why didn't he get the chance to see her by now?

It was all so frustrating. Taking his frustrations and longing out in the form of this song, he hoped that in some way, it would make her come back to him.

So rather than keeping it private like originally planned, he decided to share this song with the band.