𝐂𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐒 & 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 - 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆

30 | advice

Think of me when you're out, when you're out there
I'll beg you nice from my knees
⁺ 𓂋 𓈒

"—And I haven't been back to school since," I said, fiddling with my hands.

"So you relapsed last weekend?"

I look up to my therapist and nod "Yeah, but I-I regret it"

"Did you regret it in the moment or just after?"

I inhaled sharply "I was aware that it wasn't a good idea but I didn't think much of the consequences, all I knew was I felt free for a moment" I started, sitting up as I leaned my elbows on my knees. "That's the whole reason I started using, I felt free from my mind"

"You mentioned that you were going to relapse again over the week, what stopped you?"

I look around unconsciously, thinking "I always told myself before getting high that it's what they want and I surrendered to it, let them win every time" I spoke softly, looking at her "I'm tired of letting them win"

⁺ 𓂋 𓈒

"You no longer hate your therapist?" Nora says "This deserves a party"

I roll my eyes, "I never hated her, I just felt uncomfortable spilling my business to a stranger"

Nora nods, "What made you less uncomfortable?", she asks, putting a fry in her mouth.

"Sometimes you have to get uncomfortable to be comfortable" I shrug.

Nora suggested we get dinner at this local diner not far from the house. Mom and Dad were working late so it was just us, and Zachary but he was uninterested when we asked—leaving with a friend of his.

"Are you going to stay mad at Minho forever?" Nora asks after some time.

I swallow my food and look at her "That would be childish of me"

"It's understandable"

I bite at my lip "I want to hate him" I say "But I can't"

I watch her inhale lightly, giving me a sad look "Your feelings matter in this situation just as much Jisung"

I shake my head "It's not like we were together—not like he cheated"

Nora leans her arms on the table and looks at me "They both know they did wrong, that's why it was such a secret between the two"

"It doesn't matter" I shake my head and get a drink of my water.

"It does, I know it's still bothering you" Her voice was soft and I leaned back in my seat. "You haven't been to school and when he comes over you tell me to make up an excuse, you're avoiding confrontation"

"I'm not ready for it" I spoke "I know if we talk then I'll forgive him and then I'll just look weak"

Nora sighs lowly "Can I give you some advice?"

"No"

"Well, I am anyways" I chuckle and nod, agreeing "If you forgive him, work on the friendship first. That's what you two were before any of this. Best friends"

I knew she was right. I would eventually forgive him but I didn't know if I was strong enough to resist him. To hold back my feelings for him.

"Plus, in the time you two do work on the friendship, there are lots of other boys to help you explore your sexually" She motions to another booth that sat a familiar face. Chan sat there alone, looking to be working on schoolwork.

I look back at her and chuckle "Not a good idea"

"Come on, it could be a good idea to see what else is out there"

I didn't want what was out there, I just wanted my best friend.

[Now Playing - All I Wanted by Paramore]