𝐂𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐒 & 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 - 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆

00 | prologue

The boys and the girls in the clique
The awful names that they stick
You're never gonna fit in much, kid
⁺ 𓂋 𓈒

I had the typical perfect life, from an outsider's view of course.

I had the family. Mom and dad, who are supportive of anything I chose and backed me up. I had an older brother and a younger sister who I wasn't close with but nobody knew that except my friends. I lived in a nice house, in a nice neighborhood. I had what some didn't, but what made me stand out from the crowd was my inner self, not so what others see.

I went to therapy, which was my parents doing as I wasn't in the best mental state growing up. Sometimes I avoided mirrors and slacked on my medication because it made me feel tired, dizzy, and more anxious at times.

I dated around hoping the words of validation would somehow cure the voices in my head telling me I wasn't enough. My body wasn't fit like the other guys and I felt more fragile than others. As I spent more time in those relationships their words stopped having that effect of calming those roaming worries.

Back to my parents, I lied to them a lot. I gave them a smile after every therapy session and told them that it was a good visit. In reality, I made plans as soon as I left the building with my friends to get high and smoke all those doubts away.

When the cops come knocking on our door my parents would defend me and tell them how I would never do such things they accuse because I'm better. I do therapy every once a week and I take my medication, I was their perfect child again.

What they didn't know was that I skipped my medication often and I would sneak out to join my friends to graffiti around town and drink away the problems of the day.

My friends, were all I had besides my family. They probably even knew more about me than them, which sounds shitty.

Minho, he was my best friend. My first friend and then came the others. He knew me inside and out, I didn't feel the need to hide from him—not like I could. He dragged me out of the dark places in my mind and he's the most stubborn person I know but also the strongest. Everything felt alright when he was beside me, he was the calm in my storm. The only person that I allow to watch me overflow with emotions and break all my walls down. He was my family.

But, he was no different from me and that's where we weren't good. We had the same ways, falling into alcohol and sometimes dabbling in drugs we shouldn't be doing. Expect Minho didn't let it get too far and voiced how I should slow down.

The difference was, he didn't date, he slept around. Minho never made a huge announcement about being bisexual, it was a typical Wednesday afternoon when he just said how he slept with some boy. Nobody was really shocked or questioned it because Minho wasn't afraid to try new things. If he was curious about something he will end the curiosity. With his sexuality, it was no different, he first kissed a boy in middle school and made no big deal about it.

Nothing changed for us, he was still my best friend and I would still go to his house most nights to escape my family's worried eyes—sitting on the roof and smoking a cigarette while we talk about feelings that the day brought.

Minho was my rock.
I don't know what I would do without him.

[Now Playing - Teenagers
by The Chemical Romance]