𝐂𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐒 & 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 - 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆

32 | i miss you

I don't wanna be your friend, I wanna kiss your neck
Don't you see me? I-I think i'm falling for you
⁺ 𓂋 𓈒

I found myself enjoying the fresh air a lot lately. This week I've spent the most time alone, more than I've ever been.

It's weird to think about it but I oddly felt stable right now.

I heard the door open behind me, I assumed it was Nora who had been such a huge help recently. I inhaled the fresh air and felt the presence behind me.

Looking back and was surprised to see Zachary. He motions beside me "Can I sit?"

I nod slowly "Yeah, go for it"

I cautiously watch him sit next to me, keeping a distance. He looked up at the sky, it had freshly rained and the smell of the wet grass filled our senses.

"We used to love the rain" He spoke softly, I hadn't seen him this calm in a while.

I look away and to the puddles on the sidewalk, "We used to love a lot of things"

Zachary chuckles lightly "We always played in the rain, mom would yell at us the next day when we fell with a cold"

I smile at the memory "She always worried"

"We're family," He said out of nowhere, making me look at him, "Aren't we?" He looks at me with something in his eyes.

"O-Of course"

"Then why... why did you do that to us?" His eyes layered with tears "You knew it would hurt us" His voice wasn't harsh, it remained soft and confused.

I look away and down to my hands "I didn't think" I spoke with uncertainty "It's selfish but I didn't think about it. I just thought about the peace, the calmness" I look at him and he frowns.

"You stopped talking to me. You got closer with Minho and distanced yourself from us, from me"

"I know," I said honestly, "I didn't want-" I stopped and sighed "I didn't want to make it a big deal"

"But we could've helped, we could've been there for you" He talked to me like I wasn't aware, but I was.

"I fucked up, I get that. I understood the moment I woke up in the hospital Zach" I said, my voice growing frustrated.

"You don't understand Jisung," He said sternly, "Just like I don't understand what you've been through, you don't understand what it was like for us to see you like that—fuck, to have seen you leading up to that day was even horrible"

Tears formed in my eyes. I realized I didn't understand, I wouldn't know what I would've done if I did.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there, we all are. Mom, Dad, Nora, me, and even Minho who we all thank god snuck in or else—" He stopped and shook his head "You're my little brother" His voice was low, almost a whisper.

"Then why weren't you there?" I asked him for the first time. "When I woke up you weren't there and every day after"

He looked away "I didn't want to see you like that," He said, a tear finally falling from his eyes and he quickly wiped it away. "I couldn't watch you throw your life away"

"But I'm trying" I hated how much I had to say those words. Over and over again. "Can't you see?"

He hesitated before looking at me "I do" he said, "I see it now"

It felt like a weight had lifted from my chest like I've waited for those words to be said to me. From him, only him. Someone I looked up to as a kid, my older brother who I had wished I would grow up just like.