Paradise Rock | ONGOING🇯🇲

10 Truths, 1 Lie

☆ Jordin's POV ☆

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"Jordin."

I looked up at my best friend who was seated a few feet away from me on her queen-sized bed.

"Something wrong, and you're not telling me what it is" Gabriel spoke looking at me with worry.

It was true, I did come here after all to tell her the whole truth. But I just couldn't, God knows I want to. But the "What If's" are driving me crazy. I can't back out of this though, she needs to know. Whatever happens, just happens.

"Nothings wrong-" Gabriel raised one of her eyebrows in suspicion causing me to smile, "well maybe...mi really juss need fi talk to yuh...no jokes just a heartfelt talk"

She tilted her head to the side-scanning my face for any sign that I was joking. When she realised I wasn't joking she nodded her head and spoke.

"Alri, anything"

where to begin, where to begin...

"Do you remember that one time in grade 9 when my average dropped super low?" I asked looking straight at Gabriel who was listening to me intently.

"Girl how mi figet that, yuh cuss off everybody when yuh find out, and neva chat to we fi days" Gabriel rolled her eyes

that's true.

"I wasn't really angry at you guys you know"

Gabriel chuckled.

"Sure girly pop"

"girl stop joking out e ting nuh, mi really neva upset wid unu" I laughed trying to keep my composure.

That's the thing with Gabby, no matter what mood you're in, she'll find some way to cheer you up and make you laugh or even crack a smile. I'm really not looking forward to losing that if she decides she doesn't want to be my best friend anymore. At least after she finds out why I am the way I am.

"I wasn't upset at you. Moreover, I was upset with my mom" I looked down at the flannel shorts and started to fiddle with the waistband.

Gabriel hissed her teeth, "Wah stinking mouth Gracey do?"

Dats di ting wid har now. No limit shi nuh have.

"That evening when mi go home shi best the fuck outta mi" I rolled my eyes remembering the memory. Mi cyah get a likkle breeze from har.

It was silent so I decided to look up to Gabriel, she was already staring at me wide-eyed...hit a nerve?

"So that's why you didn't come to school for 3 Daye?" She asked blinking a few times.

"You remember?"

Gabby let out a loud laugh.

"How mi nuh fi memba, mi think yuh did dead. Yuh neva ansa mi message dem, mi calls, and every time mi come ova yuh mommy seh yuh cyah talk to me" Gabriel ranted throwing her hands in the air.

"About that...." I trailed off

"Seh weh yah seh nuh Jordin" Gabriel urged me.

I sighed.

It's now or never.

"I tried to kill myself"

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

"That wasn't the only time. I tried again and again after that. The pills didn't work and I failed every time. Then I started cutting myself because that was the only way that seemed to help. I had notes hidden in places in case I didn't make it. I had razors under my mattress and in the pouch of my bag. I never touched my hand because I didn't want people to worry. There's nothing to worry about right? Because I'm fine. I'm fine Gabby I'm fine and I don't understand why my brain doesn't allow me to feel like I'm fine, because I know I am. I'm okay, you're ok-"