LUCYS COUSIN - a julien baker fanfic

chapter twenty - nashville trip

TW: body image, mental health issues, eating disorder. if any of this triggers you pls click off, pleaseeee take care of yourselves. mwah 💙

Ivy's POV

March 22nd 2023

i had been doing college for two months and i won't lie, my mental health was plummeting. the past week my eating habits got worse, i was eating less and less and an eating disorder was developing. the rachel situation kept popping up in my memory and i kept having that damn reoccurring nightmare. i did try to hide this from the boys though, i didn't want them to have to see me like that.

when our alarms went off, i snoozed mine until julien had to eventually drag me out of bed. the only thing i did to get ready for the airport was put my hair into a messy bun, leaving juliens hoodie and my pajama pants on. 

when we were in our uber, phoebe sat in the passenger seat while me, lucy, and julien all sat in the back. me behind the driver seat, julien in the middle, and lucy behind the passenger seat. the airport was about 45 minutes, and i guess i had fallen asleep on the way there while resting my head on julien.

i felt her hand brush some hair out of
my face and she talked quietly, "hey baby?" she said. i mumbled something back before she spoke again, "we're gonna be at the airport in about 10 minutes, do you want something to eat before our flight?" she asked. "no. i'm not hungry" i lied, she just nodded and turned back to talk to lucy.

the flight was rough, phoebe slept the whole way through, lucy slept for half an hour, and julien slept the last hour of the flight. i couldn't sleep, being on planes made me extremely anxious and i hated flying.

when we landed it was about 1PM in nashville, i know i should've been excited and happy to be there, but i wasn't. i wasn't happy lately, i don't know why, i just had these depression episodes that i couldn't control. sometimes you just have to let them do there thing, and let them take their time to go.

juliens parents were waiting for us at the airport.
i put on the best smile i could and went up to shake both of their hands, juliens mom giving me a hug. "so you're juliens girlfriend, right?" her dad asked, "yeah!" i replied. "it's so nice to meet you!! we've heard so much about you from this one" her mom said, looking at julien, which made all of us giggle.

"it's nice to meet you too! and i hope it's all good things" i giggled.

i was starting to feel a little better honestly. when we made it to their house, we unpacked and julien was showing me her childhood room. "so..how do you like my parents?" she asked, "they're sweet, i think i'm gonna like it here" i replied. "i think you'll like it here too" she smiled.

we went back downstairs seeing lucy and phoebe on the couch, we joined them.

"hey guys i made some lunch if you want any" juliens mom said, everyone stood to walk in the kitchen, so i just followed them. juliens mom was handing the girls plates but when she got to me i declined, "no thanks! im not hungry but i really appreciate it" i smiled and nodded.

"that's fine, it's here if you change your mind" she replied, julien turned to me, "wait you haven't eaten anything since yesterday" she pointed out.

i stuttered a little trying to create an excuse "uh, yeah i did you were just ... asleep. i ate on the plane when you fell asleep" i said, lucy looked at me confused. fuck. she was awake when julien was asleep. i just sat there and hoped she wouldn't say anything, she didn't she just kept glaring at me.

we were all pretty tired from the flight so we took a nap, and nothing much happened for the rest of the day.

i woke up during the night and had that stupid nightmare, i didn't wanna wake julien up, plus she would ask me about it. i went to the guest room that lucy and phoebe were sleeping in and woke lucy up.

"ivy? what's wrong" she whispered, "the nightmare" i said quietly, panting and trying not to cry. she slipped out of bed, and walked me to the front porch.

"it's been reoccurring for like a month, but it's bad, it's messing with me lucy" i said on the verge of tears, "it's okay, it's okay for it to be affecting you, it was a traumatic experience. but i do want you to know that i know for a fact julien would never do something like that, and if you tell her about it she'll be more cautious, if that makes you feel better. i think you should tell her, but it's okay if you don't want to" she said. i just nodded and wiped the few tears that fell

i finally fell back asleep around 4AM, which wasn't the best because we had to be ready and at brunch reservations by 11 for jbs dads birthday.

a/n: HEYYY!!! i finally started publishing chapters and im really excited, reading back the first few chapters are a little cringe but idk how to start books lmao. this chapter was shorter (not including the authors note) because i have major writers block, but i have some big ideas. okayyy ill stop yapping now :)

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