Supernova

Chapter One Hundred and Eight - Forgiveness of Sins

I knew what needed to be done next.

I'd put it off long enough. Well, that's technically a lie I guess, because I don't suppose it counts as putting something off if you're physically and mentally incapable of carrying out the task, or if the situation prevents it, like when you're stuck in an infirmary full of people like the school nurse and your homeroom teacher and possible guardian and your handicapped ex boyfriend slash twin brother. When I put it like that, I guess things had gotten quite complicated and I had been busy, but still.

I didn't know how exactly I was going to go about it or what I would say, but I didn't stop to think about it. I needed to see Katsuki, to feel something solid, something simple, to tell him everything that I had been harboring in my chest since we'd last been able to speak openly to each other, including hundreds upon hundreds of apologies.

I headed towards the dorm room, but I hadn't even made it to the stairwell at the end of the hallway before I ran into him. It terrified me, because I had this sudden habitual shock of no, he's not safe, don't look at him, you'll puke, until I re-remembered that was over, and he was here, and he was safe.

I didn't even have the chance to ask him what he was doing here, but that didn't mean he didn't answer. The second he saw me, our eyes met for just a second, and then all I really saw was him reach for me and I closed my eyes and my mouth illuminated, and then the rest of me, and it really did feel like coming home.

He pulled me into an empty classroom and I let him. I wasn't really sure what was about to happen, but that didn't mean I wasn't going to let it. I just kept kissing him back, kept holding onto him, because even though I knew we had all this time stretched out in front of us, it still felt like it might never be enough.

Part of me thought he was going to fuck me, but that was probably the part of me that had seen too many old movies. I had been prepared to allow it, to act out the reunion scene as I knew it, submitting to the fact that I very well might have a heart attack and die as a result of it, but instead of intensifying, his kissing eventually slowed, and when I opened my eyes, I could see that he was crying.

He didn't let me see it for long. He broke the kissing and pulled me into this tight hug, cheek pressed to his shoulder, face against his neck, firm grip on my back and head, holding me like I might dissipate into thin air.

I suppose I understood the fear.

I didn't know what to say. I wasn't very good at comforting others. Never really had been. But the crying didn't last, and eventually I realized this was not sadness or fear, not really, but relief.

"I missed you," he told me. "So much."

This, I could handle.

"I missed you too," I said.

"That was one of the worst things I've ever been through," he said.

I knew he meant it. I understood. He'd also said this before, back when Elias had me pinned to the gym floor and threatening to kill him, which is a little ironic, now that I think about it, but this time I didn't say haven't you been kidnapped? I was going to be a good girlfriend. I pulled back from the hug a little, not enough to let go, but enough to see his face.

"You did so good though," I said. "Very heroic."

"I know," he said, making me aware of just how much I missed him. "It didn't always feel like that though."

"No," I agreed. "I know it didn't."

"I could barely even look at you," he said.

"Me neither," I said, a little excitedly, like I'd discovered we both liked ramen or the colour green. "Even smelling you from across the room made me want to puke."