two red cards | F4 Thailand : MJ

8. fatal flaw

"you are my fatal flaw"

MJ pulled me into a dim room and slammed the door shut behind him.

I swallowed nervously, what could he possibly want now? He had kissed me and then said it was all a game when Thyme showed up. That meant the kiss had meant nothing to him and it shouldn't mean anything to me. But something about him intoxicated me like an alcoholic beverage. He made it hard not to want him or to want him to have me. 

When I fall, I fall hard. But I also had the tendency to get over the person easily. So why wasn't it with MJ? For a long moment neither of us spoke, he was obviously the one to break it.

"Ila..."

I just stared at the floor, did he really expect me to speak to him? If I couldn't tell him off then the silence and my behavior towards him should be enough. Enough to let him know how much he had hurt me. But part of myself is putting that blame onto me, that it was my fault and not his. But it was his fault not mine. Maybe letting myself believe him was my fault but everything else was on him and him alone.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me closer.

"Please just listen."

MJ instantly took hold of my other hand and held them tightly. My heart was beating rapidly inside my chest, but I had to resist. Just my name out of his mouth was already enough to kill me. If he kept speaking, I don't know how long I would be able to stay strong. I could feel the moisture that was starting to brim at my eyes.

"We need to talk."

I blinked up at him, trying to come across as indifferent. Not sure if that was being achieved though, I just prayed that I didn't look pathetic. It was hard for me to hide how I was really feeling as it would always be written on my face.

"That kiss," 

Here it comes, I thought. Now was the time that he was going to tell me that it truly meant nothing to him and that it truly is part of the red card game. I already knew this fact but there was still hope deep down, but it was slight.

"It was real."

I couldn't help but to raise my brows, cause no shit it was a real kiss. It didn't happen in a dream.

"I mean," He scratched his neck, "I mean it wasn't a part of the game, I lied to Thyme."

The guilt was written across his face, my gaze went back down.

"Why?"

He sighed, "Thyme isn't a good place right now, hasn't been for a long time."

"That doesn't mean lying to him is the right answer." 

God, he was just breaking right through the walls around my heart more. I didn't want to let him in further, not if my heart would always get played with like this. All because his friend isn't in a good place right now nor does it excuse the awful things Thyme is doing.

To me or Gorya, and any others.

I pulled away from him and turned around. As much as I didn't want to face the classmates out there; I couldn't face MJ right now. My teeth chewed against my bottom lip, probably drawing blood but it was hard to tell from all the slimy goo.

"I know, but..." MJ grabbed onto my waist to keep me from leaving the small room.

"But?"

I closed my eyes, almost leaning into his touch.

"If I told him right now, he might do something to you and probably me too. But I couldn't give a shit about myself." His breath was on the back of my neck. "He's unpredictable now."

"Then why'd you even kiss me?"

MJ's arms slid across my stomach, his chin went onto my shoulder. "I couldn't help myself, you're gorgeous."

I could feel my face heat up at his words.

"I want to again if I'm being honest."

Yeah, my face was most definitely getting redder and redder with each word that he said. He straightened and turned me around to face him. I swear, when he was away from Thyme he was like a completely different person.

"Hmm?" 

I looked away, "We can't."

He gently pressed me against the door, "Why not?"

Placing my arms against his chest, I basically mumbled. "I don't want something that's kept a secret, even if it's from Thyme."

MJ looked up at the ceiling in response, "Soon, I'll tell him when break starts. Can you wait that long before telling anyone?"

I had to think for a long moment before making a decision. Break would be soon but I don't know if I can keep a secret that long in general.