Crazy In Love | Buggy

f o u r

Another silence settled over the tent. This silence, somehow, was more deafening than the last one had been. This one seemed worse because it wasn't just the townspeople who were silent but also the clown crew. I saw something new on their faces - fear. Or was it trepidation?

It became incredibly clear to me that this book that I had destroyed - well, technically Buggy had destroyed - was of the utmost importance.

His threat of violence, of murder did not seem to me like an empty threat. Especially when I eyed up all the weapons that him and his clowns were clutching.

Blades that were longer than my arms, butcher knives, throwing knives and stars, one of them even held a whip. I had never seen weapons like this before.

I had always considered myself a very brave person. I often imagine scenarios like this in my head, on days where I was bored out of my mind. In those scenarios, I was always heroic. I would bravely sweep in and save the day.

There was no way to be the hero in this situation. They had a massive crew, I just had myself. They had weapons galore, I had none, and I was shackled.

Actually being in a situation like this felt so different than how I imagined it. In real life, it wasn't just my life that I was playing with. If I tried to be a hero, I could get my entire family killed - no, I could get my entire town killed.

That thought, along with Buggy's threat, echoed over and over again in my mind. The more I thought about them, the more nauseous I felt.

"Which means one of you has my book, and if I don't get it back right now, people are going to die."

I wondered if he was willing to kill people to retrieve this book, what would he do when he found out the book was un-salvageable? If I admitted that the book was now at the bottom of the ocean, already destroyed and unreadable, what would his reaction be?

The answer seemed obvious to me in that moment: he would kill us all anyway, in a fit of rage.

If this little show they had put on for us had shown me anything, it was that this blue haired clown was both prone to anger and highly aggressive. Small mistakes in the show garnered over-reactions.

He would get so mad at the spotlight being in the wrong spot, someone missing a cue, the audience not clapping enough or even when we clapped over his talking. So, how would he react to my horrible news?

As much as I wanted to own up, be brave, I was fearful that my entire town would pay the price for my mistake. It wouldn't just be me punished.

If I stayed silent, perhaps he would believe that Shanks had came back for the book, or that the book had just never really been here. Anything was better than him knowing it was destroyed.

I couldn't stop wishing I had just left the book in the library. Ironically, I had grabbed the book because I had wanted to preserve it. I was scared that the chaos in the town would lead to the library being destroyed - so I grabbed the book. In doing so, I had ensured its destruction.

I tried not to focus too much on my past mistakes in that moment. No, I thought to myself, I need some sort of plan. However, I couldn't muster one that didn't just end in us all dying. Maybe, I thought, If I own up then he might just kill me.

But if I was wrong, I could get everyone here killed. Including my own family.

What the hell do I do?

Buggy sighed loud enough to snap me out of my thoughts. "Nobody wants to own up to having the book?"

Again, he was met with silence.