make-believe | jason newsted

ix

chapter nine: the show must go on

After the band talked with Jason, things went back to normal for the most part with making the album. But during this time, Jason was starting to contemplate whether or not he should move on.

The guys were right in that aspect. It had been months, and there wasn't any sign that she would be turning up anytime soon. All he was doing was giving himself false hope.

For all he knew, someone as beautiful as her probably had a boyfriend. If not, she must have had tons of guys throwing themselves at her. Why would she want to be with someone like him? He was just a regular guy.

There was something about her he couldn't forget. What that was, he couldn't put his finger on it exactly. He wanted more than anything to have one chance with her, even if it didn't work out.

With every passing day, the regret sunk in deeper, and Jason wondered how different things would have been had he made a different choice. Like buying a drink or asking for her name. 

But would things really be that different if he imagined her like the band claimed? Probably not, but he knew he wasn't seeing things at the time. She was a real person, a real companion that he wanted. 

Jason wasn't listening to the band's claim that she was never there. They were all easily distracted by putting on a good performance instead of paying attention to who was in the crowd. Of course they didn't see her.

Still, he took their advice. They were his bandmates, and they were only trying to help him. He was the one who was waiting on a wish that was probably never going to come true.

On one last attempt, he decided to revisit the place where he first saw her. Not in hopes of seeing her, but wanting to reminisce on the mysterious girl and his memories associated with her.

He was also bringing pity onto himself because he knew no one else was going to do it. He had to move on and accept the fact that he would never see her again, even if he didn't want to, and that was hard for him.

His relationship with the band was strained and he was losing sight of what was most important to him. His music and himself, nothing else. Not even the girl he so desperately wanted.

He entered the establishment, took a seat at the bar, and ordered a drink. All the memories from when he was performing with the band had come back, immediately occupying his mind with the girl.

It just so happened that a band was performing there tonight as well. It seemed like the establishment had been used to having different artists come in to entertain.

Hope started to rise in Jason again. Maybe the mysterious girl often came here to see different bands play. There was a potential chance she would be there, dancing to her heart's content again. 

But, as they played their set, she never showed up. He wasn't too disappointed. In fact, he was expecting disappointment. It was like a one-in-a-million chance he would actually bump into her again.

Jason wasn't planning on getting hammered that night, but as time went on and things weren't going his way, the drinks started flowing. He ended up getting more than buzzed by the end of the night.

He needed to get a grip already. Getting drunk over a girl he barely even knew? He hated feeling this way about someone he didn't know, but loved so much. It was pathetic.

The alcohol only made him feel worse, and he was preparing for the hangover he was going to be stuck with the next day. At least it provided a temporary solution to his problems.

As Jason stumbled back home, heartbroken and frustrated, he started to realize that his feelings for her couldn't continue any longer. It was only going to make things worse in the long run. 

As he lay down in his cold and empty bed that night, his mind was flooded with the memories of his too-good-to-be-true lover. No one could ever come close to the way he felt about her, it was almost impossible.

In another life, he and the girl were probably together and happy. Nothing kept them apart and they were a match made in heaven. He didn't want to live a life where that wasn't possible, but unfortunately, that was his reality.

He started to believe what everyone around him was saying. His mind most likely played a cruel trick on him and he had been seeing things. The way the guys explained it was convincing enough. 

All Jason wanted was a companion. Someone to love him, to hold him, to tell him that everything will be okay. He didn't ask for anything more. 

He wondered why he never got that in return. Maybe he was trying too hard or asking for too much. Maybe he was meant to be alone forever. 

With a deep sigh, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, hoping to forget about his loneliness for a couple of hours.