LUCYS COUSIN - a julien baker fanfic

chapter eight - gone

Ivy's POV

it was about 3 days after the hangover, nothing really happened besides the boys going to studio and me and julien going thrifting.

we were all sitting on the couch — as per usual. i got a call from mom.

i stood up, "let me go take this, moms calling" and i walked out the sliding doors, the cold winter air hitting me.

"hello?" i say into the phone, "honey your father-" she said, i started worrying, mom doesn't talk about dad unless something's really wrong.

me and my dad weren't that close anymore, but we were when i was younger, especially before mom and dads divorce. he still texts me, i told him about mom kicking me out and he supports me and thinks her decision was awful.

"what's wrong?" i ask, "he died last night" she said. my heart dropped to my stomach, my eyes filled with tears, i couldn't move. i was frozen, it was like i was paralyzed. "he — he what?" i whispered, "he had a heart attack and the ambulance couldn't make it there in time, im so sor-" "bye mom" i said hanging up.

i walked back in the door and i fell to my knees, i started weeping so hard i could barely breathe. the boys all ran over to me, i was gasping for breath in between sobs and whimpers. "ivy! ivy i dont know what happened but you have to breathe" lucy said rubbing my back, i shook my head. i couldn't, i couldn't breathe. it was like i couldn't control the sobs, they kept coming even when i tried to stop them.

"i-" i dryly coughed, "i cant" i said, followed by another sob. "shhh, it's okay, it's okay" julien said beside me, kissing my forehead. "ivy you have to tell us what's wrong" lucy said trying to console me. phoebe sat there not knowing what to do.

i was still sobbing, but it was getting easier to breathe. "its- its dad" i said, wiping my eyes as tears were still falling. "what about him, honey?" julien asked, another sob left my mouth. "he died" lucy's eyes went wide. my biggest supporter had died. my father died, and something inside of me had died.

i saw tears form in lucy's eyes, she embraced me. "how?" she whispered. "heart attack" i said, squeezing her tight. i heard a few sniffles come from her, making my heart break all over again. "i know" i said still crying. i heard a sob come from her, she lifted her head up off of my shoulder and wiped her tears.

"i'm so sorry ivy" she said, holding my face in her hands and wiping my tears. i didn't know how to reply, phoebe hugged me and kept me in her embrace for a minute or two.

the next three days were hard. i had only eaten one full meal in the entire three days, i tried eating another meal but i just threw it up. i hadn't showered or brushed my teeth, my hair was a mess, i only got out of the bed to use the bathroom. lucy came into check on me every now and then if julien wasn't in there with me.
i know i had lost a few pounds even though it's been a few days, i just looked weak, and extremely sick.

today was the day of the funeral and julien woke me up at the ass crack of dawn to get ready. "ivy hun, you gotta get up" she said, shaking me a little. "it's so early, i don't want to get up" i said burying my head farther into the pillow. "it's 8. the funeral starts at 10, i know you don't wanna get up but you really need to" she said, i turned back to look at her. she looked sincere, rubbing some of my hair out of my face, "please" she whispered.

i sat up, rubbing my eyes. "i feel like shit" i mumbled, "i know, you can sleep as soon as you get back" she said. i nodded and grabbed my outfit, "sorry if i'm asking for too much but can you iron this while i'm in the shower?" i asked, showing julien a black dress. "of course i can, i'll put it on the bathroom counter when i'm done" she replied. "thank you" i smiled weakly, she kissed my cheek and i went into the bathroom

i cried through my whole shower, occasionally accidentally letting sobs slip even though i was trying to be quiet. i heard julien open the door, "i'm leaving this on the counter ivy" she said, walking back out.

i got ready, lucy got ready, and we both went together. "i'm dreading this" i said as she was driving, "i know, me too. he loved you a lot, ivy." she replied. i choked back on tears, "i know" i whispered. "do you think mom will be here?" i asked, "probably, but you don't have to talk to her. if you need anything i'll be right by your side" she said. we pulled up in that moment and i sighed.

mom was infact there, to be honest i wasn't that ready to see her yet. i didnt talk to her, that would've sent my mental health plummeting even more than it already was. i somehow composed myself when we went to go see dad, i think it really hit me when we watched him get buried. there were people sniffling around us, i realized this was the last time i'll ever get to see my father. i hiccuped into a sob and muffled myself into lucy's shoulder, she rubbed my back as she was sobbing herself. "i just...don't—understand" i whispered to her in between weeps, "i know ivy, im so sorry hun" she said, also crying and squeezing me tight.

after the casket was under, and it was time for us to all go home, i couldn't. me and lucy stood there in each others embrace for a good 30 minutes. it sounded mean, but i just didn't understand why it had to be my dad and not my mom. he actually loved me, she doesn't. i wouldn't care as much if it was her, he was my #1 supporter.

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a/n: hi!!! yea this is definitely a....chaotic chapter, i kinda just make up stuff as i go based off of my own life. my dad passed not too long ago and i miss him quite a bit, but my mom is great lol. also an animated cool about it video comes out tomorrow???? hello??? anyways i'm ngl i cried while writing this and my girlfriend woke up and thought something happened 😭 anyways i'm gonna go eat breakfast with my girlfriend now thank you for reading, bye!!! :)

(1143 words)
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