make-believe | jason newsted

xii

chapter twelve: fade into you

In the days after their argument, the band still went through with taking their business elsewhere to continue recording the album. 

Jason had no other choice but to go with them. He wanted to stay in the band, he wanted to do this album, so his decision was already made for him. That didn't mean he had to like it.  

Things were still tight between the four of them, but no one was trying to add fuel to the fire. The last thing they needed was another disagreement. The album was the main priority, and that was final.

Jason didn't care about hiding his disappointment one bit. Every time he was around the band, he had a face of annoyance. He didn't care what they thought about him looking so bothered.

Sometimes, there was a silent tension between them, or someone would make a comment that was clearly a stab at someone else. Jason couldn't complain, he enjoyed the peace and quiet that came with the silence.

Eventually, the four of them decided to apologize to each other, especially Jason. Surprisingly, Lars had been the first to apologize for his behavior to Jason.

Even with the apologies, things didn't blow over immediately. It took time to move on from the whole ordeal. But once they did, they focused on other things that were more important.

Their new home for the next couple of months wasn't much of a difference from where they were before, there was still a lot to do and places to hang out when they weren't working. 

Jason was still hoping off of a sliver of hope that he would see the girl anywhere they went. It made no sense, they were in a completely different state, but he believed that anything was possible.

However, his hope and desperation weren't as strong as it was before. As time went on, his hope began to slowly disappear, accepting the fact that he was going to be left with nothing in the end.

Maybe that's how things were supposed to be. He was searching too hard for a partner, but maybe he was meant to remain alone all of this time.

Yeah, the women here were pretty, and yeah he could find someone else if he wanted to, but that wasn't possible either. None of them were her, as cheesy as it sounded.

Jason could already picture a time in the future when he's moved on. It could be years later, and he's with someone else, on a date. 

He's enjoying his date, loving his partner, appreciating her the way he knew how. Everything is fine and dandy until, oh my god. He spots the girl, the one he's been looking for for years.

No offense to his future lover, but he would leave her to talk to the mysterious girl. Maybe that was a bit harsh to say, Jason always considered others, but this was his potential soulmate we were talking about. 

He sighed deeply to himself. What the hell was he thinking? None of that was going to happen. Ever. As the band had said, she wasn't a real person, so that whole scenario was literally impossible.

When he had some downtime, Jason thought it would be a good idea to try and seek therapy. Kirk had said it as a joke in passing one time, but Jason took it literally.

He wasn't seeking advice for his situation specifically, and he didn't even feel like explaining the whole thing to his future therapist. People went to therapy for more serious issues, not this.

He told his therapist about the girl, what happened, and how he was feeling now. He was sure he sounded like he had never felt the touch of a woman to the therapist, and that was not the impression he was trying to give.

He went for one week before he decided it wasn't working for him. He knew his therapist was silently judging him, and his love problems were not something that needed therapy.

Jason knew he was a loser (or so he thought), but he didn't want to be that much of a loser.

Therapy wasn't exactly the best course of action, but it did push Jason to finally give it up. She was gone, long gone. Possibly never even existed in the first place.

It killed him inside knowing he was never going to get that same feeling, that same connection he felt, ever again. He could be wrong, but right now, he felt like things were never going to change.

That wasn't to say he was going to completely forget about her, because that was basically impossible for him. Someone as beautiful as her was never to be forgotten.

He hated all of this so much, his chances were almost at zero now that they had completely moved cities. But that was his life, and this was his job. 

The upside now was that they would be able to record the album and get it over with. It would give Jason a good distraction not to worry about it so much, but what would happen after it was done?

Sure, they would go on tour to promote the album, but once a show was over, what would distract him then? 

There would be nothing, and he would be left alone with his own thoughts. That was the last thing he wanted to deal with on his own.

But little did he know, his wish would (eventually) come true.