Dragons Trust Book 1 - The Start

Inner Demons

I sat with Micah, Marcus, Tommy, and Sunny for dinner. Noah had been sent to the border again two weeks ago. It seemed like he was gone more and more.

Two months had passed since I started my classes. Some things were easier than others, some were harder. Still, barely any people accepted me here. Comments about me were always being passed around. Sometimes I wished I could just blend in.

The food in front me made my stomach twist. I felt like I had eaten so much since being here. Back at home with my dad, we didn't have a lot. Not that I was really aloud to eat much of it anyway. The boys were being rowdy like always.

"Octavia gets to live with you guys! We're stuck on the main island with other guys all damn day. Most of them smell!" Sunny complained. He was somewhat of a clean freak. His room was spotless and smelled like some kind of cleaner. "Oh! We all need a hang out spot! One that we can all go to without having someone older with us."

My mouth started to water. Not in a good way. I slightly pushed the food away from me and waited until someone else finished. There was no way I could go throw it away alone.

"Hey he's right. But there's not a lot of places on this island that aren't taken yet. Most the places left kind of suck too," Tommy agreed. He took a big bite out of the meat on his plate. My gag reflex almost caused me to puke.

Why couldn't I just eat? It didn't matter how hard I tried, I either couldn't bring myself to eat it, or I threw most of it back up.

Noah can't know. He'd be so disappointed in me.

Tuarana tried to comfort me through the bond. It worked a little.

"Birdy, you didn't even touch your food," Marcus said to me quietly. My hand picked at the material of uniforms pants.

It had been given to me yesterday. The uniform fitters had taken my measurements and asked my preferences. Thankfully, they were mostly women. The store was down in the Underside.

"I'm not hungry at the moment," a lie. I was starving, but every time I would try to take a bite my hands would shake. No one needed to see me struggle to eat. There wasn't any reason I should be struggling to eat.

So why couldn't I? I was being spoiled by refusing the food. All I was doing was acting like an entitled brat. Thoughts of an eating disorder had plagued my mind, but there wasn't a reason I should have one.

Sure food wasn't as accessible at home as it could have been, but we still had some. That's the way it had always been. Dad would always eat first. He was the one that worked to have money and make sure we were taken care of. I would eat second. What was left was mine.

A hand stopped my picking. I looked up at Marcus, who was much taller than I was.

"It's okay. You're not in any trouble. I just wanted to make sure you were okay," he said softly. His hand moved away from mine.

Surely there was no way he believed the blatant lie I had just spoken into existence.

Would he be mad at me if found out I was lying? What the hell am I even asking?! Of course he would be pissed if he found out I was lying. And that was Marcus. He never got mad at anybody. Ever. So why the hell did I lie to him? He was going to find out the truth eventually.

If you think Marcus is going to be mad, wait until Noah finds out.

Oh Gods, Noah would kill me. If I thought Marcus would be pissed, Noah would be even worse. It was known he had the hardest time controlling his anger. What would he do when he found out?

I had to eat. I just had to. But I couldn't. I couldn't even get myself to pick up the cutlery. Eating was definitely out of the question.

But Noah would be so mad.

All of them had every right to be.

"We could use that one lake. The one Ares threw himself in after the cloud exercise," Tommy suggested.

Just eat. Pick up the fork, and eat. It's not that hard. Do something. Eat something. Please just eat something.

"You're too hard on yourself. Calm down, it'll be okay," Tuarana tried to comfort. I didn't agree with her.

I wasn't being too hard on myself. I wasn't being hard enough. Eating was such a simple, mundane task. Everyone did it. It was essential to be able to live.

So why couldn't I just eat?

"Listen to me. Small steps is all you need. Start with small meals whenever you get hungry." Tuarana was trying to help. And I appreciated it.

My mouth started to water more.

I just couldn't do it. My body refused to move in the direction of the food in front of me. I tried telling myself that I didn't even have to eat the stuff I didn't like.

Just eat.

Please just eat something.

"Yeah we could do the lake. It's on this island and there's no rule against it. We're the only ones that use it anyways." Micah's voice was distant, hard to hear.

A ringing began to take over my hearing. My vision started to go white quickly followed by black.

I was panicking. I was panicking and I was about to pass out.

My throat closed up, making it impossible to tell the others. What was worse, from the outside I looked fine. I knew I did.

This had happened so many times before. Even with the people I knew I could trust.

Don't throw up, don't throw up, don't throw up.

I felt hands my shoulders.

Noah's cologne hit me like a brick.

Everything started to come back instantly.

My vision came back and I could hear again.

My throat slowly opened back up, making it easier to breathe.

"Hey Noah!"

"Noah!"

"You're a cunt for not telling me you were coming back."

Was the rounds of greetings that circled the table. Most of them were repeated, besides one. That was Micah and I'm sure everyone knew that.

I looked up to him.

"Hi," I said quietly. He ruffles my hair before sitting down next to me.

"You're fine Micah. Don't act like you didn't miss me," Noah teased.

The food still sat in front of me.

There was no way I could eat it.

Not today, but if I wasn't careful, things would just get so much worse.