𝐂𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐒 & 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 - 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆

27 | don't leave me

I said "You look pretty". All strung out on coke.
You said "It's not funny". But it wasn't a joke.
⁺ 𓂋 𓈒

Minho
I slam the door to the car. Not my car, because I didn't have one. My mom's car was the one I stole in the middle of the night because my asshole best friend wouldn't pick up his phone.

I called and called and I was about to go to his house until it answered. Jisung wasn't the voice that spoke on the other end of the phone, no it was a laughing Hyunjin saying I was 'killing the vibe'.

I immediately knew where he was but I didn't know why. I automatically thought he regretted our time together and wanted to get drunk. I had to push that thought back because he was my best friend first. I needed him safe, so without thinking I got into my mom's car and drove to the familiar spot.

I walked through the doorless place and heard music booming. My blood boiled and my heart raced as I hurriedly walked down the stairs and to the basement, surprised I didn't trip and fall with how fast I was going but stumbling once I got to the last step—catching myself.

"Look who's joining the party," Hyunjin says drunkenly, my eyes roaming around as they all were drunk.

⚠️DRUG ABUSE & MENTAL HEALTH⚠️

I didn't say anything as my eyes landed on a slumped Jisung on the couch. You could easily mistake him for sleeping or being too drunk but I knew he wasn't. He was high.

My heart stopped for a second as memories flashed before my eyes. My body tensed and without realizing it, I ran to him. Grabbing his face into my hands "Jisung" I called him over the loud music, nobody caring and brushing it away because nobody knew how bad everything got. Nobody knew about that night, thinking Jisung just got caught with shit but not everything. Not the truth.

Jisung mumbled something but I grew upset, not at him but at them. Standing up "What did he take?!" I shout.

"Nothing, he drank a few beers Minho. Calm down"

I push Hyunjin and he stumbles a bit "He was getting better!" I yell and he furrows his brows. I knew it wasn't his fault, but I was angry.

I turned around and I felt their eyes on me as I picked Jisung up, throwing his arm around my neck as I helped him walk.

I didn't look at him as we got to the car, putting him in the car and sighing loudly. I knew I couldn't take him home, so I got in the car and spared him a glance. His head leaning on the door as I start the car and drive to my house.

I would look at him every time we hit a red light, checking if he was still in fact breathing. I was just paranoid.

Getting to the house and parking in the driveway. "Minho" I heard him mumble my name and I didn't look at him, but I felt the tears well up my eyes. "I'm sorry I'm not being strong"

I clear my throat and blink away the tears, opening the door and getting out. I help him out "We have to be quiet, my mom is home," I tell him, opening the front door and walking in. I closed the door quietly and tried to not make as much noise walking up to my room. Along the way, Jisung kept whispering his apologies and I continued to fight back my tears.

I sit him on the bed and walk away, going to my dresser and pulling out shorts for him. "Put these on and get some sleep" I walk to him, handing him the clothes.

He looked up at me with big sad eyes, finally, I realized the tears that fell from them—wetting his cheeks that glistened in the moonlight.

"Don't hate me" He says "I-I know I'm broken" He sobs and I get on my knees and shake my head.

He took his face in my hands and wiped his tears "I will never hate you Jisung. I—" I swallow harshly "I just hate seeing you like this, you told me you wouldn't do this again"

"I'm sorry" He apologized again "I'm just tired of trying"

"No!" I said loudly, I shook my head "Don't tell me that" I whispered to him, "Don't give up like that"

Jisung grabs my hands from his face and holds them tightly "I will never be enough. For my family, for you—"

"You are," I said, "Enough. For me and your family. Please"

"My brother hates me" Jisung cried, his voice broken "They won't forgive me" his grip on my hand was tight, like he didn't want to let go.

He stares at me, tears streaming down his face and my chest hurts. A lump in my throat as I held all my tears in, wanting to be strong for him but it hurt. It always hurt.

I pulled him into a hug and he wrapped his arms around me crying as I held him tightly. "Don't leave me Ji" I whisper, "I-I need you" His arms tighten around me and I pull away after he doesn't respond "Tell me you won't leave me"

He stares at me for a second before putting his hand on my face "I can never leave the people I care about" My heartbeat fastens as he leans in and places a small kiss on my lips.

I pull away and he gives me a small sad smile, I let out a sigh "Get rest sweetheart, I'll be right here when you wake up"

"Promise?"

I place a kiss on his forehead "Promise" I stand up and help him dress in the shirt before climbing into bed. He snuggles into the covers and I lay beside him, running my finger through his hair as he falls to sleep.

I lay there for hours, watching him sleep and hoping he didn't wake up. I watched his breathing and when he made the slightest noise I would sit up and make sure he was okay. I was scared to sleep, I couldn't sleep.

Somehow I ended up on the floor, leaning against my bed with my head in my hands. Silently crying as I felt it all rushing to me.

The fear I felt that night, the feeling of waiting at the hospital and expecting the worst but praying for good news. I never prayed until that night.

I watched Jisung for months do these drugs and he would always blow it off and say he only takes a little bit of it and I believed him because well why would he lie? That's what I thought.

You know I wasn't even supposed to be at his house that night but I snuck into his window like I usually did and—

I let out a low sigh, trying to stay calm and quiet. I was stronger than him, I always wanted him to believe that. No, I wasn't as influenced as he was. I was much more strong-minded and I easily blew bullshit off and I was thankful for that because that means I could be there for him.

That doesn't mean it hurts me less. To see him like this. I often watched him sleep since that night, making sure he was okay. Even when he was gone I always fought against calling him in the middle of the night to check on him.

Like tonight, he said he would call after dinner and when he didn't I got worried. About a lot of things, maybe the lingering feeling of regret. I was scared he regretted everything.

Here I am now, on the floor of my room—afraid to sleep because I refused to not be there for him. I refused to lose him.

That's why I cut ties with the other guy, I knew it would hurt Jisung from the moment it happened the first time the night of the party. I was drunk, so fucking drunk because Jisung left with Maya and I was jealous.

In the moment I thought, for the first time I wanted him to feel something. For me, I want Jisung to feel something other than friendship. I always crushed on him and I thought it was so obvious but I guess it wasn't.

So I slept with someone that night and that's all it was, it was just that until it wasn't. Until it became a routine to meet up and at that point, I fucked them whenever I was pissed at Jisung for being with Maya.

I felt the bed move behind me, breaking me from thought as I turn to Jisung. He still slept peacefully "I'm sorry too" I whisper to him as he slept.

[Now Playing - Partners in
Crime by FINNEAS]