Like a Wave

Chapter 59: Can we talk?

August 2014:

Jordan has been back home for about two weeks now. He is still staying with me to make sure I am good with the kids. 

He cleans the dishes and bathes them. He helps me do the housework and the laundry. We hang out and watch movies and shows. 

We had a cookout the other night with the kids, who played in the pool while he cooked. Brittney swam with the kids, and they were all having fun. They ate, and then Jordan joined them in the pool. 

He loves to see her smile while she's playing with the kids. She had Kristen and Tristan on a float as we splashed them.

He wants to sit down and talk to her. It has been almost a year and a half since Cody passed away. He just wanted to let her know that he wanted to try again. 

They always had an amazing time with the kids. He had been staying with her since Cody passed away. He would stay until she told him to leave. 

He keeps playing the conversation he wants to have through his mind but knows when the time comes. He is going to forget everything he has rehearsed for the past three months.

Every day and night, when he called, he knew what he wanted to say, but he knew this was a conversation they needed to have in person.

Yet, he had been home for a few weeks, and they still hadn't had that conversation. He needed to make sure it was the right time. School starts back next week, and it will be just him, her, Tristan, and Kristen home for the next year; then, they will start pre-k. 

After Cody's accident, she barely left the house, but when she did, she definitely wasn't dressed as a celebrity wife should have been.  

One day, she ran to the store in pajama pants and a T-shirt with a hat on. She didn't even care. She grabbed what she needed and came back home. 

Over the last almost year, she has finally started dressing like the cameras are always on her. She went and got her hair fixed last week; she had a few highlights put in. 

She goes every other week and gets a pedicure and a manicure. Since Jordan returned, he has been watching the kids. When he was gone, his brothers or sisters watched them, but sometimes his brothers would watch the kids so his sisters could go with her.

He loved how much his family adored her and had stuck by her when she left him. She adored his family as well. He loved nothing more than watching his kids play with their mom. 

She flew down and visited Virgil last week with Tristan and Kristen. Next time we are all going because she is taking all the kids. Virgil told her he would like to see them all. 

They had been in the yard playing with the kids on the trampoline, and the babies were playing on the playground. We were all sweaty since we were still in summer. 

"Okay, kiddos, time to go in and get showers while Mommy cooks dinner." 

They all went inside. Jordan went to bathe Tristan and Kristen while the older kids went to take their showers. Brittney washed her hands and started cooking. I showered after I finished with the little ones. 

I went downstairs after getting finished in the shower. She was cooking, and she was listening to her Apple earbuds. He smiled as he watched her lip sync the words and dance a little. 

He walked over and tapped her shoulder. She removed her earbuds and smiled. "Sorry, I was just enjoying my music."

"That's fine. Do you want to go shower while I finish dinner?"

"Really, are you sure?" 

"Yes, I am sure that's why I asked. I know sweating makes you itchy. So, go shower. I will finish this, and when you are finished, we will eat."  

She kissed him on the cheek, "Thanks, Jordan." She ran up the stairs and jumped in the shower. When she finished, she dried her hair and then brushed it. She walked back down as Jordan was dishing out the kid's plates so they could be cooling. 

He stuck two in the freezer and placed the others on the table in their spots. She stood there just watching him and how he knew which kid liked what. He turned around and saw her watching him.

"Dinner is ready. I just fixed the kids so they could be cooling off before they sit down."

"That's sweet of you. I will get their drinks fixed, and then we can all sit down and eat dinner." She walked over to the cabinet their cups were in; she fixed Nathaniel and Jayden's in regular plastic cups, fixed Natalie's in a small cup, and sippy cups for Tristan and Kristen. She grabbed two glasses for her and Jordan and put their drinks in their cups. 

"Kids dinners ready; wash your hands and come to the dining room, please." He grabbed the babies' plates and sat them in their spots. Both came running into the dining room, and he helped them into their seats.  

They all sat down and said grace. They ate dinner and had a little conversation. Mostly, they tried to keep the kids focused on eating. He had noticed how Brittney kept looking at him, and he would smile at her. 

She would smile back shyly like she had been caught watching him. Tonight was the night he was going to talk to her after they put the kids to bed. 

When they finished, he got up to clean the dishes. "No, sir, I am going to do the dishes you finished cooking."

"Let me at least help. You started dinner; I just finished it." Their oldest three stood up and rinsed their plates, then put them in the dishwasher. 

"Okay, put up the leftovers, and I will wash the pan. You can wipe the counters and stove, then I will sweep."

"Okay, I can do that." He put the leftovers in a bowl. He wiped the counters and stove off just as she was sweeping. They turned out the light and went to the living room. 

They sat down on the couch, and Brittney always tucked her feet under her until they fell asleep. She sat down and went to turn the TV on. 

This is it. This is the moment I need to talk to her. "Hey Britt, can we talk before you turn the TV on?"

"Um, yeah, sure, Jordan."

"Okay, I just wanted to tell you. I swear I have rehearsed this so many times, but now I can't keep my brain on track. So, forgive me if I fuck this up."

"Okay, Jordan, just keep calm; it's me, for god sake."

"Okay, well, I'm pretty sure you already know what I am about to say. Anyway, so Brittney, you have always known I love you, I always have, and I always will, no matter what. I know you may not be ready right now, and that's fine." 

"What I'm trying to say is I want us to try again. I want us to actually give us another chance. Britt, I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. I know you loved Cody more than me, but I just want you to know how I feel."

"Jordan, I don't even know what to say. Yes, you have never hid the fact that you loved me. It means a lot. I am still dealing with Cody's death. Over the past several months, I have started looking at you differently. I have even gotten these feelings like Cody is trying to tell me to move on. Jordan, you being here with me means so much. Yes, I know we have been through a lot and no matter what, you have always been there for me."

"I just want you to know I still need more time. I'm not saying yes, but I'm not saying no, either. I think before we take that step, we need to dig deeper into our problems. I have always loved you as well. Even tho I was married to Cody, I never stopped loving you. You are the father to three of my children, but right now, I'm just not ready. It has nothing to do with you. When I feel I can actually give my entire heart to someone, we will revisit this conversation."  

"Okay, that is fine. Take as much time as you need. I'm not going anywhere unless you want me to. I will stay here until you tell me to leave. I just wanted to let you know how I felt. When you are ready to revisit this conversation, just tell me. Until then, I will be right here." He squeezed her hand, and they watched TV.  

It didn't go the way he wanted, but it didn't go the other way either. He could live with the way it went because now he at least had hope for a chance to love her again.