First Kisses Are Never Forgotten

Chapter 33

AARON

I once described an anxiety attack to Addison as a storm. I am standing in the middle of the ocean, rain is falling around me, waves are getting higher and I'm holding my breath.

Not because water is covering me, or I am drowning, I'm not. I'm not under water, I can see the lighting and the shore in front of me. But I still hold it, because I am waiting for the thunder.

There are storms that are just lighting and you know that a big thunder will come, one that will terrify you, will make you jump from your place. I wait for that. I hold my breath for it, but it never comes. So I keep holding my breath until it kills me.

I can hear his voice through the storm. I know he's in jail for a long time, but I get the sense that he's still watching me, waiting for the right moment to hit me and do it all over again. Just clear, ocean blue.

I pull my head up and look straight into those beautiful blue eyes. When I look into her eyes I breathe, I know I'm alive. I don't wait for the thunder, there is no lighting striking the ocean and the waves are as calm as they are on a hot, summer day.

She gives me peace, the breath I need and the life I want.

But I don't deserve it. I'm not good enough for her.

She could try all she wants, talk all she won't, but I know. I made that mistake, I became this selfish shell of a man, and I shouldn't forgive myself, even if I wanted to.

I think she reads the look on my face because she flips us over, and gets my back to lie on the headboard.

I don't register what she is doing from all the disappointing thoughts I'm having from how messed up I am, how I can't have her forever and if I do, it will be the most unfair thing to ever happen to her.

"What are you doing, Addison?"

She slides her tongue in my mouth and gives me one of the best kisses I have ever had in my life.

She's fighting with me without words. With that kiss she's killing me and bringing me to life all at once.

She's keeping me alive by holding me tightly, straddling me and kissing me with every ounce of passion she can give me.

She's the creation of my passion and madness. She's also killing me by wanting from me the one thing I can't do. The one thing I don't deserve to give myself.

"You want to be good enough for me, Aaron?"

She slides herself across my dick, which became hard again from that unforgettable kiss, she holds herself high on her knees and gets just the tip of my dick in her opening.

"Addison." I warn. Fuck, she really is trying to kill me.

"You want to earn it? You want to believe you deserve your own forgiveness. Your redemption." Her sexy, low voice makes my dick twitch from how hard it's gotten.

"Answer me, baby." Fuck! She shouldn't call me that, tonight really is my downfall. I want to fall to my knees and worship this woman, her body, her voice, her mind and soul. But all I can do now is look at her, watch her on top of me like this. God, she looks heartbreaking.

She breathes on my neck and gives it a small, teasing kiss. "Aaron?"

"Yes." I finally whisper, too low as if it's a thought I never spoke.

But I did...Fuck.

I want it more than anything, I want her. I want to be good for her. I don't want to ever hurt her by taking my own life or in any other way. I want to be a good son, friend and uncle to everyone I love. I need to be better. To live a good life. I want it with Addison. For her.