LUCYS COUSIN - a julien baker fanfic

chapter twenty one - time to talk.

TW: eating disorder

(Ivy's POV)

julien woke me up around 9AM, we layed in bed for a bit before getting ready.

i put on a baby blue dress before putting some light makeup on. julien walked in her room with wet hair after taking a shower and she stares at me, "what? does this dress make me look fat?" i ask, "what? no," she furrowed her brows,  "i think you look cute" she smiled. i thanked her before going back to finish my makeup. i just couldn't shake the feeling that i weighed too much.

after all of us got ready, all 6 of us somehow fit in one car. i kept dozing off on juliens shoulder on the car ride to brunch, but she made sure i didn't fall asleep.

we went into the restaurant and julien kept glancing at me, i was hardly touching my food. "babe...is something wrong? you've been acting super weird" she whispered, "yeah, i'm fine" i said, trying to make it sound as believable possible. i know that she knew i wasn't, but i also knew she didn't wanna push me to tell her anything.

after eating about half of my plate i excuse myself to the bathroom, i make myself throw up. i made myself throw up all of the food i just ate, i had been doing that for the past couple of days. i just wanted to be skinnier and nothing was working, and it was killing me, literally.

as i was wiping my mouth, julien walked in the bathroom.

"you okay?... i came in here to tell you we're leaving now" she asked, "yeah, i'm- i'm fine* i said. she looked at me skeptically, "okay.. you ready?" she asked and i nodded. she took my hand and we walked out, i wanted to tell her i wasn't okay, i wanted to tell her i disgust myself, i wanted to tell her what i was doing to myself, but i just couldn't. i didn't know if she would see me differently or not, i was scared of her being angry,  i was scared she was gonna see me the way i see myself, i was terrified. i was just terrified.

we had to go to more places for her dad's birthday, but when we finally got home we all laid on the couch to watch a movie. me and julien we're cuddled up on one end of the couch and phoebe and lucy were on the other end, jbs parents sitting in the two chairs.

i ended up falling asleep in the middle of the movie.

(Juliens POV)

it was pretty late when the movie had ended and lucy and phoebe got up, "you gonna take her up to your bed?" lucy asked me, "yeah, uh about that, after i get her in bed can we talk?" i asked, "yeah of course, i'll be in here" she said as i nodded.

i got ivy up to my bed, i put a long t-shirt over her dress, and then took her dress off, leaving her in a t-shirt and shorts so she'd be comfortable.

i walked back down to lucy, "luce im really worried about her" i sighed, "me too julien, me too" she said. "there's something wrong and she won't tell me what it is, and she's being really mean to herself and... lucy i'm worried. i love her and it hurts so bad to see her hurting and not knowing how to help" i said, i know lucy was a little taken aback because me and ivy have never said i love you or anything like that, but she just nodded.

"she's been through some shit, and it isn't my story to tell, but she has been having a reoccurring nightmare, like a trauma flashback, that could be it" lucy said, "luce... she's barely eating, and i think she made herself throw up earlier, right before we left brunch. and she keeps asking me if stuff makes her look fat, i think she has an eating disorder" i said, "i know. i notice it too, hell me and phoebe have been noticing it constantly. and it breaks my heart, i've been through the exact same thing and i just feel so bad that shes going through the same thing" lucy said.