two red cards | F4 Thailand : MJ

13. poison

"my love is poison"

I stared at MJ's dark leather shoes, not wanting to look down but not wanting to see the looks on their faces. Ren had let out a sigh a few moments after Thyme had left. Kavin just scratched the back of his neck and MJ...Well, MJ looked livid, like he was about to go and murder his friend. But I knew that he wouldn't. Despite all the flaws, more so how awful Thyme was—MJ wouldn't hurt one of his closest friends.

Even I knew deep down that there was a reason for Thyme being the way he was. But it hurt knowing he knew I was his biological sister and he still didn't want to take away the target he personally put on my back. I think that was why it hurt the most, but I would move on. I would force myself to move on if I had to. Moping around about it would get me nowhere in life or would get myself through this school. But knowing that the others of F4 actually cared and agreed that he was taking it too far.

The room was silent, until Kavin's phone started to blare some weird-ass song about getting hoes. Which honestly didn't surprise me, but I was glad for the break in the tension. He fished his phone from his back pocket and answered, waving as he exited the room. MJ uncrossed his arms and reached his hand down to me. I slowly took hold of his hand and let him pull me to my feet. We stood there for a long moment, tension thicker than before as we looked at one another. Ren looked away awkwardly and when no one said anything, he took it as a side to leave. Which he was not subtle in disappearing from the room quickly. I had to hold back my laugh when he tripped over one of the random cardboard boxes in the room.

But when he left, there were no thoughts of laughing anymore.

Has what MJ learned made him want to distance himself from me? I was supposed to be the quiet one, not him. He was too quiet and it was killing me. Why was he so silent? I knew that he knew I wouldn't be the one to break the silence first. So why was he letting this tension between us build further? After a few more moments I gave up on waiting for his words and turned my back to him.

I had a hold of the door, not wanting to waste another silent second and started to turn the handle.

"Ila..."

Despite everything in me saying to ignore him, I just couldn't and froze. It was like he had some kind of pull over me. Almost as if we were two puzzle pieces connected by a magnet. I didn't move from where I stood nor did I turn around to face him. MJ had gently pulled my hand away from the door handle, spinning me in his direction. I shouldn't fall for this, for him. But he sounded so incredibly gentle that it was hard not to.

"I'm sorry."

Well, that shocked me. What did he have to be sorry for all of a sudden? Being so goddamn attractive—if he was apologizing for that.

"I'm not sure if we should..." I watched as he swallowed, "If we should continue anything between us."

My stomach churned, was he really going to end whatever this was all because of my new-found relationship to Thyme? I knew that F4 weren't to be trusted, but MJ? It was stupid of me to believe I could trust him. I didn't have the energy to argue with him, so I nodded and made sure I grabbed my backpack. It wasn't like we were exclusive, official, or whatever but it did cause cracks in my heart.

I heard him take a deep breath before he stopped me again.

"But that doesn't mean I don't want to."

Blinking up at him, "I can't go on with uncertainty MJ, just make a choice."

"I know what I want, Ila. It's you. You're like a poison to me, whenever you're not around all I can think about is you. If wanting you makes Thyme want to murder me then I'll let him."

My eyes started to water at his statement, I could feel his sincerity.

"Just don't let him murder me," I said to try and lighten the mood, not sure it worked though, MJ pulled me against him, placing his hands on my waist.

"Never."